Tuesday, November 7, 2006

I want a "Jeopardy story"

I watch Jeopardy almost every night and after the first commercial break the contestants have a chance to tell Alex a short and interesting story about themselves. Alex would say something like: "Marvin I hear that you have an amazing model railway setup in your basement." And Marvin would say: "Yes, Alex, it's modelled after the Kings Cross 9 3/4 platform that Harry Potter uses to get to Hogwarts school." Alex would reply something like: "Your wife must be very tolerant. Haha." "Yes she is, Alex," Marvin would say, "she's a peach" (or some such nonsense). And down the line Alex goes to the next contestant. "So Lance, I hear you spent a very interesting night in a Tijuana jail", he continues...

I want a Jeopardy story. Something fascinating to tell Alex that would only take a few seconds. Something that may even make him laugh. I tend to have a staggering case of blabbermouth-itis on top of the fact that most of my interesting stories are just plain epic long. I'm talking Beowulf long. How do they come up with such tv-friendly sound bytes?

Should I tell about the time I puked down my boyfriend's heat register so every time their heat came on for ages after it smelled like vomit nachos? Long story. Not to mention seriously inappropriate. May get a laugh, though. What about the story of my 37 hour labour with Elliott? Not only does that one take about 3 hours to tell (if I leave out the slides) but it would be seriously boring to 98% of the viewing audience. And I'd wonder about that 2%.

I can see it now:
Alex: So Karen, tell us about the first time you made a cake for your dad's birthday.
Me: Um. Well, I was about 10 and I had no frosting so I used chocolate pudding instead thinking it was basically the same thing.
Alex: Did it work?
Me: No.
Alex: Oh well. Too bad.
(crickets)
Alex: So, Marie! Tell us about your life-saving work with the Peace Corps...

Gaaah! And if you win, you need 5 of these stories. I'd be the only player in Jeopardy history to never once buzz in.

It's amazing the way my mind works. Did you know I've been thinking about this off and on for years? And with little to no chance on ever getting on Jeopardy you'd think I'd just let it go. I'm wasting valuable brain space on this one. Space I frankly don't have the space to spare. Can someone just help me think of one interesting story for Alex? So I can move on with my life? I keep a blog for goodness sakes. You'd think there'd be one good, funny and mercifully short story I could share with the world. Right?

kxx
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