Wednesday, November 9, 2016

I've been gymming it pretty hard lately

I've mentioned earlier that I've changed dragonboat teams. This new one is doing baseline baseline testing and I'm terrified. Among other things I'm expected to hold a plank position for 3 minutes. That's minutes when my previous plank record was somewhere south of 13 seconds. I wish I was kidding.

Then they want to know the number of pullups I can do in 90 seconds. Good thing zero is a number. Or is it? I don't math. Oh and I have to bench press half my weight which humiliatingly is nearly 90 pounds. Hey, at least I can do one of those. One single, solitary, painful, grunt (and sometimes fart) inducing bench press. Sad, really.

So I've been hitting the gym 3 times a week for the last month or do. I'm as sore as anything and not feeling like I'm accomplishing much. I show up to work mincing for an hour on gym days and crash on the couch at the end of the day.

And just an aside, I was watching the Bachelorette and they had the men doing lumberjack activities. These boys are huge. All buff, muscley and high on protein powder. They definitely spend more time in a gym than your average suburban housewife. Anyway turns out they could barely chop up a regular sized log. Gym strength doesn't always translate to strength in real world tasks. I'm a kick-ass paddler so I pray to be judged on that rather than my one fart filled bench press.


Saturday, October 15, 2016

I. Am. Canadian.

I love to talk about myself. You know that and this whole blog proves it. I'm my own favourite subject. Not news.

What I hate is when I get asked where I'm from. On the surface it's an innocent question. But from the right (wrong) person, it becomes a loaded question full of assumptions. Yuck.

Picture it (and it happens like this all the time)... a cute little old lady strikes up a conversation with me. We are talking hair and food and shopping or something mundane. Then it comes:

Cute Little Old Lady: So where are you from?
Me: (knowing what she means but purposely being obtuse): Montreal.
CLOL: No, I mean where are your people from?

Look. Does it really matter? We've just had a nice conversation. Who cares if I'm Canadian, West Indian or Klingon? Why is this an important question? Will I be judged if answer "wrong"? What is the deal here?

I hate that question. I will always hate that question. Because it makes me feel like just being my sparkly wonderful self isn't enough for you. And it should be. I mean, really.


Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Out of my comfort zone I go

I had my last dragonboat practice on Sunday and I miss it already. It's also my last practice with the club I've always known. I've decided to move on to another club that's more competitive. I'm scared shitless. I've paddled with Ottawa River Canoe Club for 10 years this year and I'm so freaking comfortable there. I've got friends I've known ever since I've picked up a paddle and I so don't want to leave. But I also want to challenge myself on a team that travels to international competitions and has a tryout process.

Yikes... Tryouts! Plus nutrition and fitness plans and repercussions if you can't keep up. Double yikes! I know in life you have to take the plunge and do things that scare you but sometimes I think I've been rash about this. And I'm also giving up my coveted and earned "stroke" seat at ORCC (front left) to sit somewhere else with all new teammates. So out of my comfort zone I go but...

I'm dying inside. My stomach does nauseating slow flips whenever I think about it.

I've signed up to do yoga classes with my new team (The Ottawa Dragon Masters) just to meet them, shake off the nerves before I hit the water in the spring and I also want them to see my enthusiasm. I hope to show them I'm up to the task. At least I hope I can fake enthusiasm for right now because on the inside I'll be an insecure bundle of nerves. Gotta go. These bricks won't shit themselves.


Saturday, September 24, 2016

A gloriously plan-free day

I don't get many of these but I try to take advantage when I can. And by take advantage I mean make a list of all the things I plan to do, then not do any of them while simultaneously blogging and watching reality tv.

Here is the list I made last night that I am roundly ignoring:

  • Laundry (I'm out of undies)
  • Pedicure (I have polish left on four toes. In all)
  • Call the jewellery store about the ring I ordered... (Hey! I can do that now just sitting here. Hold on... not ready. Poop. But YAY, One item done off the list)
  • Bake (my neighbour gave me 2 zukes as long and wide as Arnie's arm so I thought I'd make brownies)
I was told once that to feel successful you need to add things to your list that you've already done so here goes:

  • Eat a bacon sandwich
  • write a blog post
  • ...
And we're done here.


Thursday, September 1, 2016

School starts in 6 days

Summer is nearly over. In fact, there's already a chill in the air (and in my heart) just thinking about it.

But I don't want to be negative. So here are 10 things I'm looking forward to in the coming months.

  1. My leopard print Snuggie
  2. New tv season
  3. knitting
  4. Christmas
  5. I'll be back on a schedule so the gym and my diet can get back to normal
  6. Um... Oooh! I can drink my lapsang souchong tea again
  7. Doctor Strange and Fantastic Beasts in November and Rogue One in December
  8. hot chocolate
  9. guilt-free couch surfing
  10. I seriously can't think of another one. I want my summer back!
Sorry, that last one was a negative slip. I'm really going to miss summer, though.


A lot.


Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Loving the Olympics

I've been watching Olympic coverage since 1976 when Nadia Comaneci got 10s on the uneven parallel bars. But more than the amazing feats of strengths, I love the stories of athletes with amazing hearts.

-Like the 2 runners that got caught up in each other's cleats and helped each other across the line second last and last. That was in a qualifying heat and the amazing judges let them both go on to the next round.

-Like the 41 year old gymnast from Uzbekistan. I'm going to spell that out if that didn't sink in. FORTY-ONE.

-Like the equestrian from the Netherlands whose horse was sick so she bowed out of the competition so he could recover.

So inspiring and they all get gold for heart. Now I'm watching men's decathlon and holy smokes, these athletes are amazing. They'd be world class at any one of these things but they do 10. They run 100m, 400m, 1500m, hurdles, long jump, high jump, discuss, shot put, pole vault and javelin. Isn't that fucking insane?

Family and I had a good laugh thinking about other crazy events. We couldn't stop laughing at the thought of having a "mystery decathlon". The athletes would show up at the Olympics not knowing what 10 events they'd be competing in. They just put everything in a hat and draw them. Picture their faces as their events get pulled.





Ping Pong!


Race Walking!



Rhythmic Gymnastics!

I'm giggling at the thought. The mind tends to wander as they cut away from decathlon to golf and back.

After all this there is still 4 days left. I wonder what other stories they have in store. Are there any stories you loved from the Olympics thus far? What's your favourite sport to watch? All? None? This is the only time I'm a sports fan so you won't be insulting me...


Thursday, July 28, 2016


Doesn't everyone swear in French Canadian when they get hurt?

So while skydiving bungee jumping okay fine towelling off Friday, I tweaked my back. And by tweaked, I mean fucked it up real bad. After crying naked on the bathroom floor a while, feeling sorry for myself (I was alone), I managed to drag my sorry, damp, ass to the medicine cabinet. I took a bunch of Advil, Robaxicet and rubbed some Lakota on it for good measure. Today is Thursday and it still feels delicate. The chiropractor took a whack at it, trying to manhandle it into place but it still feels like it may go again at any minute. You know it's bad when I had to skip not one but 2 dragonboat practices. Merde.

All that to say to you youngsters don't get old.

As it's throwback Thursday, I thought I'd share this old post about how I nearly committed justifiable homicide on Scott one time when he was sick. I think the secret of a long marriage is being able to curb those murderous impulses, don't you?


Monday, July 25, 2016

Pokemon Go

Yes, I play it. Yes, I'm an adult. Usually.

Yesterday I joined a bunch of fellow nerds on a Pokemon hunt. As we wandered the streets on that beautiful day with our heads looking down at our phones, we notice a pokestop. We wander over and notice that it was a skate park. It was pretty popular. too.

So there I was, with 10 other "adults", playing a child's game on my phone, while 15 kids zoomed around on bikes and skateboards, phones safely in their... wherever kids keep phones. So that happened.

You'd think that would shame me into not playing anymore but it didn't. now where are they hiding those Pikachu?


This is us.

And here are a few of the kids. Sigh...

Friday, July 22, 2016

Don't you love amazing customer service?

So this amazing story of customer service happened and instead of explaining it all, I'll just repost the letter I wrote to their customer service helpdesk. I'm sure people only contact these places to complain so I was happy to write this glowing letter.

General service issues

Karen K <>
21 Jul (1 day ago)

to customerservice

Where do I start?

I was confused about the lip ink colour I wanted so I went to your Facebook page, telling them what I wanted and asking for suggestions. I got a reply within a day and ordered it right away. Wow #1.

I placed an order with you for a red lip stain (fire red) and a black eyebrow liner. On your website it said to expect the package in 6 to 8 weeks. My items arrived today. In 10 days. Wow #2.

Within a day of placing the above order, I got a call (on the telephone!) from a service rep asking if I'd used your products before, and whether I knew what to expect (re: tingling and the multi-step process). We had a laugh and a nice chat and she really knew her stuff and was a pleasure to talk to. Wow #3.

When I eagerly ripped open my packet this afternoon, I saw the lip colour I ordered, the brow liner I purchased and several extras. A beautiful (and I mean freaking gorgeous fuchsia colour that I wouldn't have ordered myself), a small packet of shine moisturiser, an off towellete, some magic powder, and a whole container of Off! I could barely believe my eyes. Wow #4

All this to say that I've never in my life had such good service either online or in person. Keep up the amazing work and I'll for sure tell all my friends about you (more than I already have). I write a blog and I'll definitely mention you there as well. You really are a special company and everyone needs to know this.

Karen K

Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

So I'm telling everyone right now, if you want terrific lip colour that doesn't come off (and I mean does NOT come off unless you take it off), Google "Lip Ink International". It is a seriously fantastic product. And if you have errr.... delicate eyebrows like yours truly, you should try the stuff I just got "brow liner". I went dragonboating in it and I still look like Cara Delevingne. Again, you have to use the remover they suggest, or your're sleeping with your eyebrows (sounds like a terrible movie). I feel happy and spoiled by these people.


I'm wearing the fuchsia lipstain and the fake eyebrows. Nice, right?

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

My Bluesfest Breakdown

Not literally but there were moments it felt that way.

I saw too many bands in too short a time frame. And speaking of too short... have you seen the denim panties that pass for shorts nowadays? Yikes. It's one thing to have your pockets hanging out in the front but to have your colon practically hanging out in the back is nothing I want to see after having an order of deep fried cheese stuffed Doritos in my belly.

Over the course of 10 days I saw (reviews in brackets):

Holy Fuck (for 5 minutes... ugh)
Brad Paisley (my 1st country show)
Earl Sweatshirt (a profanity laden rapper/ranter)
Lindsey Stirling (neato violinist)
Sam Hunt (Yeah, baby)
Schoolboy Q (no)
Bryan Ferry (classy)
The Lumineers (amazing)
City and Colour (low key)
Amos the Transparent (also low key)
Duran Duran (best of the week. So much energy!)
The Zolas (80s style new music)
The Cult (they rocked but made an unfortunate statement)
leMeow (interesting but meh)
PUP (my favourite of the bands I've never heard of)
The Paper Kites (nice)
The Decemberists (I've heard of them but never saw them live. I liked them!)
AWOLNATION (good band live)
Nelly (Another one that's amazing live)
Alessia Cara (sweet Canadian act)
Billy Idol (I wanted more more more... which is something for a 61 year old geezer)
The Monkees (talk about old geezers... but they were a fun wayback group)
Future (OMG, so good!)
Joe Jackson (another low key act but he was on point)

Just looking at that list makes my stomach turn. And speaking of turning stomachs, this is what I ate over the 10 days (reviews in brackets):

Pad Thai (the only good thing I ate there, and I ended up asking for extra nuts so there's that)
Deep fried Mars bar (sweet on sweet... too chocolatey for me)
Deep fried cheese curds (what's not to like?)
Deep fried cheese stuffed Doritos (Holy crap. That is all. And the sauce? I wanted to bathe in it)
Jamaican patty (the spicier the better and so yummy)
Poutine (x2) (You expected me to stay away from my favourite dish? Twice??)
Pepperoni pizza (hello heartburn. I swear I thought I was having a heart attack. Worth it!)

So general thoughts on Bluesfest. I'll never buy another festival pass. I was seeing bands I didn't care about/know, just so I could justify the nearly $250 per ticket. I hated public transit and being squashed into a metallic tube with dozens of barely dressed teens was not conducive to sanity. I actually lost it and threw a gum filled lollipop while screaming "don't be such an asshole!". I wish I was kidding. Next time I'll just buy a one day pass and leave it at that.

TL;DR: I'm glad I went but I'm equally glad it's over.


Monday, July 11, 2016

A Day in a Life

Once again, I set a phone alarm to go off every hour but clearly the urge to get uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep won out a few times. This was Friday June 24th and you are going to see what a firecracker of a life I lead. Strap in...

Here I am at 11pm, playing a Candy Crush knockoff I can't even remember the name of.

At midnight decided I just *had* to pack for a dragonboat festival. It isn't for another 24 hours but I love make-work projects

1am festivities

Clearly not 2am judging from the sun streaming in. Obviously I missed a few alarms. I'm guessing around 6?


8am... so boring

Finally stirring at 9. I love summer!

Is it 10am? Must be time for a pedicure. One blue foot and one orange foot is my lucky look for dragonboat festivals

11am: Having breakfast and looking out the window with Wesley

Noon grocery shopping jaunt

1pm at the pharmacy

2pm: Still wandering

3pm on the way home with a loaded car

4pm: Groceries away and relaxing with the man of the house

5pm: Decided to bring Rosie out to play

6pm emergency! Audrey came to me practically in tears saying her epipen wouldn't fit in the purse we got her for grad Sunday. We zoomed to the Mall and got this in the first place we looked

7pm: Just making sure I have everything for tomorrow's festival

At 7:30 I asked Audrey to come unload the dishwasher. At 8pm I asked again. Louder.

9pm: I like having my grocery bags in the car so that I don't forget them when I get to the store. They make you pay $.05 for them now and I'm a cheapskate

10pm: Time to make dinner for tomorrow. I won't be home (or in any condition) to cook after paddling all day. Chili is on the menu

11pm: Emergency! Audrey needs advice on eye makeup techniques for prom. Don't worry! Mum to the rescue! I'm thinking darker in the contours...

12am: Multitasking 

1am: Scott and I watch Coronation Street on PVR. Oh Michelle... Why did you have to make out with Will? Steve is *pissed*! 

2am: Definitely loving summer hours. The cat hangs out with me until I fall asleep.

 Wow. Looking back on that, it was a pretty boring day. But you know what? I'd rather have a boring life sometimes than a roller coaster of an existence that you never get a break from. On second consideration, I loved my day and all the "boring" days like it.


Wednesday, June 22, 2016

My So-Called Life

I have been so busy lately that this is the first time since I posted last that I've even opened this blog to post something. It's great but crazy too. The best way to catch you all up is through photos. Yup, it's going to be another PHOTO DUMP!

Audrey had her last concert of high school. Her head is in "grad land" right now and isn't focusing on much right now. She's probably done playing the flute forever but she has signed up for adult rugby because she enjoys it so much. I'm pretty proud...

My dragonboat team headed to Montreal and scooped up a bronze medal in a 500 metre race

We hatched eggs in our classroom for the 2nd year in a row.


My friend Heather and I ran a mud race

I sat on the bridge of the Enterprise

I got a brand new Galaxy S7. I spent ages customising it (still not done) and  I chose this closeup  of my favourite ukulele for the wallpaper of my text messages

Audrey had her dress altered and thank God it fits

The camera in my new phone takes kick-ass photos

Elliott and I went to see Tommy

We took our class on a forest walk. We tried to Hansel and Gretel them but it didn't stick 

I got to feed a chipmunk

Enjoying our end of the year gifts

We had First Aid training when school was out

At the marina with the family for Father's Day and Audrey's 18th birthday

For her first legal drink, she chose sangria. Didn't like it as much  as the daiquiri she had next!

Dogs and cats lying together... I wouldn't have posted this but up until that day, they have *not* been friends.

Now that school is over, I'm hoping to write more here. We aren't planning a trip and our only big plans are Bluesfest and dragonboat festivals. Perfect. Stay tuned for lots of family craziness mixed with a lot of hardcore relaxation. The next couple of months will be amazing.