Monday, April 30, 2007

How cool is this?

So on Friday I found out that one of my MySpace buddies is the sister of an old friend. We've known each other on here for ages but didn't make the connection until just now. Love this place. I can't wait to meet her (we never met in Montreal but we both now live here in town) and besides feeling rather obsessed by this, I feel a haiku coming on...

Jo and Rob: Siblings
Rob and I have history
MySpace makes more friends

Okay so that was pretty lame but I'm on my way out the door.

Happy Monday!

Friday, April 27, 2007

Go Sens GO!!!

We beat the Devils 5-4. They came screaming out of the gates and scored 4 goals in the first period. They settled down a bit after that but still won. Awesome work, guys! Looks like Scott will have his playoff beard a few more days. And to coin a phrase, it's growing on me.
This is Wade Redden my favourite Senator. I hope you'll understand as I say huminahuminahumina.

Have a great weekend!


Thursday, April 26, 2007

I've had a request

And knowing me as you do, you know I couldn't resist. My friend Kirsten knows someone who's going to Montreal and would like some advice about where to go. Are you kidding? Of course I'll spout on about Montreal. It's the city where I was born and raised. Unfortunately, I left there at 23 so my view is one of a beer sozzled youngster who actually left there for Ottawa on weekends deeming Montreal "too boring". Um, yeah.

Moving on. I'm going to leave out the bars I'd loved like the Stanley Tavern, Peel Pub and the Metro Brass. They were scary places serving watered down beer and if they are still open, they aren't fit for adults who are in control of all their faculties.

I'm also going to leave out places I've heard of but never been to. When I lived there I'd heard of a lot of places but stayed in my comfort zone of a few of the most fun where my friends also went. So Let's begin... and remember, this information is almost 20 years old:

Shopping (natch): If you take the Metro to Bonaventure, go up to the street. You'll hear angels singing. Just walk in any direction and the shops and stores are to die for. Most notable are Les Cours Mont Royal on Peel (flipping gorgeous building housing high end designer clobber) and Les Faubourg that has a market atmosphere where you can get all kinds of interesting foods. Mmmm homemade bagels... Also neat: Promenade de la Cathedrale... a whole mall built under a church. When they were building it the chuch had to be set up on stilts... quite an engineering marvel.

The Insectarium/Botanical gardens. I've only been there after I had kids and it was so worth the trip back home. I'm freaky scared of bugs but this place was one of the coolest places I've ever seen. It's really worth the money. It's at PieIX Metro I believe. I should mention that the best way to see Montreal is by Metro. Finding parking and Quebec drivers are both notoriously bad. As is the confusing network of one way streets and baffling french directions. If you don't know the city or don't read french, take public transit. It's cheap and cheerful and super easy. Also at PieIX (pronounced pee-nuf), the bane of every Montrealer's existence, La Stade Olympique. Our billion dollar baby. The Olympics were held in 1976 and I think we just paid it off a couple of weeks ago. I'm still humiliated by that one. Take the elevator up to the top. We could use the cash.

Let's see... I wasn't one for restaurants so I can't help you there unless you want Sbarros or Dunn's where drunk kids (used to) hang out. Ummm... you could go to the Casino on Ile Notre Dame. I've never been but my dad loves it. I'm of the seen-one-seen-them-all school of thought when it comes to casinos. Oooh! Also on Ile Notre Dame (Jean Drapeau Metro) is La Ronde, an awesome Six Flags amusement park. Lots of fun there. And Le Festin Du Gouverneur is a blast. It's a period restaurant that teaches you the history of Quebec and Montreal while you eat. It's like a live play going on all around you. The servers are dressed up like wenches, it's in a gorgeous old fort... the food is like you would have gotten back then so it's pretty basic (including no forks just knives and spoons) but you'll laugh, sing and learn a little something too.

Where else? I had my graduation ceremony at L'Oratoire St Joseph. It's a huge church at the top of the mountain. Watch out for the faithful doing penance by going up the stairs on their knees. Of course there's Old Montreal. It's so much like Europe you'd be shocked. There's an IMAX theatre near the old port. Umm... Beaver Lake is gorgeous for a nice escape from the busy city. It's in the middle of a park at the top of Mount Royal (worth the climb btw). I think it was designed by the same guy who did Central Park. There's a nice view from the Lookout and you can get to know your partner better. Hey, everyone's doing it.

There's so much to do and it's so great there. You don't even need a coat if it's crappy out. The Metro and its system of walkways go to all the best places.

Oh, and French shouldn't be a problem. Everyone understands English in Montreal. They just may not speak it to you. People are (or were 20 years ago) always willing to help and are really friendly. You are going to have So. Much. Fun. Enjoy!


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I got "inked" last night

I've been thinking about this for a long time. I already have a few small ones scattered around the left side of my body. A "K" on my breast (for Karen, d'uh), a maple leaf on the outside of my ankle (I'm a first generation Canadian), a Chinese symbol saying "shake" (I know... weird but shake actually stands for Scott Henry Audrey Karen Elliott) on the inside of that ankle and now this one.

A few months ago I found a card that my mother gave Scott and me for our wedding. She had written inside (among other lovely things), "Love, Mom and Dad". I had the "Mom" lifted from the card and tattooed near the inside of my elbow. Same size as written in the card and same writing. I kinda feel like she wrote it on me. I love it but at the same time it makes me sad. I wish she could have written it herself. OMG, how maudlin was that? Sheesh, you'd think after 12 years I'd be over this by now. Obviously not.

Anyway, many thanks to the staff at Living Colour Tattoo on Dalhousie. They've been meeting my self-flagellating needs for the last 9 years. Thanks to Adrian who hurt me and made me laugh at the same time. Thanks to Julie for the moral support, the drive down and the beer after. Now, I just have to break it to Scott. Poor guy. He never knows I've done these until it's too late. How does he ever put up with my nonsense?


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

"I need to get my drink on"

I saw this video last week and I thought I'd share it with my MySpace buddies. Will Ferrell is awesome and there's something about that whiteboy 'fro that makes him even cooler.


Monday, April 23, 2007

Men so totally have "that time of the month"

The weather here was beautiful and spirits were high. It was 23C and full-on sunny which was amazing after the 18cms of snow we got on Monday. Saturday was busy... a birthday party next door for Elliott, a successful car juggling for Scott and me as we did groceries and ballet and a shopping trip for the abovementioned bday do. It was perfect. I was looking forward to a staff meeting/party that night and drove off that evening feeling jubilant.

It was about midnight and Scott was still up watching SNL. He was grumpy and sullen and when I tried telling him about how fun the evening was he grunted one syllable answers. What the hell? What happened when I was out? I asked if the kids misbehaved, he said no. I asked if he was mad at me for something he said no. After poking and prodding for about 10 minutes he snapped something about missing me all week long and said I had "issues". Exqueeze me? Baking powder? Then he pouted that he didn't want to talk about it and went to bed. WTF?

The next day he was fine again. I worked at the Y, he and the kids did a political photo op with the environment minister for Earth Day, Scott took his motorcycle up to the Gatineau Hills, I made chicken wings for dinner, we ate outside and told awful "knock knock" jokes and laughed our asses off over dinner. The jokes mostly involved the word "poo". In other words, another normal day. His hormone spike of the previous night was neither mentioned nor referenced. So very strange.

So don't tell me men don't experience the same kind of hormonal rollercoaster we do. After living with this man for 17 years, I know different.


Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thank God I love dragonboat

Because this is becoming a royal pain.

This year will be the third in a row I'll be dragonboating. This year I consented to be my team's (The Bold, Bald and Beautiful) organiser. Little did I know how much stress this would cause. People haven't signed waivers, our team hasn't paid the entry fee and we're still missing a bunch of paddlers. I can't stop worrying about dragonboat-related niggly things and on top of a working mother of 3's niggly things, I'm as wound up as a guitar string. Next year please remind me to just shut up and paddle.


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Okay, can I talk about Virginia Tech?

Let me say that I'm very sorry for everyone touched by this tragedy. It shouldn't have happened and it sucks. But I wonder why no one is talking about gun control. I know that this sort of thing happens everywhere whether there is gun control or not. Recent shootings in Europe and even here in Canada speak to that but the idea that anyone with 3 free days and a drivers licence can kill me is terrifying. Everytime I hear of one kid showing another his daddy's gun and it fatally went off or one driver shooting another after being cut off in traffic, I'm shocked and amazed. How can this stuff happen?

I'm no scholar but shouldn't people be more pissed off with a system that let this lunatic get a hold of a lethal weapon than the lunatic himself? He needed help, not a Glock. Yes, I know guns don't kill people, people kill people but wasn't the constitution written in wild west times? When people absolutely needed a gun to defend themselves, their families and their land? What are you meant to defend in this day and age? Your Starbucks coffee order? I just don't get it.
I'm so very sorry this had to happen but maybe it'll be a catalyst for change. Awful events usually are. If I was personally touched by this unimaginable event I wouldn't want my loved ones to have died in vain.


Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Meet my new boyfriends

Move over Kratt brothers. I now heart Luke and Joe.

Barats and Bereta are so funny and make me so happy, I have no words. Just watch the videos. There are 17. They aren't long but they sure will make you laugh out loud. I think I've seen each one about 8 times. I think "Suburbanites" is my fave. Or the Ninja fight in "Two Scoops". Or their theme song. So much deliciousness, I can't choose. "Completely Uncalled For"? "The Good Word"? "Auto Insurance"? Maybe "Mother's Day"? That was the first one I ever saw so it's close to my heart. Watch them all and tell me which you like. Have fun! But stay away from my boyfriends.


Monday, April 16, 2007

Us? Do the culture thing? Why not?

Yesterday the Kaye's went to the National Gallery of Canada downtown. Or as Henry with great awe calls it: "De Seeedy". It shouldn't be such a big deal since downtown is only 10 minutes away. We just never get there. Anyway, there was a really cool exhibition there by Australian artist Ron Mueck.

Now this is the kind of art I like and love exposing the kids too. Not to disparage modern art (okay, I am) but I prefer my art to look like something. I understand that art like "Voice Of Fire" is meant to evoke an emotion in people but for me that emotion is boredom. I quite simply don't get why if I go down to Home Depot, buy a snow removal tool and hang it up in my car hole it's just a shovel in a garage but when it's hanging in the art gallery it's art. I swear, this was really an "installation" at the Gallery. Oh brother.

So this Mueck has some amazing pieces. He does people with incredible reality and plays with their sizes. Some huge and some tiny. I've never seen anything so cool in my entire life. I loved the expressions on the faces, the translucency of the skin and my fave in any sculpture, hands and feet. Incredible.

Now the "problem" was that most of the sculptures were nude. Lots of penises and bums. It made for lots of immature giggling on the parts of Audrey and Henry (grow up kids, after all you are 7 and 8 for goodness sake. Sheesh!) and a visible shudder from Elliott as he walked around to the business end of a sculpture of a mother who's just given birth and the umbilical cord still attached to both.

My favourite part was asking the kids about the facial expressions. There are some really good ones especially in "Wild Man" and "Big Man". For "Big Man" I asked Audrey what she thought he was thinking and she replied "He wants everyone to stop looking at him".

So, so cool. If these sculptures ever stop by your "Seeeedy" you need to have a look. But careful. Some of the sculptures look back.


Friday, April 13, 2007


Yes, it is. It's morning. Yup. Uh huh.

Well, you got me. I'm in the hell that is writers block. I've even played that Rocky punching game that's really a disguised ad. Looks like it's another stream-of-consciousness blog. Sorry guys!

*I'm listening to Live88.5 radio station. They're playing "Famous Last Words" by My Chemical Romance. They're way overrated.

*Henry just came up and told me to make sure I signed his report card and sent it back to school. Good remembering, H.

*I'm wearing one of many favourite lipsticks: Revlon Colorstay #340. It's called Divine Port Wine. If you're in the market for a long lasting lipstick, that's the one for you.

*Okay, I just stepped away from the computer as I just remembered I hadn't made my lunch and I'm leaving in about 2 minutes.

I've really gotta go... Have a great Friday and an awesome weekend!


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sssshhh! I've got no secrets

On Tuesday I took the bus to work. I forgot my book so I was forced to look at the people around me and read the bus adverts. I saw one for a call-in distress line that said something like: "Think of a secret you've never told anyone. Now look at the person beside you (thankfully I was sitting alone) and picture yourself telling them that secret." Not sure exactly what they were getting at but it did make me think. What secrets do I have?

It took me the whole bus ride to think of one. Then I realised I told that one to the girls at work. I thought of another. Then I realised that Scott already knows that one. You can see where this is going, right? Between my husband, my co-workers at a job where we hardly do anything but talk, my 3 bulletin board communities and this blog, my life is an open book. There is nothing about me that someone doesn't already know.

I have to admit a penchant for telling virtual strangers waaay more than they need (or want) to know. A recent example: someone I barely knew asked me how I was and I replied "hungry".

Instead of giving the usual and expected answer of "fine", I actually told the truth. What's up with that? If someone on the bus asks me something like "does the #96 go downtown?" I can turn it into a bus ride long chitchat complete with family photos and tattoo flashing. Oh, and I wouldn't have even gotten the other persons name. Or I would have and promptly forgot it. What's a narcissist to do?


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

We're rich!

Okay not really but to the casual outside observer, it may look as if we've come into some cash. Yup, the Kaye's have joined the "horsey set".

Unfortunately we haven't won the lotto, but just found out that the stables we've been biking by every summer is run by the city and offers classes for kids at city rates. Score! Audrey is beside herself right now and can't wait until 2 May when the class starts. Henry wanted to do it too but we had to say no because even at city rates it's still pretty expensive and we can't afford to put two kids in it. So see, not rich.

While I was registering Audrey, I also put all 3 kids in swimming lessons. Hopefully we'll get Steve, that hottie Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike instructor again. I haven't behaved like a desperate cougar in months. I'm getting rusty.


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Sens start their playoff run tomorrow

And as Ottawa's biggest bandwagon jumper, the season, for me, starts now. The Stanley Cup is hockey's Holy Grail and to be honest, all the crap teams have now been weeded out and the fun begins. Woohoo!

A lot of players start a playoff beard that they don't shave off until their team is eliminated. And in my zeal, I convinced Scott not to shave until the Sens get booted. I may have used my immense power over that man way too enthusiastically. As soon as I mentioned it I knew we'd be in trouble. The Sens can quite possible make it 'til the end. And when is the end, you ask? June. So I have to live with a grizzly mountain man until then. I've never more wanted my team to crap out more.

The last time Scott had a beard was the 90's. I'd periodically let him grow one because in my youthful naivete, I felt like I was with a different guy for a while. Then he caught a cold. The day he blew his nose and a booger got caught in his moustache was the end of facial hair forever. I refused to kiss him until he got rid of it. You just can't unsee what's been seen. Uck.

Now I've got to deal with this again. What am I in for? Allergy season is coming up. I should really think before I speak. Looks like I'll just have to take one for the team. Pass the kleenex and Purell.


Monday, April 9, 2007

Wow, 21 readers today and nothing new 'til now!

You like me, you really like me! And I like you too, my lovelies.

I had to work today while everyone else stayed home. It's Easter Monday and all government offices and schools are closed. It's so hard to leave while everyone is still in their pjs. And even harder to come home and they're still that way. Fine.

The girls at work were impressed that I had to set the clock to get to work on time. At 8:30. What can I say? My kids are fantastic. They get up and tiptoe around the house until we get out of bed. Of course it being Easter weekend and having a basket of chocolate each to chow on, this is how I woke up. With Henry hovering beside the bed as soon as he heard the clock:

Henry: Are you awake yet?
Me (from under the covers): Kinda. What's up?
Henry: Can I eat chocolate?
Me: Have you had breakfast?
Henry: No.
Me: Then no.
Henry: Okay.

Have I mentioned lately how obedient my kids are? He and his sibs could have polished off every last rabbit ear in the house and I wouldn't have known. But nope, they ask and even accept no for an answer. Amazing.

I don't want to brag too much but they were awesome at my sister-in-law's yesterday too. There's nothing more complimentary than having well-behaved kids in public. It sure makes you feel like a successful mum.


Friday, April 6, 2007

I'll never be cool again

Henry came up to me the other day crying. When I asked why, he sobbed, "Audrey called me "cool!"" Huh? Since when is that bad?

So I call Audrey and ask her about it. She indeed admitted that she called her brother "cool". Wha'? "So why is he upset, then?", I demand confounded.

Elliott pipes up, "Because at school, "cool" means: constipated, over-rated, out-of-style, loser."

Aw, MAN. When did this start?

So I make Audrey apologise for calling her brother cool and promise never to do it again. Disaster averted. I guess. How am I supposed to keep track of all these new insults? This is so not cool.


Thursday, April 5, 2007

When I'm done with today's blog, you'll understand why I was cagey

It's about that mysterious medical issue I alluded to in yesterday's blog. So here's the deal: Scott and I engaged in errr.... marital relations Sunday night and no, that wasn't the problem. The problem was the condom. We are using them until he gets his swimmers retested after his big snip. Anyway, afterwards we couldn't find it anywhere. That night it was fine because, really, who wants to look anyway? Monday night we had a thorough search, removing the bedsheets and pillowcases and even sweeping the floor. Nothing. The only thing we could figure was that if it wasn't in the room, it must still be in the womb. Hee.

Tuesday I spent searching myself myself (hee... see, with perspective I can finally laugh at this) and even risked it happening again by asking Scott to search. Nothing. And still nothing in the room. Finally Scott, fed up with worrying about it, demanded I go to the clinic. After Googling (you would not want to see the accompanying photos) he was worried about me getting an infection. I'm still not ready to laugh at the embarrassment of explaining to both the receptionist and doctor about this one. The doctor did assure me he's seen worse things stuck up there but I was too humiliated to ask him to explain. Now, I kinda wish I did.

Well, the doc didn't find anything. Scott thinks it could be in my uterus but he often suffers from delusions of grandeur. So the mystery still stands about where the rubber is but I'm not carrying it around, that's for sure.

And that's why I've been weird and distracted this week. And let's never speak of this again.


Wednesday, April 4, 2007


I'm experiencing a personal minor medical mystery right now. I'm relatively obsessed with it and can't really concentrate on anything else. So I'm not going to blog today and won't tell you about it until it's resolved. It's not an emergency or even life threatening. Just enormously, entirely and totally embarrassing. Humiliating, even.



Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Check it out

Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Alanis does Fergie. I am LOVING this.


Monday, April 2, 2007

You know those ideas where you think

"I wish I'd thought of that first"? Like a "smitten mitten" for two or Tupperware?

Well here's one for me. This is truly cool. For someone like me who blogs every day, the thought of something so simple yet really powerful is totally intriguing. Imagine seeing how you've grown and changed over eight years in the span of a few seconds. My favourites are the changes of glasses, pimples appearing and disappearing and of course the sprouting of the Captain Jack Sparrow facial hair. Awesome. I wish I'd thought of it first.