Friday, December 31, 2010

Flashback Friday!

Happy New Year, Peeps!

A lot of things have happened this year, good and bad. I'll have to say that the very worst thing was Elliott lying to me and nearly getting kicked out of cadet camp. Realizing that your baby boy, the one that was so sweet and innocent what felt like weeks ago, can look you in the eye and lie was a real eye opener. I cried over that one for days.

The absolute best thing was the opportunity to go to Europe with my whole family. Being on a plane and travelling so far from home... seeing how we all, as adults and near-adults, deal with different situations in foreign countries was more special than I can say.

I'm not sure how 2011 will measure up to all that but I can't wait to find out.

So have a blessed and relatively uneventful new year, everyone. You know I love you all. Oh, and if one of your resolutions is to read your favourite blogger more often, tell your friends about her, and post insightful and funny replies to her, I'm sure she'd be much obliged...

See you next year my lovlies!


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Not again...

Why am I finding it so hard to write a blog this week? Sheesh! I completely forgot again until I was reminded via text message. Thanks Lisa!

So. A blog for today. Tonight to be more exact. With 3 glasses of wine in me. Hm. How about a diatribe about the effing tv we just got?

It's gorgeous. A 40" flat screen Sony Bravia thing plus we got a digital box for the first time. The irritating thing is that there are 2 new remotes with a rainbow of buttons that none of us know how to use. Scott is working feverishly punching stuff (resisting jokes... resisting jokes...) but it only makes for tension when I start getting  into a show and he starts "experimenting" with the buttons. A couple of sharp words exchanged and it's a Merry Christmas all around.

Half the time all I want to do is watch something I used to watch at this time but now it involves changing aspect ratios, video inputs and now it's not even on the same channel number as it used to be. Yes, the picture is kick ass, but at this exact point in time, I'm not sure if it's worth it. In fact, I'm on my way to the kitchen to watch something... anything, just to have it on the same program for more than 10 minutes. Yippee.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Still at my dad's

We celebrated Henry's 11th birthday yesterday with chocolate cake (creme cheese frosting) and tons of people. It was fun but I'm looking forward to getting home...

So I got booted from the computer right after I wrote that because my dad wanted to sell his huge projection screen tv on and needed help setting up the ad. Unfortunately he thinks he can only get $150 for it after buying it for nearly $1000. Anyway, I'm home now and staring at the Christmas tree, wishing it would shake its own decorations off right into the boxes and march itself to the curb. You know, the normal stuff.

Gleefully I have nothing to do for the next 2 days. Two days, you guys. I don't know what to do first. Shall I have a long bath? Give myself a mani/pedi? Watch tv all day like a lump? Eff that. I know exactly what's going to happen. I'm going to take down the stupid tree, clean the house from top to bottom, and do close to 30 loads of laundry. But at least it'll be on my terms and in my own time. It may even be awesome.


Monday, December 27, 2010

Sorry, no blog today

I'm serious. I'm at my dad's in Montreal full of rum punch and my ears are ringing with soca music. I seriously simply forgot. Please stay tuned for the next installment tommorow. Love you lots,


Friday, December 24, 2010

Well, the holiday is finally here.

I have to say that since work is now off the table, I'm feeling a lot less stressed. Yes, I still have a lot to do but now there seems to be time to do it. I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

I want to sincerely wish you the best Christmas tomorrow. Lots of family time and love and eggnog and happy. Keep in mind those who can't be with the ones they love tomorrow for whatever reason and enjoy everything about the next few days. See you Monday, and Merry Christmas!

This was the way Christmas went in 2007...


Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sorry for the lame blogs this week, guys.

I'm feeling terribly overwhelmed and if the car wasn't in the shop (another joy to deal with), I would drive and drive and drive until I got to a place where I could lounge quietly with my iTouch, some red wine and an Archie Comic book.

So today I'm frosting the lemon/coconut cake, I'm baking cookies for Santa, I'm frantically defrosting tomorrow's dinner turkey that completely slipped my mind (it's now underwater in the kitchen sink) and I still have to wrap about a thousand presents. Plus I have to find half an hour somewhere in all this to get ready for a party tonight. I'm looking forward to it but I don't know how I'm going to have fun while there's so much left to do. I can see one of two scenarios:

  1. I'll be edgy and distracted and just stay for an hour or two
  2. I'll get completely, leglessly pissed and be unable to do anything tonight and most of tomorrow, successfully putting the cherry on the sundae of an unbearable holiday
Thursday can't come fast enough. That's the next day on the calendar when I have absolutely nothing to do. Nothing. At all. I don't have to bake anything, go anywhere, see anyone... I'm thinking of staying in bed the whole day with my iTouch, some red wine and an Archie Comic book. 


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

With all this technology, why haven't we invented a 29 hour day?

Can I pretty please just have 8 undisturbed hours in the house to get shit done before Christmas? Please? With sugar on it? This is my fondest, sincerest Christmas wish. I'd ask Santa for it but it would come too late. Maybe I can ask the Sandman to give me a whole night without needing to sleep so I can spend it in the throes of unbridled wrapping, baking and cleaning. Killmenow...


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

So here's what I have left to do

  • I've got to take Henry out to shop for his sibs and dad
  • Henry also needs a haircut... he looks like Disco Stu
  • I have appointments tomorrow and Friday for various procedures (a massage and laser... nothing serious)
  • I have to bake a coconut lemon cake by Thursday
  • I have to provide a dessert of my choice to the family dinner on Christmas
  • I need to bake a birthday cake for Henry's 11th on Monday
  • We need to pack and leave for Montreal for the weekend...
And how do I have time to blog? I don't have a clue. Later...


Monday, December 20, 2010

Off-book week...

This week before Christmas is completely off in terms of scheduling. And you know how much I love a schedule. The kids have no school, the boys are at hockey camp, Audrey is still in her pyjamas, and we have 2 new girls playing here until Thursday. That added to the fact that they are all drawing pictures and the markers are squeaking on the paper is making me want to tweeze out my eyelashes. Plus I'm not finished Christmas shopping and I have a coconut lemon cake due at the end of the week. Good times.

I have to get going. The markers are steadily getting louder (they must be colouring something in) and I have somewhere else to be, namely anywhere but here. It's going to be a long week, Peeps.


Friday, December 17, 2010

Flashback Friday!

Today's trip in the wayback machine brings us to February 2009. I used the blog that day to illustrate the comfort and joy that is a long, satisfying relationship.

Have a great weekend!


Thursday, December 16, 2010

On death and dying

Or how I survived a day without internet.

It just came back on. For those of you who read this on Facebook and don't realize I post these at around 11am every morning, it's now 5pm. That means I haven't been online from the moment I first tried to log in my run at 7:15am until just now. Horrifying. I even went through the 5 stages of grief:

  1. Denial: When I just kept repeating "it's just a modem issue... it's just a modem issue..." while futilely flicking the power bar button on and off.
  2. Anger: When I called Bell 3 times yelling "INTERNET!" at the top of my lungs at the prompt, simultaneously fuming and feeding the baby while listening to hold music on speaker-phone. Seriously, do you know the way to San Jose?
  3. Bargaining: When I tried to convince myself that walking around the cold neighbourhood looking for an open connection in -15C weather with the baby in a stroller would be the best idea ever.
  4. Depression: When I woke up from an hour long nap slobbering with the phone cradled in my arms wondering if my call was really important to Bell.
  5. Acceptance: When I didn't even wait to see if the light went green the final time I flicked that switch. As I walked away I heard Audrey exclaim "it's on!!!" (she had only just come home from school so she was only at "stage one").
I pushed my daughter roughly out of the way and here we are. So this is my blog today. Enjoy.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

You know it's going to be a long week when...

you spend all day Tuesday thinking it's Wednesday. I even posted a Wednesday blog. I didn't realize it until I was snuggled up in bed thinking about the day. I thought about running. "Yay", I thought, "tomorrow is a 3K day. Wait a sec. Didn't I run 3K this morning?... Oh shit, is it only Tuesday? Dammit!" Then I stayed awake thinking of all the things I could have screwed up by thinking it was the wrong day. Thankfully as a stay-at-home-mum all the days sort of run together so I didn't do much damage except for posting a blog that makes me look like I failed kindergarten. Good times.

So moving on, I just want to publicly wish my best friend Kathy in London a Happy Birthday today. Her life right now is amazing! She has a handsome husband and a scary smart daughter, she just bought a house, she has a gorgeous new(ish) baby and has me as a best friend. What else could you want? Bonne Fête Kathy! Gros besous et des grande caresses pour aujourd'hui et tous le temps. See you this summer!


Monday, December 13, 2010

Ugh. Christmas cards.

Before I had kids, I'd dutifully buy a package of 25 religious cards, painstakingly address every one, sometimes even calling people (before to find out their postal codes. Instead of just writing a simple "To Jennifer, Love Karen", I'd write an endearingly personal note like "Hey Jenny, hope you got over that scary stalker/sebaceous cyst/groin pull that was bothering you. Have a great Christmas and awesome New Year!!".

After I had kids, I'd dutifully buy a package of 25 Santa cards, address them to the people who sent me cards the year before, scrawl a quick "To Jenny, Love Karen" but also include a little photocopied note in each one regaling them with stories of our lives the year before. You know he kind: "Hi from the Knoxes! At 4, Elliott is finally out of diapers, Audrey has almost mastered bathing without us having to call the Coast Guard and Henry's greatest feat is screaming bloody murder in his sleep. Scott and Karen are desperately trying to lay off the sauce to take care of their precious treasures."

The next stage was to dutifully buy a package of 10 Far Side cards, wait until the 20th of December until I saw who sent me cards first, quickly scrawl "Love the Knoxes" in each one and express post them so they get there in time for Christmas.

The past 2 years I just don't bother. In fact, when I go to the mailbox I live in fear of someone sending me a Christmas card. I just don't have the time or the inclination to return the favour. I'm so sorry. I do love my friends and I do wish them a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Sincerely. But do I really have to use a pen, spend $2 on a card, $.75 for a stamp and hike all the way to a mailbox in the cold to mail it? Really? In this day and age? There's got to be a more modern way to do this.

And just a side note, as of today, I have two cards. One from my brother and sister in-law and one from my mailman. Thank you for thinking of me. They're both on display but I can't help but feel guilty that I'm not intending to do anything about them.


Friday, December 10, 2010

Okay, let's clear this up.

Yes, I was on the Coronation Street special last night. And no, I don't want to talk about it. I turned off the phone and ignored most Facebook messages. I will say that I remember how embarrassed I felt after the camera crew left and I knew that I'd never live it down once it aired. So I never mentioned it was coming on and didn't even watch it last night. Moving on...

Today is Flashback Friday. Here is a post from April 2009:

Eavesdropping or just overhearing? I think there's nothing better than listening to someone else's conversations. Just last week I heard a woman talking on a cell phone at the top of her voice. Something about pinpointing exactly where she was in the mall to another person in the store. Frankly, if the person on the other end had just put down the phone, they would have heard her. Seriously. Priceless.

This is what I thought of it in 2009...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Least favourite Christmas songs

One of our local radio stations is playing only Christmas songs from now until the big day. Listening to it while waiting at the Dollar Store checkout made me realize how many Christmas songs I hate. There is no way I could listen to that station all day. Here's why:

  • The Little Drummer Boy. Y-U-C-K. It's repetitiveness  makes me want to gouge my eyes out. The only way I can put up with it is when it's paired with that Peace on Earth David Bowie bit. And even then...
  • Christmas Shoes. Horrible, manipulative song about a dying woman's kid buying her a pair of shoes before she bites it. By the end I want to kill her myself.
  • Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. The person who wrote this is going to hell. The hell of having to hear this song on repeat for eternity.
  • All I Want For Christmas is My 2 Front Teeth. I'll bet a frustrated Christmas shopper knocked them out.
  • The Hula Hoop Song by the Chipmunks. Nothing says Christmas like rodents and exercise equipment.
  • Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney. Look, we all agree the man is a legend but once the awful synthesizer starts I get hives.
  • Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer by Corey Hart. Insert joke here about cramming sunglasses somewhere Christmassy. At night. 
  • Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen. Again with the legend and the hives.
So because of the eventuality of hearing one of these above songs on the aforementioned Christmas station, I'll be listening to the "Merry Christmas playlist" on my iPod. One hundred and twenty-eight of the best, most palatable holiday tuneage in history from 2000 Miles by the Pretenders to Fairytale of New York by the Pogues. Aaaah, that's better. The cure for the common Christmas. 


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Coronation Street is the bomb (quite literally)

Yesterday started the one week celebration of Coronation Street's 50th anniversary. In the UK they are showing a disastrous bar explosion and chain reaction tram crash that will devastate the street causing the deaths of 4 well established characters. Exciting stuff.

Here in Canada we'll be treated to a couple pretending to be married for the benefit of the woman's aunts, a man falling of the AA wagon and preparations for Valentine's Day. Because incredibly, in this day of the information superhighway and 3 day cure yeast infection cremes, we are 10 months behind. To borrow a phrase: Inconceivable.

So in order to watch the festivities and the glorious carnage, I've had to spend all of last night and most of this morning searching for the video. And thanks to YouTube, I finally found it. I watched it already and it's incredible. Fantastic. Words don't do it justice. Honestly, it was so good I felt like a cigarette afterwards. Well done. It was also a nice treat to watch it as close to the original broadcast time as I could manage. This way there are no spoilers. Well, not for another 10 months, anyway.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Stream-of-consciousness blog today

I'm not feeling blogging today. The laptop is pissing me off by not typing the g's straight away so I have to bash at the keyboard, I swore at Audrey (I'm seriously starting to think she's bipolar), my 3 friends and I can't seem to find one measly fricking hour to get together before Christmas, I had a dream about my fondest wish coming true then had to wake up, it looks bleak about my going to another girlfriend's wine and cheese party Saturday and my neighbour just came by to ask that I write a letter to his lawyer saying what a good dad he is for a custody case. Hm. Do I really want to get in the middle of this? UGH. Needless to say, this morning has left me a little cold and I don't wanna blog.

So here's what's going on around me at this very moment:

  • I'm watching Anna & Kristina's Grocery Bag. I love that show... so funny!
  • my right hand is cold and my left is warm
  • my feet are propped up on a laundry basket of clean towels that I should be folding right now
  • I'm drinking a Dole ready-made berry smoothie. It's pretty good but I'm not a raspberry fan. Too many tiny seeds. Great, now I'm pissed again. Snuggie, take me away.

Friday, December 3, 2010

What a way to start the day

It actually started last night when I realized that I forgot to get a December bus pass for Elliott. I came up with a brilliant plan. Since I run past a gas station about 2K away every morning, why don't I just jog there and pick one up so he'll have one even before he wakes up in the morning. And before you think it, yes, I remembered my debit card, yes, it was open and yes, they had some left. It all had to do with my witlessness.

So at 6:15 this morning I wheezed and shuffled my way in the lightly falling snow to the gas station. Even though today was my 8K day, when I got there I was already sweaty and flustered. I went straight to the bank machine and shoved in the debit card I had tucked in my zippered pocket. Nothing happened. To my shock and horror I realized that my endorphin-addled brain had jammed the card into the receipt return slot. Uh oh. I can see it right there... if I could just... damn.

I tell the clerk the idiotic thing I just did and he helpfully offers to open the machine. He does and we peer inside, not seeing anything but a bunch of wires. When he closes it again I don't even see the card anymore. SHIT. No bus pass AND no debit card? Thanks a lot, universe. I stand around uselessly for a few minutes wondering what to do now. Then I notice something. Thank goodness, the stupid card had fallen into the money tray down below when buddy opened the machine.

I sheepishly pick it out, buy that bus pass and high-tail it out of the store, finishing my run in the snow. You know it's going to be a stellar weekend when... Hey, at least the clerk has a good story to tell and I got a blog out of it.

Have a better weekend than I'm about to!


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Watching tv with Henry

The other night Henry and I were watching tv on the couch. A Victoria's Secret ad came on telling us when the stupid fashion show will be on. I thought to myself that I should probably say something wise and motherly about this show objectifying women or something but he spoke first.

Henry: I guess it's not such a secret anymore.
Thinking that my baby's innocence has exploded in a hail of blinged out bras and panties and is about to say something no 10 year old should utter about slutty lingerie and busty models wearing angel wings, I brace for impact.
Me: What's not a secret, sweetie?
Henry: Well, now everybody knows it's on at 10 o'clock.

WHEW. He's still my sweet, innocent boy. And he still believes in Santa, too. So take that, world.


Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I can finally start my lists. And oh, do I have a lot of lists. Lists of things to buy, lists of things I want, lists of stores that I have coupons for, lists of where I hide my lists... I'm in heaven. I thought I'd share with you a few lists of Christmas things I love. I thought I'd start with my favourite Christmas tv shows, movies and computer stuff. Ready?

Computer Stuff

  1. Ding Fries Are Done. What can I say? I'm easily amused
  2. Elf yourself. I giggle every time.
  3. NORAD tracks Santa. Even though the kids don't believe, I still get a thrill watching it
  4. Scared of Santa. Google it and prepare to waste an afternoon pissing yourself with laughter.
  5. Virtual Snowglobe. Why is shaking it and hearing the screams so satisfying?
  1. A Charlie Brown Christmas. A classic.
  2. The Dr. Who Christmas Specials. It just isn't the holiday without the TARDIS and a sonic screwdriver.
  3. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. If you don't agree then your heart is 2 sizes too small.
  4. All those Rankin-Bass specials. Except for the Little Drummer Boy. Hate the song, hate the show.
  5. The Toronto Santa Claus parade. It's the way parades should be done.
  1. Scrooged. Bill Murray is so funny in this.
  2. A Christmas Carol. The one with Alastair Sim is my favourite. And the one with the Muppets, naturally.
  3. It's a Wonderful Life. "Don'cha know me Mary?"
  4. The Sound Of Music. Not Christmassy but they play it at this time so it's on the list.
  5. Miracle on 34th Street. The Natalie Wood version
  6. All the Santa Clause Movies. Tim Allen = hilarious
  7. About a Boy. Hugh Grant makes his money from royalties from a Christmas song (Santa's Super Sleigh). I love the Christmas dinner scene
  8. Love, Actually. So romantic!
  9. A Christmas Story. The dad's prize is Italian because it says "fra-gee-lay" on the box (fragile)
  10. The Nightmare Before Christmas. This movie is a true Christmas miracle.
  11. Elf. Seeing Will Ferrell in that costume is worth the price of admission.
  12. Fred Claus. I like Vince Vaughn so much and hearing him snark through this movie makes me happy.
So what are your Christmas favourites?


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'm having a coffee!

And that's not a euphemism. I'm actually drinking a mug of coffee right now. I was checking the pantry for a tea bag earlier and I saw a package of cappuccino and I thought "what the heck?". And it's really not that vile. Of course the 2 tablespoons of sugar (that's not a typo) and so much milk I had to rewarm the cup in the microwave, helps a lot. How do people drink this stuff every day? Even as I drink it I'm wondering if my breath will ever be fresh again. I don't think this coffee drinking lark will stick. I just can't see the allure. Do you like it? Why? The caffeine? Because some say that tea has more. How do you take it? When was your first ever cup? Did you like it right away or was it an acquired taste? Did I ask enough questions?


Monday, November 29, 2010

This one is called "Meet Me On Monday"

I'm supposed to answer these questions, post a link to this blog on the blog where I found it then link back to their blog in my blog or some such nonsense. I've given up trying to hang out with other bloggers, jumping through their hoops and following their complicated rules. So what it I only have a few dozen readers? There are no ads here so I can do whatever the heck I want. Including steal their questions and answer them unilaterally. Take that blogosphere. Look at me, I'm a maverick.

1.  What is your favorite favourite way to eat chicken?
God help me, there are so many ways to cook it that are delicious and healthy like roasted and grilled but if I'm going to be honest, I have to say breaded chicken fingers and hot chicken wings are tied for first.

2.  Have you decorated for Christmas yet?
No but I'm starting to get itchy. I have two gifts wrapped and on the floor where the tree will be and I nightly gaze out longingly at my neighbour's fairy lit windows. 

3.  What is your favorite favourite article of clothing?

Does a Snuggie count as clothing? No? Well, in the winter, I love my fluffy socks, and in the summer, my pfd because it means that I'm about to paddle.

4.  Do you pay your bills online or write checks cheques the old way?

Scott pays the bills and I think he does it online.

5.  Do you make Christmas cookies?

Years ago I hosted cookie exchanges which forced me and all my friends to bake them. They ended up resenting me for having to bake 12 dozen cookies and I ended up gaining 5 pounds with red and green sprinkles around my mouth and crumbs down my bra until New Year's. Now I just bake for Santa.


Sunday, November 28, 2010

So I was watching Star Wars today

for what seems like the 50th time. It was actually a marathon of all 6 movies. I love them like I love cake but I have a beef. I heard that Lucas has said that there were initially 9 movies in all with these 6 first and 3 more to come. I think he has abandoned his plan for the last 3 movies. I think this is a grave mistake. There can be so much more. There is a whole bunch of untapped potential in focussing the last 3 on Princess Leia. Think about this.

She is Luke's twin sister. If Luke is swimming with midi-chlorians, so must she be. I'd love to see a storyline where they focus on her childhood with the Organas on Alderaan. How maybe she noticed some mysterious things happening like the classroom bully suddenly choking in the lunchroom after menacing her for money.  Anyway, they could show her becoming a Jedi like her brother then dun dun DUN; get tempted by the dark side. We could see her being really cruel and power-hungry before her love for her brother and Han wins out. Or better yet, she could recant her evil ways on her deathbed only to become a cool ghost like Yoda, Vader and Obi Wan. This is gold, people. Why hasn't this stuff be explored in movies? Yes, I know there have been comics and cartoons about Leia but I want movies. That does it. I'm sending an email to Skywalker Ranch...


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Hm... what do I blog about?

Here I am staring at a blank page. The good thing is that I'm writing a blog and not a novel where threads of a story have to be picked up and woven together, or a newspaper article where I'd be sweating because I'd have cashed my advance and bought some really sexy shoes but not have anything to give to my mean old publisher who is like J. Jonah Jameson and has a beef against me and threatens to uncover my secret identity thereby exposing my friends and family to danger from my arch-nemesis and... where was I?

Oh yes. A blog. I was saying that I could write anything and it can be a blog and why? Because I pressed the little orange "publish post" button below this box.. So let's go with a what am I doing now sort of thing. Currently I'm watching the AMAs on my PVR. Can I just say that it's pretty boring? And Katy Perry is pretty fun on the radio and cute on video but live she hurts my ears. I mean fingernails on a blackboard hurt. I feel like I need a cold compress on my head.

So I'm just going through the list of stuff I have packed on the machine. I just finished watching Glee's wedding episode (Okay, Sue needs to stay principal. Who's with me?), The Walking Dead (OMG, how fantastic is that show?), and some backed up Coronation Street episodes. Up next, Vampire Diaries or Drop Dead Diva... I'm not sure which.

What else? This computer is driving me absolutely nuts. It's a laptop and all the buttons are in stupid places. It takes me 15 seconds to find the delete button when  I need it and that's pretty often. Also, the down arrow button is missing. Christmas (or more accurately Boxing Day) can't come fast enough so we can get a new one on sale.

Oh hell, Pink just sang. Holy crap! She's pregnant and gave a better, more energetic performance than Miley Cyrus. And she's got some pipes. The old school dance moves and the guy from the Dan Band (YouTube them) cracked me up. Take that Katy Perry. If Pink comes to town I'm so going. It looks like she'd put on one hell of a show.

I'm so sorry guys. This blog was completely self involved and coming from me that's really saying something. My brain seems much more engaged on weekdays. Luckily there are only a few more weekend blogs before this daily thing is over. Then it's back to the insightful, thought provoking, heart wrenching stories you are used to from me. Har.


Friday, November 26, 2010

Flashback Friday

This being a big food holiday down south, I thought I'd share with you an old blog about things I like and dislike. Also add to the list

Black jelly beans
Fruit cake

Hawaiian pizza
Beef stew


Thursday, November 25, 2010

My favourite song right now

I love my iPod so much. The mixes on it are so varied that sometimes I find it jarring to play the whole thing on a mix. I have to play certain playlists otherwise I'll get Mozart's Piano Concerto in D right next to Nookie by Limp Bizkit and it'll throw me right off. It's like the time I had a baby shower and Scott gave my phone book to my friend Paula. She invited every woman in that book and my party was horrifying. School friends mixed with work friends, church friends mingled with cottage friends (you know, the kind who indulged...) and then there were my family and in-laws. Holy shit. There is a photograph of me when I first walked into that room. Paula is pulling me in and the look on my face is equal parts shock, nausea, terror, fear, surprise and get-me-the-frick-outta-here. An actual photograph of the flight or flight reflex. I spent the next few hours trying to get everyone to enjoy themselves and at the same time not compare notes about me. It was awful.

What was I on about?

Oh yes... my favourite song right now. I say right now because I have two of all-time that aren't to be confused by this flash in the pan of today. In fact, I have it written in my will that they are to be played at my funeral. Want to know what they are? Of course you do.You Gotta Be by Des'ree and I'm Going Home from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Listen before you judge. It's beautiful.

Okay so my favourite song is a bouncy, happy, passive-aggressive hatefest. It gets stuck in my head all day and I don't care. I wake up hearing it and go to bed humming it. I've had it on repeat on my mp3 since August but I have to put on the clean, whitewashed version of it in my car when the kids are with me. How much do I love singing it to the old folks with their left tickers on in the fast lane? They even covered it on Glee (using the previously mentioned bland version). Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Cee Lo Green.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It is time.

Yup, time to start saving money and making plans. Time to break out my annual Christmas Wish List. This year, finally Louboutins come off the list and taking its place, making a stunning debut: an iPad. Please enjoy my list and feel free to pick anything. As I tell Scott every year, buying something off a list is still a surprise if you don't know which particular thing you are getting, am I right?

  1. The aforementioned iPad
  2. Bayshore gift certificate
  3. iTunes gift certificate
  4. Geeky tee (size women's large)
  5. Panini grill
  6. A dozen matching coffee mugs
  7. Buffy Season 7
  8. White Converse sneakers size 6.5
  9. Scribblish board game (for family night)
  10. Voyage of the Damned (Doctor Who DVD)
See? Not too bad... nothing too outrageous. I still want the Smart Car, though but I'd rather give a list of things I'm actually to get. Although I did get those gorgeous shoes eventually...

11. Smart Car

You never know. You listening Santa and his various earthly representatives?


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I'm a poet and I didn't even know it

This is the poetic equivalent of MadLibs. Makes me feel like a true wordsmith. Of course it comes from a template... do you think I'm this profound? You haven't been reading this blog for long, have you?

So my awesome poem first and the template so you can impress your friends at the bottom.

Where I'm From

I am from pop culture, from Perez Hilton and TMZ.
I am from the comfortable, the casual, the spicy.
I am from the summertime, the warm sunshine.
I am from grace before meals and brown eyes, from Errol and Mabel and Anthony.
I am from chupsing and finger whips.
From “Better belly bust than good food waste” and “Ma ka foote un blass”.
I am from church every Sunday and mass every single day of Easter week.
I'm from Montreal and Dominica, poutine and soursop ice cream.
From the rich man who loved his maid, the happy, drunken woman dancing on the table, and the illegal alien.
I am from the third drawer in a dresser at the bottom of the stairs, the hard drive, my brain.
Unbelievably, incredibly special.
A magical time machine that will always be close to my heart.


"Where I'm From" Template

I am from _______ (specific ordinary item), from _______ (product name) and _______.
I am from the _______ (home description... adjective, adjective, sensory detail).
I am from the _______ (plant, flower, natural item), the _______ (plant, flower, natural detail)
I am from _______ (family tradition) and _______ (family trait), from _______ (name of family
member) and _______ (another family name) and _______ (family name).
I am from the _______ (description of family tendency) and _______ (another one).
From _______ (something you were told as a child) and _______ (another).
I am from (representation of religion, or lack of it). Further description.
I'm from _______ (place of birth and family ancestry), _______ (two food items representing
your family).
From the _______ (specific family story about a specific person and detail), the _______
(another detail, and the _______ (another detail about another family member).
I am from _______ (location of family pictures, mementos, archives and several more lines
indicating their worth).

(PS: If you try this, post your poem in the comments box. I'd love to see what you come up with!)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Love Me Do

Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that the Beatles catalogue was released on iTunes last week. I don't really see what the big deal is. If you like the Beatles then you already found some way to get them on your iPod. Either for free or with one of those turntable to mp3 dealies that even I own.

I never was a huge Beatles fan. Don't get me wrong, I liked them but I was never a rabid fan. I was too young. In fact, when John Lennon died, my first thought was "Who?". I admit it. I was 13 and I'd heard of the Beatles but I couldn't name the members to save my life. Later I went through a phase when I thought they were cool and retro and even bought some albums (Sgt. Pepper, Abbey Road and Help) but I never understood the screeching or face-pulling until my Duran Duran lunacy of the mid-80s.

Anyway, last week I was looking for a Beatles song to put on my iPod. Hey, it's a well known fact that there is no bandwagon or trend that I can let pass me by. Anyway, I was looking for something new to run to. I like fast, bouncy, jaunty (oooh, I like that word) songs to run to... they give me energy. After pleading for help on Facebook and twitter, I finally settled on I Saw Her Standing There. I love the guitar in that one and it reminds me of my college ski trip in 1985. I was on the ski lift at Owl's Head with my friend Marianne laughing at the people falling below. Little did we now that we'd be joining them buried neck deep in snow all afternoon and freezing. The best thing about that trip was warming up in the chalet. As I recall, the apres-ski involved copious amounts of alcohol and ear-meltingly loud music. And funnily enough, I never went skiing again. Good times.

So do you have any Beatles stories or memories?

kxx (wow, even Ringo is handsome here...)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Questions answered here!

I found this on another blog and as you know I love them so I'll save you the Beatles blog I had planned for tomorrow...


Where do you live: Ottawa
Favorite art: The French Impressionists. You'd know this if you saw me boo-hooing at everything in the Musee D'Orsay in Paris.
Pets: my cat Taz
Favourite neighborhood restaurant: I love to eat at the Nepean Sailing Club but I often forget it's there.
Favourite cocktail: it changes often. Right now it's vodka and cranberry
Who inspires you: Funny/clever bloggers and children who have vision.
Necessary extravagance: My purses and shoes.
Favourite place in the world: My livingroom or my kitchen. Planetary? London, England.
Designer: I don't care as long as it's wearable.
Jeans: Reitman's Comfort jeans. They are pull-ons. Holy crap, I wear pull-ons.
Underwear: The boy shorts from Mark's Work Warehouse. So comfy!
Sneakers: Converse
Watch: My cell phone
T-shirt: Anything with a geeky/nerdy saying on it. Current fave? The one I just made with "Have
you hugged your Time Lord today?" on it.
Day bag: I love my leather waist pack from Danier. No, it's ot a fanny pack. You wear it in the
Evening bag: Depends on the outfit. To say I have many is an understatement.
Favorite city to shop: Right here in Ottawa, baby


Lipstick: Revlon Just Bitten Lip Stain in "Gothic"
Mascara: L'Oreal Voluminous
Shampoo: Garnier
Moisturizer: Garnier Pure Shine Control
Perfume: Bath and Body Works Sea Island Cotton
Toothpaste: Colgate Sensitive
Soap: Oil Of Olay
Nail-polish colour: I hate my fingernails painted but I like freaky coloured toes in the summer: green, orange, blue, yellow...
Who cuts your hair: Me
Who colours your hair: There isn't enough there to colour but feel free to try.


Saturday, November 20, 2010

Late Saturday blog

I just can't get used to blogging on the weekend. I got busy all day and completely forgot. I'm on the couch watching Avatar with the family. This is the beauty of an iPod, no? I love technology.

Today was the Santa Claus parade and it was flipping freezing. Whose idea was it to have Christmas in the bloody winter? By the end the only reason we were dancing to the tinny music blasting out of the crappy floats was to keep our toes. I wish the parade was better. There were just too many flatbed trucks with giant speakers blaring Burl Ives and people lamely following along wearing street clothes and Santa hats calling themselves "floats". Really. The funniest was this local falafel restaurant owner, the self proclaimed "Garlic King" dressed in royal robes and playing to the crowd. He even had a Popemobile-like van where he waved to his subjects from when he got cold. At least my hysterical laughing kept me warm for a few minutes.

Anyway, now I'm warming up under my Snuggie, feet toasty under a pile of kids, watching the movie and contemplating a glass of wine. Life is good.


PS: Sorry I can't post pictures or links. I'm doing this from my iPod and I'm not motivated to figure it out. I'll be more linky tomorrow. Promise.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Flashback Friday

Today's wayback blog was originally written on the 13th of January of this year. It was 15 pounds ago and way before I started my running regimen. I think I was funnier when I was fat.


PS: BTW, I've since gave away the size 14s I mentioned it that blog. I found them in the back of my closet in the fall, put them on and wondered when on Earth I could possible have ever fit into them. How soon we forget...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

What did we do before we had the internet?

This morning Audrey asked me what a sycamore tree looked like. I told her I didn't know (we're strictly a maple, oak, birch, pine neighbourhood around here). I then whipped the iPod out of my bra (yes, I've been keeping it there lately) and found her a couple of photos. Nice tree.

There are so many times a day I do things like that. I'll watch a movie and check IMDb for the trivia. I'll hear the best song ever in a commercial and before my show is back on, it's on my iPod. What's that? Henry has to be a bishop for a class presentation? Let me look up some information on feudal England online then go to a craft website for the cheapest way to make the costume:

The neighbour offers me a grocery bag full of nasty string beans? I'll take it thanks, there's got to be a bizarre cake recipe using them somewhere out there. It goes on and on.

What did we do before the internet? Remember when we had to do projects for school? We'd have to go to the dusty old library and crack open an actual, honest to God, book. You'd have to use the photocopier to get black and white photos into your project, then painstakingly hand-write and double-space your work. Remember that? Kids today are so lucky. I still have a full set of vintage 1974 encyclopaedia in the spare room. Those 22 books take up 4 feet of shelf space and must weigh a hundred pounds. What I should have done was gotten Audrey to kick it old school and look up a sycamore tree the way I used to. But time rolls on and technology advances. Besides, think of the technology required to carry 100 pounds in a bra.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Saying goodbye to another blog

First it was the cooking blog, now it's this 2:01 thing.

I thought that photo blog would be easy and it was at first but at the end it became a complete and utter chore. In the beginning when my alarm went off to take a photograph, I'd happily hop up and grab my camera, delighted at the prospect of another interesting snapshot of my life. By the end of this, the alarm would go and I'd groan and heave a sigh, thinking that maybe I'd take it later, effectively defeating the purpose of this blog in the first place. I knew 2:01 was seriously ill when I'd have a week's worth of photos stored in the camera and half-assedly post them all at once. I knew it was on life support when I'd spend 20 minutes searching around the house for a better representation of what I was doing at 2:01 than being on the internet or watching tv. I knew it was time to pull the plug when I realized that every Saturday at 2:01 I was at Costco and my daily life at 2:01 is just not that interesting. But I seem to manage to get up to all sorts at other times of the day.

So that's it. Say goodbye to 2:01. I can't say that I'm too sorry. Did I need another daily blog in my life? I mean family enjoys eating on a regular basis and wearing clean clothes for goodness sake. I'm free! Kinda. I mean I still have to keep this thing going, don't I?


Monday, November 15, 2010

Just a quick note today

I had the best meeting with Henry's teacher last week. She said lovely things about him like she wished "there were 10 of him" and "he's really creative". Whatever. Tell me something I don't know about that awesome kid. But the delight of the meeting was when I found out she was a blogger. Another Ottawa blogger! We seriously spent half the time talking about Henry and the other half talking about blogging and writing in general. I can say without hyperbole that it was the best meeting of any kind I've ever had in my whole life. We laughed and laughed. She even told me about the blogger's conference in New York she went to in October. How cool was that? I wanted to get her number so I could call her again... maybe catch a movie or have a pub dinner or something. Would that be weird?


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Seven Word Sunday

I found this on a blog I follow (Thanks Peggy Sue!) and I thought I'd "borrow" it. It was originally "Six Word Saturday" but I added one day and one word. Cause that's the way I roll. So here goes:

Two gifts bought & wrapped. Take that Christmas.

The ampersand doesn't count. Cause that's the way I roll.


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Here's a weird one: let's talk about keys.

Scott has borrowed my keys in the past. When he does he invariably rolls his eyes when I produce them. I have 2 keys on my chain. One for the car and one for the front door. But unfortunately the keys and everything all told are about 9 inches long and weigh 95 grams (I just weighed them). Besides the keys and fob, there's a pen, a whistle and a thingie that can pay for gas by waving it in front of the pump. Plus I have that doohickey that splits the lot up but who ever uses that?

**note that I had to turn the camera vertically to fit it all in**

Incidentally, these are Scott's keys (there's actually a house key in behind the car key):

I like lots of stuff on my keychain. I can always find them at the bottom of a humongous purse. I need the pen for writing emergencies (they could happen), the whistle for grievous bodily harm emergencies (it's Ottawa but, yes, it could happen), and how else am I to pay for gas? With a debit card? Cash? People, please. So what if I think there's something crawling on my leg while I'm driving as its comic length brushes my knee? I rarely swerve. Heh.

I was watching Dial M For Murder the other night. A pivotal plot point involves a key. Among other things, the husband hides a key under a stair carpet and banks on the wife not being able to recognise her own housekey. Seriously? That would never happen in this house. The giant lump under the step would kill me way before I noticed my own keys were switched. From a galloping horse. At night. While wearing a pirate's eyepatch.

So what do you have on your keychain?


Friday, November 12, 2010

Flashback Friday

Today is a PD Day for 2/3 of the kids. I've already been to the most awesome Parent/Teacher interview (blog on that coming next week) and I have a ton of things to do today. I have groceries, I promised Audrey we'd make iron-on custom t-shirts together, and tonight we have tickets to a Christmas Pantomime (Red Riding Hood). So please enjoy a terrific blog from the recent past...

Monday 28 June 2010

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Lest we forget

Today is Remembrance Day. Its a day where we honour our war dead and wounded and NOT a day where we glorify war. People who claim that it is have never been to see one of these ceremonies in person. It's sombre, respectful and loving. The last time I was at the cenotaph in Ottawa I never saw so many people gathered in silence. There were thousands and thousands quietly gathered with heads bowed and tears in their eyes. It was very moving. You see that and you know it's not at all about wanting to shoot badguys but about pride and loyalty and sacrifice.

There's talk around here about making today a statutory holiday which would keep kids home from school. As you all know I'm all about not working but I think today is the wrong day to do that. I don't think a kid at home playing Wii in his pyjamas all day reflects the level of respect today should hold. For instance, MCpl. Elliott is going to the cenotaph with his Cadet Corps, Audrey is playing the flute at her Remembrance Day assembly and Henry had a veteran come in to do a talk about being in the trenches. Kids nowadays would never experience this stuff if they were watching cartoons at 11:00am. Although it is pretty cool to have everything stop for 2 minutes (tv, radio, even people walking in the street), it pales in comparison to being in school learning first hand about how awful and scary war is. And they're the ones who need to know this... they'll be making those decisions in the future.

Scott's dad Jack was in the RCAF. He rarely talked about his experiences in Lancaster bombers in WWII but he won a Distinguished Flying Cross and we're all so very proud of him. The kids never met him but they know what he's done for our country. They see his photograph and know he was a pretty cool guy. And so do we. So thank you, Grandpa Jack. We appreciate what you did for us.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Scott's now on the roof.

He's replacing the shingles. He's done this before so like the last time I have the phone in my pocket and have 9-1 dialled into it so all I have to press is the final one when I see his body zoom past the livingroom window.

Every so often he comes inside for coffee and to drive me crazy. I'll be washing dishes and he'll pull my shirt out of my pants or I'll be feeding the baby and he'll poke me in my ticklish spot while I'm holding a loaded cereal spoon. The author of this article must have had a closed circuit camera running in my house when she wrote it.

Is it Friday yet?


Monday, November 8, 2010

Scott's home

He has taken this week off and just a few minutes ago I absently wondered aloud what I'd blog about today and he grinned like a little boy...

Scott: You can blog about how wonderful and fun it is to have me home for a whole week!
(**crickets loudly chirping**)
Me (smiling and eye-rolling): Great idea!

So here I am blogging about Scott being home for a week. Good times.

kxx (I do love him. I really, really do. It's just that writing like this makes me laugh. And we actually did have the above exchange this morning)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The weekend is nearly over...

Today I went shopping caught up with a friend (awesome to see you, Nancy!) and besides the occasional scare due to clocks not being changed (how do you change the car clock again?!), my Sunday was fantastic. Now bring on Monday so I can get back to a nice normal routine of running, cooking, childcare and maybe even an afternoon nap. I love Mondays!


Saturday, November 6, 2010


I forgot I committed to doing NaBloPoMo this November which means I have to blog every day instead of just weekdays. So this month, you are all treated to 8 extra blogs for me. You lucky, lucky, lucky peeps.

I'm actually writing this slightly under the influence of alcohol. I've had about 3 glasses of wine and a shot of tequila. I'm functioning just fine but I'm reeeeally sleepy. Scott and I went to a friend's 50th birthday wine and cheese. Interesting note about the party... it was at 2:30 this afternoon. I giggled over the fact that it was so early; actually the snarky words I used included "children's birthday party"; until I realized that it was completely brilliant. We could leave the kids for a few hours without worry, go grocery shopping after (you haven't lived until you've shopped at Costco while tipsy), and still get home in time to fall asleep in front of Saturday Night Live. Brilliant. Of course Scott had to drive Elliott to hockey so he had to stay off the sauce. Oh the sacrifices you make as a parent...

So that was my Saturday blog. One down, seven to go...


In case you are wondering about the photo, it was the funniest one that came up when I googled "NaBloPoMo"...

Friday, November 5, 2010

Movie post today

I was listening to the radio this morning and the station's movie critic was reviewing Megamind. While he enjoyed it, he said it may be too clever for really little ones so he suggested you don't bring anyone under 6. Supposedly they just wouldn't get some references. One of the things he brings up is Megamind's sidekick:

The critic wondered how many people would get the reference that he was modelled after Robot Monster, the titular character from one of those terrible 1950s sci-fi movies along the lines of Plan 9 From Outer Space (which I love incidentally). According to the critic, they couldn't afford a robot costume so the director found a friend with a gorilla suit and plonked a diving helmet on his head. Seriously. I so had to see this.

One of the things that I love about computers is that when someone mentions something or asks a question that I don't know, I'm instantly online to find the answer. I had to find out what this Robot Monster movie was all about. So as I always say... "To the internet!"

Thanks to YouTube, this is the trailer for the classic that is Robot Monster. I realized after I watched it for the 4th time (and stopped crying with laughter... check out the futuristic bubbles at :43 and the rocket at :49) that I had to share this with my peeps. What a great way to start the weekend. This dvd is so going on my Christmas list.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

My Do Not Call List

I love tv. If you've been reading this blog for more than a week, you know this. Our house has 4 tvs not counting the computers. I even have a tv in the kitchen. Oddly, I don't have one in my bedroom... the idea of watching tv in bed reminds me of being sick and getting the old black and white dragged in by my grumbling dad. Not enjoyable.

When the stories come on the news saying that television rots kids' brains and turns them into gooey blobs of quivering fat, my finger gets spasms and suddenly the channel gets changed. Huh. I'm of the mind that you let children have access to as much tv as they want so it won't be such an issue. Seriously, more often than not, my kids choose other activities. They don't get that from me, that's for sure.

We don't have an xbox, playstation or wii. Why? It takes up a valuable tv. We have a nice fireplace in the family room but I'd much rather have a giant screen hdtv in its place. I never know what time it is, only what's on at the time. Elliott leaves for school after Spongebob is over. Audrey comes home just before Star Trek is over. I like to have dinner eaten before Coronation Street starts and if I see the beginning of The Daily Show, I've stayed up too late.

My IRL friends know all this. There are certain times they know not to call. Or should I say certain shows:

  • Coronation Street
  • So You Think You Can Dance
  • Doctor Who
  • Thursday night
  • Project Runway
  • Glee
  • Hell's Kitchen
  • Modern Family
  • Walking Dead
  • Being Human
This is just the way I am. Do you want to strike fear in my heart? Suggest that I do that tv switch-off thing for seven days. I couldn't even do it for 7 hours. When we went to our wonderful family trip to Belgium, on many occasions I prayed that my pvr was still running. But I still managed to find and watch the season finale of Glee so there was that.

So please don't judge me too harshly. I still manage to run every day, keep a clean house, take care of an infant and cook for the family (thanks to my kitchen tv). I haven't become a 300 pound shut-in. Yet.