Tuesday, July 30, 2013

At 2:01 today

I was watching an episode of Doctor Who series 1 (the reboot from 2005), thinking about what to write for this blog and staring down the cat. As usual, lazy multitasking. Anyway, rather than take another photo of the television set or computer screen, I opted for yet another photo of my cat Archie. Yes, this is one of the most favourite do nothing summers I've had in recent memory. Aaaahh...

Looka dat face

So flipping cute


Monday, July 29, 2013

So It looks like I'm not as much of a complainer as I thought

So I've been wearing my 13 Whiny Band (for want of a better term) bracelets for a few days now, and I only had to move them over for the first time yesterday. But I had to do it four times over the course of an hour. Heh. Apparently I complain a lot during dragonboat practice. If I remember correctly it would have been about the weather, the intensity of the practice (x2) and the bulkiness of my pfd or something.

Yesterday was the only time in the last few days that I've been around people. Apparently I discovered that complaining in this house gets me nowhere since I obviously don't do it here. But look out, world. When I'm among others I really vent my spleen.

So I apologise in advance, and I do realise that this entire blog was a complaint about complaining, but according to what I've read, it only counts if you speak them. So there.


Friday, July 26, 2013

Here's another one right under the wire

I forgot until just now to write a Friday post. Here it is but it ain't pretty...

I'm wearing 13 Silly Bandz on my right wrist right now. Why? I heard somewhere that there is a trend now to wear a rubber bracelet on your arm and every time you complain about something, you transfer it to the other wrist. I figured instead of buying one of those Livestrong type bracelets that the movement demands (I think their colour is purple), I'd just use what I (I mean Audrey) already have (has?). And instead of transferring it back and forth, I'd just move one band over to the other arm to actually see the number of times I complain in a day.
There are the bracelets. And look at how cute she was still sucking her thumb at 12...

I've been doing it 2 days already and I haven't moved even one over. I call bullshit. I think what's happening is one of 2 things. One. I haven't run into anyone outside the kids and Scott and frankly, complaining to them is useless. They've heard all my nonsense before. The other thing is that I may complain so damn much that I don't even notice I'm doing it. I think that may be the problem here. I may complain the way I eat. Quickly and in a slight fugue state so that I don't even notice I'm doing it. That's why I'm so fat shapely. It's hard to catch yourself doing something you do so well even though it may not be good for your health.

I'll keep you updated on the experiment as things develop. In the next few days I'll be visiting family and having dragonboat practices so there'll be plenty of whining opportunities. I'll be interested to see how many Silly Bandz I have left after Sunday's practice when they're calling for rain and the coach drives us like we're paddling a Roman warship...


Thursday, July 25, 2013

I won!

That's the feeling everyone gets, isn't it, when you "win" an auction? But all you really win is the opportunity to buy the thing. But it's still exciting nonetheless.

So I won a silent auction for passes for 5 to the Museum of Civilisation. It is the jewel in the crown of museums around here with displays about native Canadians, and Canada in general, geographically, physically and politically. I know, it sounds boring but like most museums, they couch it in such interesting displays and interactive doodads so you can easily spend half the day staring up a totem pole without noticing. The actual price of admission would have been $65 for all of us so my "win" of $50 was a fairly good deal.

I also won another auction that day. It was the Dragonboat Festival, and on day 1 I was so excited to be there, that I ran through the auction tent signing my name to nearly everything not expecting to win. Heh. Anyway, this one was an actual deal. It's for a mani/pedi at a spa. Apparently it was a $50 value and the person who originally won didn't answer their phone so they went to the next lucky bidder who was me at $10. Ten dollars! What a steal. Now that was a win.

So I guess I really am lucky today. I should totally spring for a lotto ticket.


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I need to act my age

Signs I need to act my age which will be 46 in 17 days:

*The last 2 movies I saw in the theatre were Despicable Me 2 and Pacific Rim. Both were my idea and I had to drag the kids. Oh yeah, I loved them.

*I wear Converse runners and proudly own 11 pairs

*I own more nerdy tee shirts and skinny jeans than your garden variety, latte slurping hipster

*And speaking of hipsters, my everyday glasses look a lot like the 3D glasses you get at the multiplex. But at least those act their age... they're bifocals. I wish I was kidding.

*I regularly have Mackelmore songs stuck in my head

*Teletoon is one of my favourite channels. I mean have you ever watched Adventure Time? Seriously, do yourself a favour. It's weird and nonsensical and completely wonderful.

*I would never ever EVER eat vegetables again if I didn't have to set a good example for my children and, you know, to not have rickets or something

*I can't stop checking my emails, Facebook and twitter and I'm never more than a foot away from my iPod.

But you know what?  Maybe I want to come hobbling out of my 40s in a youthful state of mind. I work with preschool kids so I need to have a light, positive attitude. Plus trying to fit into those damned skinny jeans makes me at least try to keep fit (and eat mostly healthy) so I don't look like an overstuffed polska kielbasa.

And I actually like Thrift Shop.

Besides, my traitorous body constantly reminds me of how old I am every morning when I have to rock my body to get out of bed. And not in the cool Justin Timberlake kind of way. Or when I throw out my back trying to tie up those flipping Cons. When did they get so far away from my sadly grasping hands?


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

At 2:01 today I...

Was engaging in the most lazy of humanly pursuits. The movie marathon. Well, more accurately, a Netflix marathon of the BBC TV show "Sherlock". I was actually planning to watch some Doctor Who but in that nefarious section "Recommended For You", was Sherlock, all shiny and unwatched since I saw it on TV years ago. Plus it's the same production team and a lot of the actors have done both so it's kinda the same thing.

So that happened today. I could only squeeze in 2 episodes today so it wasn't much of a marathon, really, but rest assured, I'll watch the other 8 as soon as.

Now I'm off to me more productive. Dragonboat practice, here I come...


Sherlock deducting

Monday, July 22, 2013

Chipmunks used to be so cute

Maybe he's French? Who else would eat frog legs for breakfast?

 Until I witnessed one in the park eating a frog. Are you serious? Since when do they eat meat? Is it a global warming induced mutant? What happened to sweet little Chip 'n' Dale scampering through the forest searching for seeds and nuts for their warm winter's nap? This morning as I sat in the park for about half an hour, I watched while this evil furball thing ate the poor little froggy alive from the legs up. Did I not mention that before? At one point this mini monster got chased away by another one and the poor legless frog tried to drag itself away. Oh the horrors that happen in the duck pond at the park.

A cold blooded killer and his prey.


Friday, July 19, 2013

Stupid, mutinous body

I went shopping with Audrey yesterday and lost my balance on some stairs. I didn't fall, I just lost my balance and waved my arms around a bit to regain it. That was it. What resulted was a humiliating twist of my ankle or Achilles tendon or something that 20 years ago I would have laughed off while cleanly executing a half gainer onto the bottom stair. Today, as it stands in my advanced old age, I've had it slathered in unguents, elevated and wrapped to within an inch of its life. Woe is me. Sometimes you feel so young and vibrant then something happens to remind you that you are going to be half a century in less than 4 years.

What do I say to my kids? You get what you get and you don't get upset. Here are some good things about my twisted ankle:

-I didn't have to couldn't run
-I took it easy today. I only made 8 loaves of challah and a trifle
-I sat on the computer and combed through everyone's photos of SDCC day 1. And I mean everyone's
-I watched Robin Hood Men in Tights and remembered how much I loved it
-I listened to some podcasts
-I sat outside in the rain (under the house eaves)

So all in all it was a terrific day ankle or no ankle. Take that broken down old body.


Thursday, July 18, 2013

Old toys

I've been reading a lot of blogs and seeing a lot of photos from San Diego Comic Con which starts tomorrow. I'm eating myself up with jealousy, but I can't look away. Suffice it to say that a trip to California for this event is on my bucket list.

Anyway, this blog isn't about SDCC. One day, but not today.

Today I was reading about a man who was searching the Con to find an old toy of his and it got me to thinking about my old playthings. I had a lot of them when I was a kid like we all must have had in the days PI (pre-internet). Barbies, Mr. Potato Head, great games like Perfection and Hungry Hungry Hippos, and remember when Legos were just a bunch of multicoloured bricks? Not like today when we buy the Death Star set and that's all you could build.

I had lots to play with, but the thing I remember most fondly was an alarm clock. Not that you need an alarm clock when you are 7 years old and your mother had an insistent West Indian voice, but I had one just the same. And I loved that clock. It was a Raggedy Ann and Andy alarm clock. I'm going to go down an eBay rabbit hole right now and see if I can scare up a photograph. Be right back...

Not bad, I've only been away 20 minutes.

Of course 10 of those minutes were spent trying to get over the fact that nearly every description of this thing included the word "vintage". Brrr.

So here is my clock. I loved this thing. To outsiders it may have been super annoying when it spoke, but to me it was soothing in a way that can only be explained by getting you to think about your childhood bedroom. See? Like that.

When the alarm went off, there was a doorbell sound. Then the conversation started:

Ann: Andy! Andy! Please get up. It's time to call our friend!
Andy: Okay, Ann, I'm awake, let's shout it once again.
Ann & Andy: We were set to wake you. So here we are to say:
Ann: Please get up.
Andy: Brush your teeth,
Ann & Andy: And start your happy day!

I know, right? Adorable. I'd love to buy another one, but I know the memory of it is much sweeter than the actuality of it could ever be. So I'll keep the memory of that clock locked in my head along with mye Happy Face piggybank and my Barbie with the pen drawn vaginal hair (yup.)


Personal to my brother Mikey: Remember when the batteries died in that clock and how we laughed and laughed at the slurred words? Aaaaaaannnnndddy, Aaaaaaaaannnnddy. Plllllllleeeeeaaasseee geeeeet uuuuuuupp.... I still giggle when I think about it. Good times.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Don't you wish you were my neighbour?

I'm feeling very generous this week so for Shabbat (Friday) I'm going to bake challahs for everyone I know on the street. Before you freak out, thinking I'll be slaving in a hot kitchen all day, I only know 8 families on the street. That's only 4 batches. Two tomorrow and 2 Friday.

Baking bread is super easy. Just read what the recipe says and follow it exactly. I often wonder when people say they can't cook. Ummm... can't you read? Just follow the recipe. When I say I can't cook, I mean I can't just go into the kitchen and make up something on the fly from the contents of my fridge. This isn't Chopped, you know. But I can read quite well, actually, and very often, I'll go to my favourite recipe website and slavishly replicate what they've laid out. Hey, it works for me.

Anyway, back to the challah. They'll all get a mini loaf with sesame seeds (much like the photo above of my previous handiwork) and they'l lavish me with hugs and veggies from their gardens. It's the way I measure my worth. By the appreciation I get for my baking.

See? Who needs therapy when I have a blog? And an oven.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

At 2:01 today I

Was just "welcoming" the family back from their oh-so-short 72 hour camping trip. Henry came straight in, put his giant dirty feet on my coffee table and proceeded to watch some car rebuilding show on tv. Just to add to the pungent picture, he smells like armpit. There goes my trashy tv. And my calm-blue-ocean mental state.


Monday, July 15, 2013

Blissfully alone

Scott is a budding entrepreneur who works out of the house. Two thirds of my children are here underfoot (the other third is away at camp) sitting mutely and lazily on the computer most days. I, of course, am off for the summer. While this seems like a summer of Saturdays to most outsiders, it's not so much fun fr me. Gone are the days when I was home alone for at least 6 hours when I could sit mutely and lazily on the computer most days. Now I have to make up little jobs and actually do them every day so that I don't look as lazy as I want to be. And in fact actually am inside.

So anyway, the kids that aren't at camp went camping with their father yesterday. Can I tell you how delighted I am about this? They're gone until tomorrow night. It's different being alone in your own house rather that away on a trip. I can wake up late in my own bed (which I did), watch trashy tv (which I also did), walk around topless (which I didn't do... are you high?), and eat whatever I want for dinner (hmmm... shall I go with the ranch or cheese popcorn flavouring tonight?)

It's super hot, yet my feet are freezing in the AC. The rest of the family is trying to keep cool in whatever body of water they are camped beside and good luck with that. Yes, okay, they are BBQing steaks but I'm eating my popcorn in front of The Bachelorette. So take that, happy campers.


Friday, July 12, 2013

Adventures at Costco

I went grocery shopping today and was delighted to find this gem in the parking lot at Costco. With the stress I feel at the people who decide that the warehouse is the best place in all of beautiful Ottawa to have a family lunch, parking their monstrous mayonnaise tub filled carts in the middle of the aisles, this made my geeky heart smile.

Especially when on a normal Costco visit, I could have done this damage myself.


Thursday, July 11, 2013

The force was with us

Yesterday the family and I went to the Star Wars Identities exhibit at our local museum. It was interesting because while it had a lot of costumes, memorabilia and interesting facts about the series, it was more of an examination of personalities and what makes you you.

As you wandered through the show you saw, interspersed with costumes from the movies and video clips, little movies about DNA, nature versus nurture and the effect of culture on who we are. Do you know the best way in the world to hide a dry sociology class? Stick it in a Darth Vader costume.

You were issued bracelets at the beginning of the tour and throughout you were asked questions about the species you want to be, your friends and even your job. At each question station you held your bracelet to your multiple choice answer and at the end they project the resulting alien on a wall.

The very last question was which side you wanted to join. As a purely sociological experiment I of course joined the Dark Side. Check out my chosen mentor Darth Maul and the haze of red evil energy around me. I just couldn't help myself.


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Confession time

Most of you know I don't like coffee. I love the smell but the taste... Yuck. How can you people drink that stuff? Anyway, instead I drink tea. I like it a lot. I prefer "regular" tea and not herbal and I like it every way possible from all black to two creams two sugars (double double). I'm not crazy about iced tea.

Here's the confession. If you told me I could never drink tea again, I'd be okay with it. Why? Because I don't love it. I think I only drink it just to kill time. To make a stop at Timmy's while I'm on my way somewhere. To keep my hands busy when I'm bored. I love the ritual of making a cup of tea and the minutes before I take the first sip so I don't burn my mouth. Finally when it's the perfect temperature, I love that very first sip. After that I'm pretty much done. I don't know how many times I've let a cup of tea go cold because I've forgotten it after a couple of sips. Or found a full mug of tea days later in a weird place. Isn't that strange?

It's also not much of a confession. It's nothing like admitting that I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die (What? A Johnny Cash reference from me? There's a confession that I'll save for another day) but there you go.

Any weird little confessions you want to share with the class?


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

At 2:01 Today I

Was doing absolutely nothing. Glorious, delightful, nothing. I had just come home from the movies with Audrey (Despicable Me 2) and I'm now "resting up" for dragon boat. God, I'm so lazy. How's your summer?


Monday, July 8, 2013

Blogger's block

I'm sitting here looking at photos, reading old posts and wracking my brain and I'm getting no inspiration. All I want to do is get out of this blasted computer chair and sit on the couch with my family and watch Coronation Street.

So sadly, this is what's going to pass for a blog today. I promise to put more thought and time into a terrific post for you tomorrow but for today, please make do with this hilarious comic...


Friday, July 5, 2013

Flashback Friday!

Okay, it's a cop-out because Elliott's leaving for 6 weeks (cadet camp) and we have a crap-load of stuff to do but there you are. Today's post will be a repost of one of my favourites. Well, a blog older than yesterday's, anyway. Why don't I choose a year way back when I was a happy, fresh faced blogger posting on MySpace. Yes, that would be before the widespread use of facebook, folks. Because that's how long I've been doing this. Oy...

My Eye Has A Runny Nose from 6 November 2007


Thursday, July 4, 2013

How can you leave me?

I often call Audrey my island of oestrogen in a sea of testosterone. She is my shopping buddy, the one I go to when I hear an awesome new Macklemore song, and my fashion consultant when I'm running around the house with two different shoes on because I can't decide which one goes best with my outfit.

This afternoon she left me. She went with a carload of teens to Montreal to see a One Direction concert. When the car pulled up, all I heard was 1D and girls screaming singing. And they'd only been in the car 30 seconds. I feel sorry for Sylvia, who drew the short straw on this concert/hotel gig. We so owe her a drink (or 6) when she gets back. She'll be one of the walking wounded. Or at least stone deaf. At least I'll be able to keep in touch with her. Her high pitched squealing and crying will be audible even two hours away.


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

I'm so scared

Even though I've been a member of a canoe club and an avid dragonboater for 6 years, I'm still a little afraid of deep water. I always have been and I think I always will be. Today I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and I'm taking an intro to kayaking course. In an hour. The instructor stressed that we will be getting wet so I need to be prepared. I'm going in. See? My stomach just gave a sour little squeeze when I typed that.

I always try to tell the kids that we should often try something we're afraid of doing because it makes us strong and fearless but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I should be putting my affairs in order. Wish me luck...


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

At 2:01 today I was...


I was finishing lunch with two screens going where I was simultaneously watching All My Children on Hulu and playing effing, god-damned Candy Crush. Plus Dance Moms was on tv behind me. I think I need an intervention. For everything.


Monday, July 1, 2013

Canada ROCKS!

Happy Canada Day, everyone! And if you aren't Canadian, I'm so so sorry. We are an amazing, outgoing, friendly, polite, kind, innovative, smart, funny, creative, fun-loving, inviting, loving people. Plus health care.

For my American friends, here is a list of things you may not have known about your neighbours to the north:

Michael Cera, Will Arnett, Ellen Page, Hayden Christenson, Tommy Chong, Nina Dobrev, James Cameron,  Eric McCormack, Seth Rogen, Deadmau5, Will Sasso, Nathan Fillion, Margot Kidder, Alex Trebek...


Ever heard these songs?

American Woman by the Guess Who, The Weight by the Band, Big Yellow Taxi, by Joni Mitchell, Let Your Backbone Slide by Maestro Fresh Wes, Oh What A Feeling, by Crowbar, The Safety Dance by Men Without Hats, Hey Hey My My by Neil Young, Diana by Paul Anka...


Ever seen these movies?

Dead Ringers, The Red Violin, Scanners, The Dead Zone, The Fly, Meatballs, The Hurricane, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Porkys, Ghostbusters...


Ever cheer for these guys?

Terry Fox, Wayne Gretzky, Gilles or Jacques Villeneuve, Bobby Orr, Steve Nash, Mike Weir...


Ever use this stuff?

Insulin, Pablum, telephone, lightbulb, standard time, wonderbra, walkie talkie, snowblower, paint roller, caulking gun, blackberry, zipper, robertson screwdriver, green garbage bag, electric oven...


Ever consume this stuff?

Poutine, Bloody Caesar, sugar pie, ketchup chips, Smarties (the chocolate),  Coffee Crisp, anything from Tim Hortons, butter tarts, nanaimo bars, macintosh apples, Kraft Dinner (we didn't invent it but we keep it in business), tourtiere, fiddleheads, milk from a bag...


But lucky for you another of our traits is generosity and we love to share. Your welcome.

Happy Canada Day!!