Audrey? A what? A woman? Not on my watch.

What a terrifying day that was. A while ago I was doing Audrey's laundry and came across some questionable undies. Suffice it to say they looked, ummm icky. I stared at them for what seemed to be a full minute, my mind completely blank. Then it started racing. "AUDREY!", I screamed, trying (and not succeeding, I'm sure) to keep the hysteria out of my voice.

"What's this?... Sweetie?" I ask when she finally arrives. See how I tried to deflect my panicked tone by adding the term of endearment?

"What? The chocolate? Sorry mummy. I know you told me not to wipe my hands on my clothes."

It was then that I noticed the streak was not red but brown, and on the outside of her underpants. Remind me to get her to wear trousers when lounging around the house.

Anyway, the panic attack I had prompted another mother/daughter talk. We discussed what to do when her period finally comes. That she should come to me and we'd discuss the options. We talked about her being a woman when the big day happens and we'd go out for a "spa day" just us girls. We'd go out to eat and maybe even buy a piece of jewellry that she'd always keep to remind her of this very special day. That was what was going on on the outside.

This was what was going on on the inside:

"No no no NONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not my baby! Not now, not EVER! She's just a baby girl! An infant! You can't take her! NO! I will not discuss tampons v pads with a baby!! I will not explain that she can get pregnant now! I won't tell her it's a beautiful, grownup and natural event. I don't wanna!! I will to go to bed and stay there forever! Don't tempt me! I will take the day off work. To cry and cry and cry! Maybe a little bit of rocking! And some fetal crouching for variety! SO THERE!!!!!!!!!"

But I kept that rattling, railing kook at bay and spoke calmly and rationally to my soon-to-be-a-woman baby girl, just like any completely sane, competent mother would.

What's going to happen when she finally, actually gets her period? Stay tuned. Right now I've got a chocolate stain to get out.

kxx