Friday, March 23, 2018

When was the first time you felt old?

I'm 50 now (harrumph!) and I've never been in better shape. I can lift a ton (not an actual ton (d'uh)... but I can bench more than half my weight) and do over 20 boy push-ups in one go. I've lost over 10 pounds and I'm feeling great and super strong. That said I feel old.

No, not look old (I still look relatively uncracked) but there are things that happen on the daily that remind me of how old I actually am. Like the time I threw out my back just by coughing and the time I nearly got run over by a car as I chased a $5 into the street like the old miser I am.

The first time I really felt old was around 2000 when I went to my first parent/teacher meeting. I couldn't believe this was me. When did I become a responsible adult? Then I started seeing really suspicious things all around me. The guy I thought was cute at the grocery checkout was old enough to be my... cousin. My doctor, who seemed really old to me at the time, made a reference to The Electric Company that I understood. Singers looked like children and sang songs I didn't understand. The Thong Song? No. Mambo #5? Why?

Now it seems that everyone is younger than me. Henry's high school principal, my new doctor, all my cool neighbours, my co-workers, even the Prime Minister. People who are supposed to be older than I am. Welp, at least I can find solace in the fact that I can bench press more than most of these children...


Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Wow! March already!

Time flies when you're having fun. Or more accurately... time goes by exactly as it should while you slog through this exhausting life until you inevitably pass onto greener pastures. Potato/potahto...

I had an interesting month (like I always do, frankly). I smiled, worked and worked out (5x/week... yikes!) through a deep, hacking cough that I probably got from those gooey yucks at school and promptly passed it to my whole family (sorry, guys). It's still lingering (or it's a new one... it hasn't decided). I got together with friends old and new, played some pub trivia did some (lots of) shopping, and did a dragonboat fitness test where I found I was 10 pounds lighter than I was in November. Who knew? Oh and I got a little bee tattoo to commemorate my Auntie B who died two Februarys ago.

So that was my month in a nutshell. How was yours? Do anything cool I should know about?


Tuesday, January 16, 2018

What do you call a 4'9" runaway psychic?

All my life I've thought that, in terms of clothes, small, medium, large and extra large meant:

Small: teens

Medium: tiny adults

Large: normal adults

XLarge: bigger adults

I know that all sizes vary between brands but generally, I kinda thought this was the way it was. I often blamed my giant muscular thighs and calves for the fact that every pair of large yoga/jogging pants I ever bought didn't quite fit. And by "didn't quite fit" I mean they always slowly and annoyingly rolled or slid their way down to the sweet spot at my c-section scar and sat there. That or I'd have to hold them up throughout a whole run. Which I've done more times than I care to admit.

So imagine my surprise when I accidentally bought a medium sized pair of exercise tights on the weekend. For some reason I tried them on before bringing them back and I was shocked. Is this the way these pants are supposed to feel? All snug and wonderful? All stay uppy and non-rolly downy? I may never take them off.


PS: The punchline to the joke is... a small medim at large.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Did I ever tell you about the Sandman?

So this Christmas eve tradition started when I realized one Christmas morning that the kids' pyjamas were awful in every single photograph I took. Torn, stained, stretched out, too small, you name it. So the following year, and every year after, the Sandman would come on Xmas eve and leave a gift for the kids to open the night before. It always just so happened to be new pjs. It is the Sandman after all... The guy in charge of sleep.

Also, the Sandman is also low key pissed to leave his, I don't know... lair to have to only come to our house. He wraps badly, uses too much or too little paper and scribbles the names directly on the packages. This year he straight up forgot which box was for who and he only had 2 to keep track of. Oh you silly Sandman.

In case you can't read what he scrawled on the gifts, here it is:

"Ok. So here's the deal... I'm the Sandman not Santa I have no elves and I have no patience. You are lucky these are even wrapped. One of these is for the boys, one is for the girls. You figure it out. I forgot, frankly.

Whatever, enjoy, sleep well,
The Sandman"

I hope the kids do it too. Or start something new of their own. Christmas traditions have to start somewhere.


Friday, October 20, 2017

New schedule

In an effort to make it to the Dragonboat World Championships in Hungary next year, I've stepped up my workouts. Over the spring and summer I had been on the water up to 4 times a week, paddling my little heart out. Now that the season on the water is done, I have to keep up my fitness. The regimen I

hold it

I just read that back and two things... a) It sounds boring and 2) If I write any more about this, it'll get even more boring. Trust me.

Suffice it to say that my new schedule has me waking up at 6 to run before my demanding teaching job then going to the gym after that demanding job to lift weights.

Now was that so hard?

Jesus, I think that this dragonboat thing is making me boring. I used to do so many other things that brought me joy. Cosplay, ukulele, knitting, baking, movies... I was so well rounded. Now I'm only blasting my lats, constantly checking my heart rate, trying my best to complete a single pull-up, and comparing and contrasting protein drinks. Yup, boring.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Have you ever had a Brazilian

meal? What?

Anyway, over the Labour day weekend, My friends and I went to Toronto for a Depeche Mode concert. One of the nights we went to a Brazilian restaurant. For those of you who haven't experienced this, you pay a flat fee, get access to a small buffet of side dishes and then comes the meat. Waiters came around over and over with meats on long skewers that they slice off as needed. And oh man, is it needed. There was shrimp, chicken, salmon, lamb, beef pork, steak wrapped in bacon, steak flavoured in a million ways and did I mention steak? At the end of the meal, I was in a food coma akin to the one you get at Thanksgiving. It was insane. And speaking of insane, I forgot to mention the floor show with scantily clad dancers and acrobats on silks. In a restaurant. Where people are eating. I shit you not.

But all that food insanity gave me pause. What if you had the same concept but for desserts? You sit in your seats as dessert carts came by. Over and over and over. What's not to like? You'd have small, tasting sized portions of everything that is available that day. Everything from cake to pie, trifle to Eton mess. A great British Bake Off dream. The only thing off the table is the dancing girls. I mean really...


Saturday, September 9, 2017

My laptop is back

After a long summer dealing with a bloated and slow laptop, here I am back again. Did you miss me? I've had an amazing 50th summer. Among other things I had a surprise birthday party, saw Depeche Mode for the 6th time, visited the Maritimes for the first time, Went to the National Championships in the sport I love, had fun, and took many naps.

Now that it's over, I'm trying to gain some perspective on being 50. So far my philosophy is to start as I mean to go on. I guess that means more parties, more concerts, more travel more dragonboat, more fun, and of course, more naps.

I'm going to kill being 50.


My 1st selfie as a 50 year old.