Friday, December 31, 2010

Flashback Friday!

Happy New Year, Peeps!

A lot of things have happened this year, good and bad. I'll have to say that the very worst thing was Elliott lying to me and nearly getting kicked out of cadet camp. Realizing that your baby boy, the one that was so sweet and innocent what felt like weeks ago, can look you in the eye and lie was a real eye opener. I cried over that one for days.

The absolute best thing was the opportunity to go to Europe with my whole family. Being on a plane and travelling so far from home... seeing how we all, as adults and near-adults, deal with different situations in foreign countries was more special than I can say.

I'm not sure how 2011 will measure up to all that but I can't wait to find out.

So have a blessed and relatively uneventful new year, everyone. You know I love you all. Oh, and if one of your resolutions is to read your favourite blogger more often, tell your friends about her, and post insightful and funny replies to her, I'm sure she'd be much obliged...

See you next year my lovlies!


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Not again...

Why am I finding it so hard to write a blog this week? Sheesh! I completely forgot again until I was reminded via text message. Thanks Lisa!

So. A blog for today. Tonight to be more exact. With 3 glasses of wine in me. Hm. How about a diatribe about the effing tv we just got?

It's gorgeous. A 40" flat screen Sony Bravia thing plus we got a digital box for the first time. The irritating thing is that there are 2 new remotes with a rainbow of buttons that none of us know how to use. Scott is working feverishly punching stuff (resisting jokes... resisting jokes...) but it only makes for tension when I start getting  into a show and he starts "experimenting" with the buttons. A couple of sharp words exchanged and it's a Merry Christmas all around.

Half the time all I want to do is watch something I used to watch at this time but now it involves changing aspect ratios, video inputs and now it's not even on the same channel number as it used to be. Yes, the picture is kick ass, but at this exact point in time, I'm not sure if it's worth it. In fact, I'm on my way to the kitchen to watch something... anything, just to have it on the same program for more than 10 minutes. Yippee.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Still at my dad's

We celebrated Henry's 11th birthday yesterday with chocolate cake (creme cheese frosting) and tons of people. It was fun but I'm looking forward to getting home...

So I got booted from the computer right after I wrote that because my dad wanted to sell his huge projection screen tv on and needed help setting up the ad. Unfortunately he thinks he can only get $150 for it after buying it for nearly $1000. Anyway, I'm home now and staring at the Christmas tree, wishing it would shake its own decorations off right into the boxes and march itself to the curb. You know, the normal stuff.

Gleefully I have nothing to do for the next 2 days. Two days, you guys. I don't know what to do first. Shall I have a long bath? Give myself a mani/pedi? Watch tv all day like a lump? Eff that. I know exactly what's going to happen. I'm going to take down the stupid tree, clean the house from top to bottom, and do close to 30 loads of laundry. But at least it'll be on my terms and in my own time. It may even be awesome.


Monday, December 27, 2010

Sorry, no blog today

I'm serious. I'm at my dad's in Montreal full of rum punch and my ears are ringing with soca music. I seriously simply forgot. Please stay tuned for the next installment tommorow. Love you lots,


Friday, December 24, 2010

Well, the holiday is finally here.

I have to say that since work is now off the table, I'm feeling a lot less stressed. Yes, I still have a lot to do but now there seems to be time to do it. I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

I want to sincerely wish you the best Christmas tomorrow. Lots of family time and love and eggnog and happy. Keep in mind those who can't be with the ones they love tomorrow for whatever reason and enjoy everything about the next few days. See you Monday, and Merry Christmas!

This was the way Christmas went in 2007...


Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sorry for the lame blogs this week, guys.

I'm feeling terribly overwhelmed and if the car wasn't in the shop (another joy to deal with), I would drive and drive and drive until I got to a place where I could lounge quietly with my iTouch, some red wine and an Archie Comic book.

So today I'm frosting the lemon/coconut cake, I'm baking cookies for Santa, I'm frantically defrosting tomorrow's dinner turkey that completely slipped my mind (it's now underwater in the kitchen sink) and I still have to wrap about a thousand presents. Plus I have to find half an hour somewhere in all this to get ready for a party tonight. I'm looking forward to it but I don't know how I'm going to have fun while there's so much left to do. I can see one of two scenarios:

  1. I'll be edgy and distracted and just stay for an hour or two
  2. I'll get completely, leglessly pissed and be unable to do anything tonight and most of tomorrow, successfully putting the cherry on the sundae of an unbearable holiday
Thursday can't come fast enough. That's the next day on the calendar when I have absolutely nothing to do. Nothing. At all. I don't have to bake anything, go anywhere, see anyone... I'm thinking of staying in bed the whole day with my iTouch, some red wine and an Archie Comic book. 


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

With all this technology, why haven't we invented a 29 hour day?

Can I pretty please just have 8 undisturbed hours in the house to get shit done before Christmas? Please? With sugar on it? This is my fondest, sincerest Christmas wish. I'd ask Santa for it but it would come too late. Maybe I can ask the Sandman to give me a whole night without needing to sleep so I can spend it in the throes of unbridled wrapping, baking and cleaning. Killmenow...


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

So here's what I have left to do

  • I've got to take Henry out to shop for his sibs and dad
  • Henry also needs a haircut... he looks like Disco Stu
  • I have appointments tomorrow and Friday for various procedures (a massage and laser... nothing serious)
  • I have to bake a coconut lemon cake by Thursday
  • I have to provide a dessert of my choice to the family dinner on Christmas
  • I need to bake a birthday cake for Henry's 11th on Monday
  • We need to pack and leave for Montreal for the weekend...
And how do I have time to blog? I don't have a clue. Later...


Monday, December 20, 2010

Off-book week...

This week before Christmas is completely off in terms of scheduling. And you know how much I love a schedule. The kids have no school, the boys are at hockey camp, Audrey is still in her pyjamas, and we have 2 new girls playing here until Thursday. That added to the fact that they are all drawing pictures and the markers are squeaking on the paper is making me want to tweeze out my eyelashes. Plus I'm not finished Christmas shopping and I have a coconut lemon cake due at the end of the week. Good times.

I have to get going. The markers are steadily getting louder (they must be colouring something in) and I have somewhere else to be, namely anywhere but here. It's going to be a long week, Peeps.


Friday, December 17, 2010

Flashback Friday!

Today's trip in the wayback machine brings us to February 2009. I used the blog that day to illustrate the comfort and joy that is a long, satisfying relationship.

Have a great weekend!


Thursday, December 16, 2010

On death and dying

Or how I survived a day without internet.

It just came back on. For those of you who read this on Facebook and don't realize I post these at around 11am every morning, it's now 5pm. That means I haven't been online from the moment I first tried to log in my run at 7:15am until just now. Horrifying. I even went through the 5 stages of grief:

  1. Denial: When I just kept repeating "it's just a modem issue... it's just a modem issue..." while futilely flicking the power bar button on and off.
  2. Anger: When I called Bell 3 times yelling "INTERNET!" at the top of my lungs at the prompt, simultaneously fuming and feeding the baby while listening to hold music on speaker-phone. Seriously, do you know the way to San Jose?
  3. Bargaining: When I tried to convince myself that walking around the cold neighbourhood looking for an open connection in -15C weather with the baby in a stroller would be the best idea ever.
  4. Depression: When I woke up from an hour long nap slobbering with the phone cradled in my arms wondering if my call was really important to Bell.
  5. Acceptance: When I didn't even wait to see if the light went green the final time I flicked that switch. As I walked away I heard Audrey exclaim "it's on!!!" (she had only just come home from school so she was only at "stage one").
I pushed my daughter roughly out of the way and here we are. So this is my blog today. Enjoy.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

You know it's going to be a long week when...

you spend all day Tuesday thinking it's Wednesday. I even posted a Wednesday blog. I didn't realize it until I was snuggled up in bed thinking about the day. I thought about running. "Yay", I thought, "tomorrow is a 3K day. Wait a sec. Didn't I run 3K this morning?... Oh shit, is it only Tuesday? Dammit!" Then I stayed awake thinking of all the things I could have screwed up by thinking it was the wrong day. Thankfully as a stay-at-home-mum all the days sort of run together so I didn't do much damage except for posting a blog that makes me look like I failed kindergarten. Good times.

So moving on, I just want to publicly wish my best friend Kathy in London a Happy Birthday today. Her life right now is amazing! She has a handsome husband and a scary smart daughter, she just bought a house, she has a gorgeous new(ish) baby and has me as a best friend. What else could you want? Bonne Fête Kathy! Gros besous et des grande caresses pour aujourd'hui et tous le temps. See you this summer!


Monday, December 13, 2010

Ugh. Christmas cards.

Before I had kids, I'd dutifully buy a package of 25 religious cards, painstakingly address every one, sometimes even calling people (before to find out their postal codes. Instead of just writing a simple "To Jennifer, Love Karen", I'd write an endearingly personal note like "Hey Jenny, hope you got over that scary stalker/sebaceous cyst/groin pull that was bothering you. Have a great Christmas and awesome New Year!!".

After I had kids, I'd dutifully buy a package of 25 Santa cards, address them to the people who sent me cards the year before, scrawl a quick "To Jenny, Love Karen" but also include a little photocopied note in each one regaling them with stories of our lives the year before. You know he kind: "Hi from the Knoxes! At 4, Elliott is finally out of diapers, Audrey has almost mastered bathing without us having to call the Coast Guard and Henry's greatest feat is screaming bloody murder in his sleep. Scott and Karen are desperately trying to lay off the sauce to take care of their precious treasures."

The next stage was to dutifully buy a package of 10 Far Side cards, wait until the 20th of December until I saw who sent me cards first, quickly scrawl "Love the Knoxes" in each one and express post them so they get there in time for Christmas.

The past 2 years I just don't bother. In fact, when I go to the mailbox I live in fear of someone sending me a Christmas card. I just don't have the time or the inclination to return the favour. I'm so sorry. I do love my friends and I do wish them a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Sincerely. But do I really have to use a pen, spend $2 on a card, $.75 for a stamp and hike all the way to a mailbox in the cold to mail it? Really? In this day and age? There's got to be a more modern way to do this.

And just a side note, as of today, I have two cards. One from my brother and sister in-law and one from my mailman. Thank you for thinking of me. They're both on display but I can't help but feel guilty that I'm not intending to do anything about them.


Friday, December 10, 2010

Okay, let's clear this up.

Yes, I was on the Coronation Street special last night. And no, I don't want to talk about it. I turned off the phone and ignored most Facebook messages. I will say that I remember how embarrassed I felt after the camera crew left and I knew that I'd never live it down once it aired. So I never mentioned it was coming on and didn't even watch it last night. Moving on...

Today is Flashback Friday. Here is a post from April 2009:

Eavesdropping or just overhearing? I think there's nothing better than listening to someone else's conversations. Just last week I heard a woman talking on a cell phone at the top of her voice. Something about pinpointing exactly where she was in the mall to another person in the store. Frankly, if the person on the other end had just put down the phone, they would have heard her. Seriously. Priceless.

This is what I thought of it in 2009...

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Least favourite Christmas songs

One of our local radio stations is playing only Christmas songs from now until the big day. Listening to it while waiting at the Dollar Store checkout made me realize how many Christmas songs I hate. There is no way I could listen to that station all day. Here's why:

  • The Little Drummer Boy. Y-U-C-K. It's repetitiveness  makes me want to gouge my eyes out. The only way I can put up with it is when it's paired with that Peace on Earth David Bowie bit. And even then...
  • Christmas Shoes. Horrible, manipulative song about a dying woman's kid buying her a pair of shoes before she bites it. By the end I want to kill her myself.
  • Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. The person who wrote this is going to hell. The hell of having to hear this song on repeat for eternity.
  • All I Want For Christmas is My 2 Front Teeth. I'll bet a frustrated Christmas shopper knocked them out.
  • The Hula Hoop Song by the Chipmunks. Nothing says Christmas like rodents and exercise equipment.
  • Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney. Look, we all agree the man is a legend but once the awful synthesizer starts I get hives.
  • Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer by Corey Hart. Insert joke here about cramming sunglasses somewhere Christmassy. At night. 
  • Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen. Again with the legend and the hives.
So because of the eventuality of hearing one of these above songs on the aforementioned Christmas station, I'll be listening to the "Merry Christmas playlist" on my iPod. One hundred and twenty-eight of the best, most palatable holiday tuneage in history from 2000 Miles by the Pretenders to Fairytale of New York by the Pogues. Aaaah, that's better. The cure for the common Christmas. 


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Coronation Street is the bomb (quite literally)

Yesterday started the one week celebration of Coronation Street's 50th anniversary. In the UK they are showing a disastrous bar explosion and chain reaction tram crash that will devastate the street causing the deaths of 4 well established characters. Exciting stuff.

Here in Canada we'll be treated to a couple pretending to be married for the benefit of the woman's aunts, a man falling of the AA wagon and preparations for Valentine's Day. Because incredibly, in this day of the information superhighway and 3 day cure yeast infection cremes, we are 10 months behind. To borrow a phrase: Inconceivable.

So in order to watch the festivities and the glorious carnage, I've had to spend all of last night and most of this morning searching for the video. And thanks to YouTube, I finally found it. I watched it already and it's incredible. Fantastic. Words don't do it justice. Honestly, it was so good I felt like a cigarette afterwards. Well done. It was also a nice treat to watch it as close to the original broadcast time as I could manage. This way there are no spoilers. Well, not for another 10 months, anyway.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Stream-of-consciousness blog today

I'm not feeling blogging today. The laptop is pissing me off by not typing the g's straight away so I have to bash at the keyboard, I swore at Audrey (I'm seriously starting to think she's bipolar), my 3 friends and I can't seem to find one measly fricking hour to get together before Christmas, I had a dream about my fondest wish coming true then had to wake up, it looks bleak about my going to another girlfriend's wine and cheese party Saturday and my neighbour just came by to ask that I write a letter to his lawyer saying what a good dad he is for a custody case. Hm. Do I really want to get in the middle of this? UGH. Needless to say, this morning has left me a little cold and I don't wanna blog.

So here's what's going on around me at this very moment:

  • I'm watching Anna & Kristina's Grocery Bag. I love that show... so funny!
  • my right hand is cold and my left is warm
  • my feet are propped up on a laundry basket of clean towels that I should be folding right now
  • I'm drinking a Dole ready-made berry smoothie. It's pretty good but I'm not a raspberry fan. Too many tiny seeds. Great, now I'm pissed again. Snuggie, take me away.

Friday, December 3, 2010

What a way to start the day

It actually started last night when I realized that I forgot to get a December bus pass for Elliott. I came up with a brilliant plan. Since I run past a gas station about 2K away every morning, why don't I just jog there and pick one up so he'll have one even before he wakes up in the morning. And before you think it, yes, I remembered my debit card, yes, it was open and yes, they had some left. It all had to do with my witlessness.

So at 6:15 this morning I wheezed and shuffled my way in the lightly falling snow to the gas station. Even though today was my 8K day, when I got there I was already sweaty and flustered. I went straight to the bank machine and shoved in the debit card I had tucked in my zippered pocket. Nothing happened. To my shock and horror I realized that my endorphin-addled brain had jammed the card into the receipt return slot. Uh oh. I can see it right there... if I could just... damn.

I tell the clerk the idiotic thing I just did and he helpfully offers to open the machine. He does and we peer inside, not seeing anything but a bunch of wires. When he closes it again I don't even see the card anymore. SHIT. No bus pass AND no debit card? Thanks a lot, universe. I stand around uselessly for a few minutes wondering what to do now. Then I notice something. Thank goodness, the stupid card had fallen into the money tray down below when buddy opened the machine.

I sheepishly pick it out, buy that bus pass and high-tail it out of the store, finishing my run in the snow. You know it's going to be a stellar weekend when... Hey, at least the clerk has a good story to tell and I got a blog out of it.

Have a better weekend than I'm about to!


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Watching tv with Henry

The other night Henry and I were watching tv on the couch. A Victoria's Secret ad came on telling us when the stupid fashion show will be on. I thought to myself that I should probably say something wise and motherly about this show objectifying women or something but he spoke first.

Henry: I guess it's not such a secret anymore.
Thinking that my baby's innocence has exploded in a hail of blinged out bras and panties and is about to say something no 10 year old should utter about slutty lingerie and busty models wearing angel wings, I brace for impact.
Me: What's not a secret, sweetie?
Henry: Well, now everybody knows it's on at 10 o'clock.

WHEW. He's still my sweet, innocent boy. And he still believes in Santa, too. So take that, world.


Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I can finally start my lists. And oh, do I have a lot of lists. Lists of things to buy, lists of things I want, lists of stores that I have coupons for, lists of where I hide my lists... I'm in heaven. I thought I'd share with you a few lists of Christmas things I love. I thought I'd start with my favourite Christmas tv shows, movies and computer stuff. Ready?

Computer Stuff

  1. Ding Fries Are Done. What can I say? I'm easily amused
  2. Elf yourself. I giggle every time.
  3. NORAD tracks Santa. Even though the kids don't believe, I still get a thrill watching it
  4. Scared of Santa. Google it and prepare to waste an afternoon pissing yourself with laughter.
  5. Virtual Snowglobe. Why is shaking it and hearing the screams so satisfying?
  1. A Charlie Brown Christmas. A classic.
  2. The Dr. Who Christmas Specials. It just isn't the holiday without the TARDIS and a sonic screwdriver.
  3. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. If you don't agree then your heart is 2 sizes too small.
  4. All those Rankin-Bass specials. Except for the Little Drummer Boy. Hate the song, hate the show.
  5. The Toronto Santa Claus parade. It's the way parades should be done.
  1. Scrooged. Bill Murray is so funny in this.
  2. A Christmas Carol. The one with Alastair Sim is my favourite. And the one with the Muppets, naturally.
  3. It's a Wonderful Life. "Don'cha know me Mary?"
  4. The Sound Of Music. Not Christmassy but they play it at this time so it's on the list.
  5. Miracle on 34th Street. The Natalie Wood version
  6. All the Santa Clause Movies. Tim Allen = hilarious
  7. About a Boy. Hugh Grant makes his money from royalties from a Christmas song (Santa's Super Sleigh). I love the Christmas dinner scene
  8. Love, Actually. So romantic!
  9. A Christmas Story. The dad's prize is Italian because it says "fra-gee-lay" on the box (fragile)
  10. The Nightmare Before Christmas. This movie is a true Christmas miracle.
  11. Elf. Seeing Will Ferrell in that costume is worth the price of admission.
  12. Fred Claus. I like Vince Vaughn so much and hearing him snark through this movie makes me happy.
So what are your Christmas favourites?