Friday, March 30, 2007

Hey! It's a normal day, right?

I'm off work today because the kids are off school. So you can see why I've forgotten until now to do my bloggy duty.

I've already made 2.5 batches of cookies (chocolate chocolate chip, plain chocolate chip and the sugar cookies are in the oven) and a load of laundry so I'm busy as a beaver. so what I thought I'd do is copy an excerpt of my diary from 1989 so you can see what kind of complete dork I was back then. Have fun and have a great weekend!


"Thursday March 30 1989
12:25am- Today was a general washout. Wendy (1) called this morning to find out where I was yesterday (2). I told her I left the employment agency too late for me to meet her. She told me that the place she had lined up was the Stanley Tavern (3). HA! I'd think twice about any bar-- let alone a bar that my compatriots and compadres (4) frequent! It is to laugh. Fate smiled on me for once.

Kathy (5) gave me a cardiac arrest a few minutes ago by tapping on the front door (6). When I opened the curtain, her face was hovering outside. Anyway, she wanted to know if I could go to Simply Red and I had to explain to her that for me "money's too tight to mention" (to quote a red headed sage) (7).

Scott will be here tomorrow (8) so that should alleviate some of this monetary black cloud by taking my mind off it (sic). I'm planning our itinerary. Sort of. What is there to do in Montréal that doesn't involve getting piss drunk and spending the night at Dunn's afterward 'cause you couldn't remember which bus takes you home? (9)"

(1) Who?
(2) A quick scan of yesterday's diary tells me I was going on a job hunt with this Wendy person at 3:30pm today.
(3) An unimaginable dive back then. I'm talking lumber jackets, deer heads, pickled tongues in a jar... think Moe's Tavern without the irony.
(4) Who talks like that??
(5) My best friend who lived next door who now lives in the UK.
(6) Keep in mind it's around midnight
(7) Again, who talks like that?
(8) This was Scott's first visit to Montréal to meet my parents
(9) Are you KIDDING? This is Montréal for goodness sake! This is the typical 21 year old mindset.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Remember how I complained about my dreams?

Do you recall how I used to say that I hated my dreams because they're so mundane (losing my keys or desperately trying to find something)? Well as of last night I take all that back.
For the first time ever I remembered 3 different dreams that I had last night. All three stressed me out in different ways. All 3 were about as different from my usual dreams as chalk and cheese.

Dream #1
Let's call this one "Bus Tour To The Tower Of Babel". I was on a school bus taking a tour of an unknown foreign city. Everyone was speaking french. I can speak french but in my dream I had no idea what anyone was saying. I just kept getting more and more frustrated while people spoke to and about me without me understanding.

Dream #2
This one I'll call "The Marathon Mama". I was eating and noticed that all my chewing teeth were loose. I went to the bathroom an opened my mouth. All my molars were hanging by a thread so in my infinite dreamlike wisdom I decided to take out the nail scissors and snip those threads. I spent a lot of time spitting my bloody teeth into the sink, never panicking or getting grossed out. Keep in mind I'm completely grossed out just typing this. When I was done I only had 8 front teeth left. I was disappointed in the final result because my face looked different. My cheeks were sunken in and I realised I couldn't eat solid food anymore.

Dream #3
"The Comedy Relief". I was in the audience at American Idol and one of the performances was Sanjaya and his sister belting out the Meatloaf classic "Paradise By The Dashboard Light". A nightmare on so many levels.

When the alarm went off at 5am for my biweekly jaunt to the gym, I was never more grateful and bounded out of bed. I feel like never going to sleep again.


Wednesday, March 28, 2007

What's a mum to do?

This morning Henry kept telling me that his legs were "tired". That he didn't want to go to school. It actually seemed pretty lame so I asked him some questions. Is something happening at school you don't like? Is your new teacher (the old one is on mat. leave) mean? Are you being bullied? Then it comes out. Some kid named Kyle is "bugging" him on the schoolbus. Supposedly this (older) kid calls him names and pokes him in the ribs down low where the bus driver can't see and can you PLEASE drive me to school, mummy? Complete with tears. Oh MAN.

Ack! What do I do? There's no parent handbook for this stuff. I figure taking the car to school will only delay things so I tell Henry we'll talk to the bus driver Michelle and sort of leave it with her. They have assigned seats so maybe she can move one of them? I don't know. I'm not cut out for this stuff. What I do know is that I want to take the child who's making my baby cry and crack open his head like a frigging coconut. But that's just me.

So I did speak to the driver, and she said she'd look into it. I hope that's the end of it. It's probably a case of boys-will-be-boys. Right?


Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Fog

This morning I drove to the gym in the thickest fog in memory. Definitely since I've started driving. You know when Scully and Mulder would walk into an abandoned warehouse and turn on their flashlights? That was what my headlights looked like. Did you know that they don't point straight ahead? They point at each other like a point of a triangle. I had no idea. Like my dad always says, you learn something new every day.

So I finally find my fog-lights (after a few minutes of fumbling) and turn them on because as everyone knows you don't use your brights in the fog even though you're tempted to. When I turned down the road with no streetlights, I started to freak myself out. I could only see up to the top of the headlights. That's it. I couldn't see anything else. Honestly. I couldn't see the highway ahead or the woods around me and it seemed like the windows were painted white. Spoooooooky.

Ever read the old short story "The Other Side Of The Fog" by Stephen King? It's rare but if you find it be sure to check it out. I kept picturing giant spiders with skin dissolving webs just outside the car windows. I know it was ridiculous but the story is seriously weird and it was 5:15 and I'd only been awake 20 minutes.

Well I got to the gym in one piece and by the time I drove back it had dissipated. No need for fog-lights, no giant spiders. But lots of feeling silly, though.


Monday, March 26, 2007


OMG, I was almost late for work this morning playing this game. If you play, tell me what your score is. I got par (I'm told by someone that actually golfs that that's average).


Friday, March 23, 2007

Ribs. It's what's for dinner

Not feeling much like blogging so here's the recipe for what I'm making for dinner tonight. It's pork ribs (not much touching of the meat, Chris) with maybe potato skins or rice and salad. I'm going to get Scott to fire up the grill for the first time this year.

I'm boiling the ribs to get ready for the marinade right now. There's nothing like the smell of boiled meat at 8:30 in the morning to get the juices flowing. UmMM. Gag...


Thursday, March 22, 2007

South Keys, Silver City. Same thing, right?


Well, I totally Karenned up last night. Last week I won a pair of tickets to see the preview of that new Adam Sandler movie Reign Over Me. Cool. The problem was my sense of direction.

My friend Norah and I leave with just enough time to make the show and arrive at South Keys wondering where all the people are. It was as dead as a movie theatre on a Wednesday night. We take our tickets to the box office where the girl looks at us like we've sprouted leaves. As we walk back to the car I read the ticket again. Wednesday the 21st, check. Reign Over Me, check. Silver City Cinema, check. UH OH. Well, this is embarrassing.

So we head off to the real theatre only to arrive 10 minutes late and find the show sold out. Apparently they overprint the passes so they can fill the showing. So Norah and I spent 1/2 an hour driving all over unfamiliar parts of town only to not see the movie at all. Good times. To wash away any lingering humiliation I spent $70 on tops at a nearby store before we went home.

So at least it wasn't a wasted trip. And I convinced Norah that chatting and hanging out together this way was much better than a movie. I mean we were able to catch up properly. You know how they frown on talking in the theatre, right? Guys? Helloooo?


Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Name 3 cars that start with "P"...

Got 'em?

Well you're wrong. Because they all start with GAS. I think I giggled for 30 minutes after Elliott told me that one. Especially since it took me 10 minutes to come up with the 3 cars.

Have a most excellent day,

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

"Do you know how much you would pay for this in a restaurant?"


A family of four sits at a suburban Montréal dinner table. The mother has been working all day as a nurse yet still cooked supper, the kids had been at school and the dad has been at work. The meal is the usual West Indian fare. As the mother places the steaming plate of dasheen, yams and curried chicken onto the table, the family yums their appreciation and tucks in. After a few minutes, she says it. The dreaded words: "Do you know how much you would pay for this in a restaurant?" Never mind that no circa 1980's restaurant in the whole town would serve anything as basic yet exotic as this. Then, the inevitable, random answer: "9.95 plus tax." No one ever skipped a beat although the kids would sometimes giggle and roll their eyes. She was obviously looking for some glimmer of appreciation. Passive-aggressively of course. Poor woman.

It's just another bizarre thing that went on in my house in St.Hubert. Now I'm aware that most families have their odd moments but mine seemed odder than most. I guess it's since my parents came to Canada as adults and never really lost their accents and Dominican weirdness. Let's call it eccentricity. Which, naturally has rubbed off on their Canadian firstborn daughter.

Yesterday as I served a scrumptious meal of ginger beef and sticky rice (it's actually a Canadian concoction that arrived here via the East), I remarked to the slurping crowd: "You know how much you'd pay for this in a restaurant? 21.95. Plus tax." Scott giggled and the kids rolled their eyes. Sigh. Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.


Personal for Mikey: I heard myself say daddy's famous: "Moves, man, MOVES! Hi-yi-yi!!" during Dancing With The Stars last night. When I start wearing mum's muumuus you have permission to come to Ottawa and put me out of my misery)

Monday, March 19, 2007

You know what is a fun family activity?

I'll tell you what. Not watching the movie Titanic. Saturday night the movie came on tv but the kids missed the beginning then had to go to bed before anything really happened. They seemed to really want to watch it so I promised I'd throw on the video (which I own) the next night. I honestly thought they'd forget. How many times will it take before I learn this lesson? Elephants never forget. And I have a some real Dumbos here.

So yesterday afternoon we all snuggle together on the couch to view the wonder and magic that is James Cameron's magnum opus. Nearly four hours later, 2/3 of the children are beside themselves (Henry and Audrey) and Elliott is surreptitiously swiping his face with his sleeve. Who knew they'd pay attention? I thought they'd see a rip-roaring adventure story but they got it. They got the romance and the loss and the sheer scope of what happened on that ship. I was impressed. And seeing them cry made me cry too. Again.

We spent almost the whole night talking about the story... what parts were true and what parts were made up. They seemed really interested. Henry even made a model of the Titanic out of his wooden blocks. Sometimes during the evening, Audrey would get all quiet with faraway eyes. It's funny how one minute you have 3 babies and the next you have a bunch of sensitive little people who really shouldn't be watching a man drawing a naked, reclining woman. Oops. So how was your weekend?


Friday, March 16, 2007

Mabel Eliza Anthony

She would have been 73 today. She was my mum and she died of stomach cancer 12 years ago. I miss her like crazy every day. Some random things I remember about her:

* Even though she sometimes snorted when she laughed, it was still really infectious
* She did an extremely politically incorrect imitation of someone speaking Chinese
* She had a salt and pepper afro that I hope to inherit someday
* She had the most enormous boobs of any living being I've ever seen
* She was exactly 5 feet tall
* Her nails were always daggerlike and polished to perfection
* She always had food stains on her clothes
* She was an awesome cook... I wish I had her recipe for bakes
* She was a great hugger and gave noisy, wet kisses with her gorgeous thick lips
* She rocked muumuus and huge earrings (think Mrs. Roper)
* She was a happy person and of all the things I inherited from her, I'm most grateful for that

Happy Birthday Mumsie. Daddy, Mike and I are sending up special wishes to you today.
Your daughter,

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Something happened to me today

Today I realized that I live in a movie. Either that or I live in a house full kids.

Case in point:
I was showering happily this morning. When I was done I pulled back the curtain. Henry was standing there quietly staring at me. He scared the crap out of me, too (no, not literally). If I'd been in a movie, there'd be screeching violins and a kook with a knife. Turned out my kook only wanted me to do up his belt.

Gotta love family life.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Love this joke

I've heard this one at least a dozen times but I still find it amusing. Especially since I have three kids of my own and things went exactly this way... at least for me.


Evolution of Mom

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes -
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name -
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth -
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette -
1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries -
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities -
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home -
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

RIP Tiny Steve

Well that didn't last long. Or I should say "he"?

Poor Tiny Steve. And I thought I was doing well when I cleaned his brackish water yesterday. Obviously I upset his delicate balance of flora and fauna (thanks Lisa!) and he went artlessly belly up last night.

Poor Henry discovered the body at bedtime. I heard the wail from his room and at first thought he was pissed at Audrey for something as he had been most of the day. But that mother thing kicked in where you recognize different kinds of cries and I knew right away something was wrong. He came into the hallway and I kept asking him what the matter was and he couldn't answer. He just kept getting more and more upset. When I saw Tiny Steve my heart broke for him.

I held Henry and hugged him tight and told him how sorry I was. Scott heard the ruckus and came upstairs to hug him too. We talked about how fun it was to have Tiny Steve in our family even for such a short time then unceremoniously flushed him down the toilet. Henry turned down the "privilege" of doing the actual flushing and left that unfortunate duty to me. Poor kid. He hitched and sniffled all through.

What else could we do but agree to buy him another one today? When I came home from work they had picked out a beauty of a betta (easier to keep without a bubbler) and named him Couscous after tonight's side dish. Henry seems suitably appeased and peace reigns once again in the Kaye household. Phew.


(PS: Thanks to all for your votes yesterday but I lost to 2 14 year old girls. Apparently their network was bigger than mine. Hmph. There goes my washer and dryer)

Monday, March 12, 2007

Well this is interesting

I went and entered a "face of Springtime" contest over at one of our malls and I managed to get into the top 50. I need my nearest and dearest to vote their faces off for me and 2/3 of my spawn. So could you trouble yourselves to vote? The voting ends today. You know I love my bloggers most! Thanks in advance, folks.


Friday, March 9, 2007

Two things...

First I have to apologise to you all for my pathetic whine on Wednesday about having no friends. I do in fact have a lovely friend named Lisa who's willing to put up with my nonsense and enjoy an afternoon of foolish girliness on Sunday. Joy of joys. Looks like I have a friend after all. I'm such a whiner...

Secondly, contrary to Women's Day yesterday, I still had to cook. Can you believe it? No flowers, no card, no Louboutin shoes, just fettucini, garlic bread and salad thanks to me. Hey, if it wasn't for me (a woman last time I checked) they wouldn't have eaten at all. So maybe that can be a Woman's Day thing? Right? Can't it? I've been saying it a lot lately so I'll say it again: Whatever.

Have a fabu weekend,

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Alone again, naturally

I can't believe this. I wanted to go to the Women's Show this weekend and amazingly I can't find anyone to go with me. Not that I have so much free time I can go anytime. I'd have to squeeze it in just like everyone else. In fact I can only go on Sunday as Elliott has a hockey tournament on Saturday. Fine. But when it comes to things like this I realize I'm light in the girlfriends department.

I'd love to have a friend I adore hanging around with constantly. Someone who I can picture spending a shopping or spa weekend with without wanting to throttle. Someone who has kids so she doesn't mind the occasional my-kid-is-on-the-honour-roll brag or the vivid description of last night's puking incident. Someone who's happily married so I don't feel guilty talking about how cool Scott is. Someone who is exactly my shape and size so we can share clothes and shoes. Someone whose kids are the same ages as mine so they can all play together. Someone whose husband likes what my husband likes so that when we all hang together there is much back-slapping, chortling and beer guzzling.

Is that too much to ask? I get so jealous when I hear about women who have been friends for years and have girlfriends they love. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends but no BFFs. Of my 2 closest friends, one girl has no husband or kids and the other girl lives in England. No fair. I'm fun, funny positive, enthusiastic and yet on Sunday afternoon I'll be on the couch in my jammies watching an all afternoon Bollywood movie instead of opening a goodie bag full of free treats, giggling with my best gal pal and wearing my cutest shoes. Whatever.


Tuesday, March 6, 2007


It's like some kind of cosmic joke that this morning the temperature is almost colder than the surface of the moon. Okay, not really but it's called hyperbole, people. It comes in handy.

Anyway, the word of the day my friends: layers. I'll wear as many layers as you like but I still refuse to wear socks. It's my thing. Toes and feet always pretty, no socks. Boots directly over bare feet. That's how I roll, baby.


Monday, March 5, 2007

Three times the laughing gas, 3 times the fun

Going to the dentist 3 times in 3 weeks (and getting laughing gas all three times) really puts things in perspective. For instance today in the waiting room my mind wandered to shoes. As a woman, I love shoes. Every style, colour and height of shoe is my favourite. In fact, a long-held dream of mine involves owning a pair of very (very!) expensive heels.

So today in my near panicked state waiting for my turn in the gas chamber... I mean dentist's chair... my mind wandered to the calming subject of footwear. Remember when you went to the doctor's office in the winter and they gave you those paper slippers to wear so you didn't keep on your boots on or have to worry about your gnarled toe peeping out of your sock if you decided to do the right thing and take them off? Remember them? They were absolutely awful. Or was that just a Montréal thing?

You know what else is a Montréal thing? Shoe bags. I've never seen them for sale in Ontario so I'm assuming they just don't exist. Shoe bags were the most practical winter accessory you had. Say you were going to a dress-up house party (another thing of the past) in wintertime. You courteously remove your mukluks. But now what do you do? Your pantyhosed feet no longer match your stunning outfit. No worries. You have your velvet shoebag with the perfect pumps inside. We all had them. Sometimes several. Shoe bags were literally, one-pair-of-shoes-sized, velvet, satin or velour with a drawstring. Where are shoebags today? It's not like doctors and dentists and friends all of a sudden don't care that you're putting your salty boots all over their parquet floors. Wouldn't it be practical to bring the shoebag "trend" back?

My first December here in Ottawa I went to a club with friends. One girl wore her dancing shoes through the slushy muck and the other wore double duty sexy boots. I took off my boots and whipped my perfect strappy sandals from inside my precious shoe bag. They looked at me with awe and wonder. I'm still shocked they've never caught on. They're easily made (if you could sew which I can't) and handy as anything. They aren't like purses which are leather and/or steal-able, you could squash them up and stuff them into your coat sleeve. They came in tons of colours and you could even match them with your coat. Even guys had them. There's a business opportunity in this blog, folks. All I ask is for some credit during the tv interview.


Friday, March 2, 2007

I'm back!

It was very weird to realize I hadn't written a blog yesterday. In fact, After I fell asleep on the couch, I woke up, did all my nightly ablutions and was just about to get into bed for the night when I remembered. I could have just gone off to sleep, but writing here every day is so ingrained in me that I'd lie awake all night composing something. I wrote the throwaway blog of late last night. Twice.

Anyway, today is another day and here I am. I should be at work right now but there's a wicked snowstorm happening and they've warned people off the roads and stopped the schoolbuses. Remember the good old days when they actually closed the whole school? Now because of taxes or funding or some such nonsense, the buses don't run but the school stays open. Unfortunately for 2/3 of my kids they walk and I ordinarily send them anyway (cue evil laughter) but I didn't send them today for 2 reasons. One: I'd have to stay home alone with Henry, who does take the bus and thus is home anyway, playing Jenga, Barrel of Monkeys, Pick Up Sticks and other infantile games until I want to put my head in the oven. Keeping Elliott and Audrey home today is instant (and much better, I might add) company for Henry. Two: Once I heard the buses weren't running I just couldn't drag my sorry butt out of bed before 8am which was too late to get them ready. Oh well.

So here's the plan. Fobbing the kids off on each other for as long as I can. When they start kick-fighting each other on the couch, it'll be movie time. After the movie's over, I'll get them all dressed and we (and by that I mean they) can play in the new fallen snow. Ah, yes. The perfect snow day.


Awww CRAP!

Not only did I completely forget to blog today, when I just typed an apology straight in here (not in Word like I always do) MySpace ATE IT! Fuck.

I came on to blog earlier and this area was down (as is often the case) so I never got back to it until I woke with a start on the couch about 12 minutes ago. Anyway, I had the day off, some more yummy dental work done and I'll tell you all about it in the morning.

kxx (thanks for asking after today's blog, Jo)