Friday, February 24, 2006

I'm an ill, ill woman

I have reverse anorexia.

You've heard of regular anorexia... some women (and a few men) have such a skewed body image and think they're fat when they're really really thin. I have the opposite, very rare condition where I think I'm thin when I'm really quite... ummm, let's call it "curvy".

I'll go shopping and buy clothes one size too small and not notice it. If I try it on before I leave, I'll look myself up and down, positive I look just the right combination of classy and sexy. When does the truth finally slap me in the face? When I see a photograph of myself. Not at all looking classy and sexy in the same cool outfit I just bought but sausage-y and slutty. I'm always shocked and awed by what I see. A busty, roly-poly, lumpy mess. What am I seeing in the mirror? How is this getting by me? How does this happen every single time? Reverse anorexia. Anti-rexia, if you will.

Example: I had just proudly completed my 2nd ever 5K race. I had taken a long time to choose the perfect outfit. A pair of black running shorts and a cute tone-on-tone blue running tank. So adorable, I thought. So I run my race (the fastest ever for me 34:36... don't laugh, that's good for me) and arrive at the finish. There was a race photographer who snapped a shot of me all glowy and proud and happy. I thought I would look amazing. Can I just say I didn't and leave it at that? Gag.

I may have to recruit friends and family to help me stay away from the clothes that make me look like a fool. Unfortunately, shopping time is "me" time. Besides, shopping for clothes with me can be a real trial. Those of you who've done it know what I'm talking about. You deserve a medal for even trying. So what's a girl to do? Maybe bring my digital to the change room to be that impartial judge? Huh. Not a bad idea.

In the meantime I'll be tearing up photos and deleting files. And maybe I shouldn't eat a whole sleeve of saltines with butter on them and call it lunch. Mmmmm carbs....

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