Thursday, December 24, 2015

I know, I know...

I'm supposed to feel sad and scared about the state of the globe and worry myself sick about climate change but I can't. I just can't.

Today I went for a drive, picking up last minute Christmas gifts at the pharmacy. Wearing no coat and my brand new (designer) shoes because it was 18C with glorious sunshine. I had the window rolled down and I was bellowing "All I want is Christmas is You" with Mariah on the radio. As I drove I saw a scooter and two motorcycles drive by. When I got home I went for a walk in the park. I saw a woman in a tank top jog by and a family having a BBQ. On Christmas Eve. In Canada. Did I mention that's today is Xmas Eve?

I know we (the collective we... not my family) will pay for this somehow. Maybe with snow until June or pouring rain all summer. But today, I'm enjoying every second of this. Sorry not sorry, Planet.


Tuesday, December 15, 2015

So this happened

Well, this is a disappointment. Now before I launch into this, know that everything is all about me. If you've read even two posts to this blog, you know I'm not exaggerating.

In September, Henry got an academic award. He got a certificate and medal for getting "the highest standing in Grade 9 English". Great news, yes? No. Because I just heard about it this afternoon. There was a ceremony and everything. A ceremony that I missed because Henry didn't bring the information home.

Of course I'm delighted that he got this but he robbed me of the pride and joy I'd have felt in a room full of teachers, kids and other parents. I missed the fun of finding the perfect shirt and tie and breaking out my Fluevogs. And the pictures. The hundreds and hundreds of pictures. And tears. Boo.

So here's the award he found scrunched at the bottom of his locker this afternoon and unceremoniously dropped in my lap. Sigh.


Monday, December 7, 2015

The Little Drummer Boy

I've talked before about how much I hate that song. No matter who sings it (nice try Justin) or who tries to hide it like veggies in pizza sauce (I'm looking at you Bing and Bowie).

I snarked about it here years ago...

So over the weekend, I found myself listening to the local station that plays Christmas music 24/7. It's keeping me from lunging to switch stations every time that buzzkill song by Adele comes on. Anyway, they announced that Little Drummer Boy is coming up next. As I started my patented Adele lunge, I heard the best version of that song I've ever heard. Not that it will ever be my favourite song but this version sure goes to show that a little re-arrangement will go a long way. Plus she took the stupid "pa-rum-pa-pum-pum"s out. Perfect.



Anyway, let's talk about Christmas songs you love (and don't love... I'm looking at you, Chipmunks). I'm feeling very Christmassy right now despite the above 0 temps and my general lack of organization. Because if I have to think of all the shopping and decorating I haven't done yet, I'm may have a holiday meltdown.


Tuesday, November 24, 2015

I'm thinking of taking this act on the road...

(I'm under no illusion that I'm a good singer or that I didn't make some epic mistakes, but I love singing at ukulele group. It's a safe, supportive place and I get to play out my rockstar fantasy every month.)

Monday, November 16, 2015

Who am I?

I went to Service Canada today to get my health card updated and found that my whole life has been a lie. For the last 48 years I've been calling myself "Karen" when I should have been using my actual first name Elisa. I'm more than a little weirded out by this. By the misuse of a comma, my world is turned upside down.

I know it won't impact my life but I keep thinking about all the times I use my name. From making restaurant reservations to my bloody wedding day. God, am I even still married? Technically, Scott didn't use my real name... There's my signature, every single piece of ID I have, even my tattoo, for goodness sake!

Okay, I know that realistically nothing in my life is going to change but it feels so bizarre. I feel like a "Karen" right down to my DNA. My mother chose it because it was one of the commonest names in 1967. She only chose Elisa because her middle name is Eliza but it sounded too old fashioned to her. By the way, it's pronounced ee-LEE-sa. Not sure why she went that way but that's the way it is. I think. I'm not too sure about a lot of things after today.

I told this to the kids and now Elliott is gleefully calling me Elisa. I feel like I should tell everyone I come across in case they think I'm trying to fool them. But talk about the long con. Forty-eight years and counting.

kxx (exx?)

PS: Ooh! If we're picking new identities too, can I choose "multilingual sexy spy"?

Thursday, November 12, 2015

So proud of my boys yesterday

Yesterday was Remembrance Day and Scott and Elliott were asked to participate in a small event. My neighbour Eric and his wife work at a senior's residence and they were having a little ceremony. Because they know Scott's dad was in the RCAF and Elliott plays the pipes, the boys were asked to help out. And of course because I'm all fomo* all the time, I took the morning off work to see what they were going to be doing.

I uncharacteristically sat back and while they did their thing. I can't say I didn't pepper random conversations with "that's my son/husband!", but I did my best to stay out of the way and let them do their thing. I was proud and happy to watch them in action.

Scott chatting up the ladies

The requisite selfie 

Piping the first song

The prayers

Song 2

Distracted by my shoes yet again

Song 3

Scott shows off his dad's uniform

The boys' Q and A

*fomo = "fear of missing out"

How did you commemorate Remembrance Day yesterday?


Wednesday, November 4, 2015

These are a few of my favourite things....

Close your eyes and picture Julie Andrews trilling those beautiful notes while jumping on a bed with 7 adorable motherless waifs, then open your eyes to the reality of a chubby, Black, baldheaded woman squatting at her computer in her pyjamas with an empty plate of partially eaten pizza crusts around her. Where are her 3 waifs? Dunno.

Sorry to remind you that his is the real world, folks.


I want to share a few of my favourite things right now. Join me as we take a walk through my weird little mind today.

1. Scrub shirts at work. Where have they been all my life? When I did my first field placement back when the earth was cooling, the centre had a policy that all their teachers wear them. At the time I thought it was oppressive and mean. Nope. These shirts are easy to clean, I don't care how many times I wear them in a month, it takes half the time to choose my wardrobe for the day since I only have 10, and best reason ever? The POCKETS. My god, the number of times I pick something up to re-home, need kleenex or a pen, it's right there in one of my many deep pockets. And I can embrace my nerdiness with the patterns available.

2. Not having to wear scrubs. I now love going out and showing that I have a figure and nice clothes.

3. My tiny frog Jay. He's in a small tank with my betta fish and he makes me laugh every day. When it's feeding time he bolts to the top of the tank and back down looking like he bangs his head on the gravel every time. Then he'll freeze dead in a hilarious pose on his back legs like Michigan J. Frog from the Bugs Bunny cartoon. That's why his name is "Jay". I've had the thing for months and it kills me every time.

Can't you just see him with a top hat and cane belting out "Ragtime Gal"?

4. My half days at work. Yes, we need the money and yes, I need a pension, but damn, when I'm doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom at 2pm or making a fancy supper in the middle of the week, it pays off for my mental health and general happiness. Afternoon naps are an exquisite bonus. Plus if you're having a shitty day at work (and trust me, in a preschool I don't always mean that figuratively), it's nice to remember that I'll be home in the sweet embrace of my couch-groove in mere hours.

5. My new shoes. A second pair of Fluevogs and they make me so happy. I was at a meeting last night and I caught sight of them and was distracted by them for so long that my boss who was sitting beside me, watching me gaze at my outstretched leg, commented "nice shoes" but I think it was more of a "will you effing pay attention?" Hee.

6. Periscope. It's an app where people can film what they are doing in real time. You watch and post comments and questions that you can answer. The other day I watched a guy in the UK making pancakes, asking him questions about ingredients. I know how weird that sounds but you have to take my word for it. It's so great. I'm actually filming myself blogging this very minute. No one is watching oops... 2 people just logged in and are watching me as I type. Weird...


Monday, November 2, 2015

On stage again

And the number of fucks I give about how fat I am and how badly I sing ranges from 0 to about 2. It is cancelled out by how proud I am about getting up there every time. That's why I feel it is my duty to assault you with the video each time I attempt this. I've got 2 more I'd like to try before the new year so gear up...

So there you have it. I'm working on an unfamiliar but very sweet song by AJ Raphael and a Christmas song by Spongebob. You heard. So be prepared to turn your speakers way way down!


Monday, October 26, 2015

Thinking a lot about dogs lately

I've never really been a dog person, but I like other people's pooches. Audrey has been begging for a dog for... how old is she now? Seventeen?... 17 years and I think I'm finally ready. Scott has been really vocal in his dislike for large dogs in the city. He had dogs all his life in the country and having them spend most of their lives outside running loose and pooping wherever, is more attractive to him than my preference: a cute little dog. Okay, Benji. My dream dog is Benji. My preference is to have a dog that's essentially the size and demeanour of a cat. Audrey just wants a dog.

Looka dat face...

Scott is an engineer and responds really well to projects and presentations. Months ago I had Audrey approach this whole thing like a school assignment. She would do research, on breeds, cost, allergenic-ness (both she and Scott have dog allergies), compatibility with cats, medical issues... everything under the sun that Scott could ask about dog ownership. She is going to present this on powerpoint at some point whenever it's ready as if it's for marks. But even better, if she passes she'll get a dog.

What about you? What dog breed is your favourite? What do you think will work best with our family? And our cat? A puppy? An older dog? What do you think?


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Photo Dump

Haven't done this in a while... should be interesting.

Organizing my geeky tshirt drawer. I counted over 50... They're really mashed in!

Audrey gets a trim. I love going there. It takes the day and as it wears on, my West Indian accent gets thicker and thicker. And I don't even have one in the first place.

Scott and I in a dragonboat, about to take off to see the super moon.

There it is.

Really? Go home, Pumpkin Spice. You're drunk.

Texted this to Audrey asking which one she wanted. Her reply: all.

We're about to get some stuff done to the front of the house and I wanted a before picture.

My friend Heidi's cows. Named Porkchop, Meatloaf, Haggis and Chickenwing. Guess where they'll be next year at this time?

Heidi's husband told me he had never taken a selfie before. Challenge accepted.

Can you see me? I was on stage at Grownups Read Things They Wrote as Kids.

My boss treating us really special on Teacher's Day. There was a scarf, nail polish and chocolate inside.

Field trip to Auntie Shelley's orchard. One of the dads chucked an apple core then everyone thought it would be a riot to have target practice. It was.

Who doesn't like a roll in the hay?

Shadow selfie

Scarecrow in the corn maze

Um... doesn't quite work when both kids are the same weight

Snack in the barn

Thanksgiving craft

Thanksgiving menu

Me after cooking all that. I really didn't want to eat a thing. I'd been tasting all day.

The best cereal in the world. You cannot convince me that all the colours taste the same.

Leftovers! Turkey pot pie. I preferred it to the turkey

So I was at the Fluevog store and I couldn't choose. I posted this picture on facebook, but the general consensus (and the one I preferred too) was the one on the left

Waking up at 5:15 doesn't always suck.

New shoes at work.

Okay, that wasn't as riveting as I thought it'd be. Oh well, what are you gonna do?


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Halloween This or That

Here is a quiz I got that I was to answer on Facebook then tag people and whatnot, but I hate doing that and would rather just answer the darn questions myself. If you would like to answer them, though, just copy and paste into the answer box.

1. Chocolate candy or fruity?
I prefer fruity desserts to chocolatey ones, but when it comes to candy, I like everything in moderation. I may be the only person to actually like chalky candies like Rockets and Tums. What? Not a candy? Maybe to you...

2. Witches or Vampires?

When it comes to tv, I love me some vampires. In movies, witches.

3. Trick or Treat?

Treat every time. I suck at playing tricks and I hate having them played on me.

4. Halloween Party or Scary Movie?

Halloween party every time. The costumes, the treats, dancing... why would I want to be stressed or grossed out for "fun"?

5. Skeletons or Zombies?

Skeletons. I like that everybody and everything has one.

6. Trick-or-Treat or Hand Out Candy?

I'd rather trick or treat, but I'm too old now. So I'm relegated to handing it out.

7. Hay Ride or Corn Maze?

I have a less than zero sense of direction and have been known to get lost in mazes for humiliating amounts of time. So the answer is hay ride.

8. Scary Costume or Funny Costume?

Funny or "punny" costumes are my favourite. 

9. Pumpkin Seeds or Pumpkin Pie?

Seeds if I have to pick. Not crazy about either, but I do love a rich and creamy pumpkin soup.

10. Bottle Feed A Baby Zombie or Walk Alone Through A Dark Forest?

I refuse to answer on the grounds that this one is stupid.

11. Bats or Black Cats?

Both. I find them both really cool.

12. Pumpkin Spice or hot Chocolate?

Hot chocolate. Pumpkin spice is overrated. 

13. Celebrate in your neighborhood or at the mall?

If we're talking trick or treating, the neighbourhood. But for shopping, well...


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Working on loving fall

Okay. I admit that I've been pretty negative about the changing season. It's not Autumn's fault. As a standalone season, it's fine, really. It's only because fall reminds me that winter (my real enemy) is coming that I dislike it so much. You know me, I love summer so freaking much that I usually start grouching about it from now until my first dragonboat practice in May. So I forced myself to think about this and here are ten things I love about Fall:

1) No bugs
2) Easier dinners. Casseroles, lasagnes, roasts and slow cooker meals play to my lazy side
3) No more bathing suits
4) New tv shows. I already have very little space left on my PVR
5) I get to use the seat warmers in Scott's car (if and when I get to drive it)

Here's where it started to get hard...

6) It's pretty
7) Socks. I hate sand between my toes (I know)
8) My leopard skin patterned Snuggie
9) Hats. I can really rock hats
10) Less guilt when I want to spend the entire weekend under a blanket watching tv.

Hey I did it. Bring on the cooler weather. I guess.


Tuesday, September 29, 2015

A picture an hour? Sounded like fun at the time...

Last week I took a photo an hour for a day from 2pm to 6pm (skipping 10 to 7 because, frankly, interrupting my REM sleep to amuse you wasn't part of the plan). So sit back, relax and enjoy all that I do in an average day.

2pm: I just sat down to check my important emails. Okay, I was reading Buzzfeed or something.

3pm: Time to watch my favourite podcasters do a video. It was so cool to put faces to the voices.

4pm: I spend a little time with my boys.

5pm: I should be cooking dinner but the attention from my boys was so compelling...

6pm: An after dinner uke practice

7pm: Reading magazines. The Time Magazine is right underneath... I swear.

8pm: Prime time not only for tv watching but family too.

9pm: Great! I love loading up the dishwasher just before bed. Yes, I said bed. I've become my mother.

7am: Up with the lark so get ready for my bright shiny day.

8am: Dropping off Audrey at school in time for band practice

9am: Just about to start work

11am: Cleaning. They did a great job using all our resources. That's teacher-speak for making a mess. I clearly missed the 10am alarm from having too much fun. More teacher-speak?

12pm: Here's what I do at noon. I grab my fleece and head out.

1pm: Off to Costco I go. Pay no attention to the shit in my cart. My advice to you: never shop while hungry.

2pm: Second location. I usually go to 4 places on shopping day. Ugh.

3pm: Time to put everything away.

4pm: More cleaning. This time the stuff that doesn't fit in the dishwasher. 

5pm: Making something sweet with leftover quiche pastry. Cinnamon roll thingies. They came out great. I may just make them without having to make a quiche in the first place.

6pm: Stupid alarm woke me up from my nap. Hey, I deserve it. I'm old and I had a busy day.