Friday, June 28, 2013

Sometimes a thing just has to be done.

I jog around 3K through the park every morning. I make a habit of it so that breaking the habit and not running becomes the anomaly. So that not running on a weekday morning is the strange thing. And just an aside, I hate running. I do it to be able to eat what I want without guilt. Because what better thing to mumble when you're caught elbow deep in a bag of Doritos is "'S'okay, I ran this morning."?

So this morning when I looked outside it was raining. And when I say raining I mean pouring. End of days style. I shrugged my shoulders and got dressed. I decided not to run but walk so I put on my raincoat and rubber boots. I got halfway down the street and I was drenched. So rather than turn around and give up, I pressed on. By the time I got to the park, literally 3 minutes away, my clothes were soaked through. Thankfully it was warm so I wasn't completely uncomfortable.

Incredibly, the weather didn't dampen my spirits so I did something I haven't done in years. I jumped through every puddle I saw. I must have looked like a lunatic. I also chased the ducks around the park like a kook and meandered, not rushed through the rain. It was awesome. I only spent about 30 minutes outside splashing around like an idiot but it was so much fun. I recommend behaving like a childish goofball at least once a week. It's good for what ails you. Unless you have the flu. Then ignore everything I just wrote.

kxx (this was the content of my boot once I got home)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

The joy of coining a new word

It's no surprise to my longtime readers and IRL friends that I love to watch Maury Povich. It's not an everyday thing but if there's nothing else on, I'll flip over. There's nothing like feeling superior to the slutty fools and inbred morons that populate this programme. Another thing that delights me are their names. They canNOT be serious with these names.

Pancake? Did the parents just decide to name the baby after the last thing they ate at Denny's? Ianieka? Offspring of Ian and Tanieka? Why oh why? Then today we had Tequila (I'm sure she was named after the song and not the drink) and Deja. Oh, I'm sorry De'Ja. I'm not kidding. I saw the name and sputtered to Scott through my tea "Oh my god, there's a putostrophe...."

We laughed at my mis-speak, joking that maybe that's the way her parents would say the actual word. Then we realized that this could be a new word for exactly that. A word for when an apostrophe is "put" wherever the hell you want to stick it.

So here's my whole'Hearted endorse'Ment of the use of the term "putostrophe" and I give you all the permis'Sion to sprinkle them through'Out your daily e'Mails and memos. Look how mu'Ch fun!

Putostrophes. Your spell'Check may not like it but it's the wave of the futu'Re!


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Elliott's a YouTube sensation!

Okay, not really but we sure have had a lot of hits to a video I just posted online a few years ago. I just did it  in case something happened to to the computer. Which it did, by the way, and lost every photo and video except for the things in "the cloud". Yay Internets!

So anyway, this video has over 37,000 hits and if I had known I'd have given it a beginning and an end... maybe even some intrigue or drama ("In a wooorld where only the clean-shaven survive... will this intrepid young man and his kindly father survive the cutting yet creamy demands of a daily hygienic routine?").

My point is, how do I make money off this check out the comments. I just got another one this morning saying how lucky Elliott is to have a dad to teach him to shave. I always thought that because of the safety razor, dads don't do this for their sons anymore. I mean really, with the new 5 blade razors, you couldn't even pop a balloon with one. Isn't teaching your offspring to shave a holdover to when you used a straight razor to do it and you could slice the skin off your face like cheddar cheese off a block? I really thought it was a quaint old tradition like a man asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage or not texting at the dinner table. But it looks to me that even with the evolution of the safety razor, sons all over still want their dads to teach them how to shave. I think it's a bonding moment and something once it's missed you can never get it back. Like when we mums get to go shopping for that first box of Tampax. That's what I'm getting from the majority of comments.

So guys, if you're reading this and it's not too late, grab a razor and help your kid drag it across his face. It's 5 minutes out of your lives that he'll look back on fondly (or at least it'll be one less thing he'll bitch about you in therapy). You're welcome.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

"Shouldn't you be writing a blog post?"

Said Elliott to me as he saw me again getting lost in the sucking black hole that is Candy Crush. He even threatened to turn off the monitor. The nerve. And I very vividly remember the days when I wished he could walk and talk. Now this. It's an abuse of power, I tell you. What happened to honouring your father and mother. That's in the flipping BIBLE, people! I mean really, who's the adult here? If I want to play Candy Crush then have ice cream for dinner, it's my prerogative. Am I right? And if I want to play Candy Crush and not do my blog ever again then....

Okay, fine. I'm done. I'll just keep it open in another window that I'll flip to when he's not looking. Ha. See? Mature brain triumphs over teenaged brain every time.

So yeah... today's blog is as usual, what I was doing at 2:01 today. When the alarm went off I was at a stoplight coming home from an appointment at the Heart Institute. I have a little high blood pressure issue that they want to keep an eye on. I really shouldn't have picked up the thing in the car but when I hear the thing go off, I jump out of my skin every time. Plus it was a red light as you can see from the taillights and the actual red signal ahead...

So I hope you all have a productive day. As for myself, I gotta go. I have some candy to obliterate before Elliott finds out.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Dear The Kaye Way,

Hey there blog I created. I'm sorry.

You were born in 2006 on MySpace as a way for my to expose myself to the planet. Wow, that didn't come out right. I really just wanted to carve out my little place in the world and on the internet. You and I had a great relationship for years. I wrote a post for you every single day except weekends and even one November I tried writing every single day. That was hard but fun.

Then a couple of years ago I started to pull away. It's not you, it's me. Really. I got busy, I got distracted, I got teens who bogart the computer, I got a husband who (often loudly) wonders why I was constantly blogging and never getting rich, I got a house that looks like a cyclone hit it and I got the twitches from goddamn frigging Candy Crush. And you have been the sacrifice in all this. And for that, I'm truly sorry.

I know that when I sit down to write a post for you I enjoy every minute of it. I love the feeling that I get when I finally click "publish" and I get feedback on you from family and friends. I just can't find the time to squeeze you in. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

But, today marks the first day of summer for me. I'm off until the end of August and my plan is to update you every day. Even when I don't have anything awesome to say. Remember my stream-of-consiousness blogs? (ugh, I'd rather forget them too). I just want to to get back in the habit again. I love to blog and ignoring you is as healthy for me as eating a dozen maple glazed. So for my health and happiness, prepare to have the best summer you've had in years. At least that's the plan...

See you tomorrow,


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

At 2:01 today I

Was giving Archie a rather vigorous scratch. She rewarded me with the most fearsome of yawns. No wonder mice are terrified of these things. I mean think of the teeth in proportion. If something roughly the size of a Voyageur bus came at me with gaping jaws like this I'd crap myself and run under the nearest sofa too.

I KEEL you!

But really she is the sweetest thing. This was her sleeping just a few days ago. She was seriously out like a light. She didn't even wake up when the shutter clicked.

See? D'awww...


Thursday, June 6, 2013

The early bird gets the worm

This dude was my reward for being at the park at 5:50am this morning. See, this is why I love running here. The amount of wildlife I see on a daily basis seriously boggles my mind. Plus I didn't even notice until I watched the video back that there is so much birdsong that you can barely hear me. In my amazing neighbourhood I can walk to the river, the pub, the second largest mall in Ottawa, the movies and bike to the beach. The only thing you can't get is a fresh apple. You have to get in the car and drive 5 minutes to the grocery store for that. Unless you want to try your luck with the suspicious bowl of fruit at the cash register at the gas station. Amir says they're fine but I have my doubts. It's city, suburb and country all rolled into one. I often tell Scott that this is "my pine box" house. As in "I'm not leaving until I'm in..."

I love it here. And apparently so does Methuselah. That's what I call my ugly friend up there.