Friday, September 15, 2006

I finally booked Audrey for a haircut

Audrey has incredible hair. Incredible, beautiful, curly, unruly, unmanageable, knotted, frizzy, crazy hair. I try to focus on the positives especially when I'm with her but frankly, her hair is a royal pain in the ass. She knows it and I know it when we bond together; me on the couch wielding the wide-toothed comb and detangler and her on the floor crying her eyes out.

When Audrey's hair is soaking wet it reaches the crack of her butt. As soon as it's dry it reaches her shoulders. That's the amount of curl it has. It really is lovely but it's hard work. I spend a fortune on products that rarely work, it's all broken and frizzy and I never know what to do with it. Black girl hair I can deal with. I can cornrow and afropuff with the best of them but Audrey's hair texture doesn't support that stuff. Of course. Why make my life easy?

The problem is she's got Scott's hair and my hair combined. I've got typical Black girl hair. Kinky and afro, and that's why I keep it extremely short. I don't want to be tempted to straighten or dye it. It's expensive and it just doesn't look natural. Don't be fooled by Oprah and Beyonce, people. Their hair is fake. If they ever let it go natural, they'd look like Michael Jackson's circa 1974. Scott has large bouncy curls when it's long and with not a straight gene to be found between us, Audrey is paying the price. The boys have very curly hair too but lucky for them they're boys and it's never been too long.

Back to Audrey. Waaaay back when she was about one, we took her to the hairdresser to cut a couple of locks for her baby book. Then last summer I took Audrey to get her hair thinned out. That's it. Now it's time. I'm finally fed up. Our weekly wash takes about 2 hours and half a dozen different products. Hot oils and deep conditioners and detanglers, oh my. Oh and the crying. Don't forget the massive amounts of crying. By both of us. So off it comes. The big day? Saturday the 23rd. For what it's worth it's Rosh Hashana. Jewish New Year will be a new start for us.

I'm not looking to cut it bald or anything, just something shoulder length and layery that won't make her look like Sideshow Bob. Maybe some long bangs. I'd like to pull away from the ponytails she wears constantly and start to leave it loose the way she often asks for it. Besides, next time she brings lice home from school, I don't want to spend what's left of my youth combing through it with that tiny-ass comb. And it's only hair, right? It grows back. Right?

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