Friday, August 18, 2006

What a husband I have

Guess what he's doing this morning. No, guess. Really. I'll wait..............Give up?

He's gone to a consult appointment for a vasectomy. Isn't he fantastic? He's the bestest guy ever. And I don't think he's doing this just so we can save money on my birth control pills. I find it so amazing that he's even looking into this. What a great husband.

This is one of the reasons why I'm glad I married a white man. Now I don't want to generalize here and please don't flame me about your terrific Black husbands/boyfriends. I like Black guys too. My dad and brother are Black, you know. Two pretty great homies. I'm just making a personal observation.

See, no matter how much you try to convince a Black man that this surgery is relatively painless, reversible, scarless and safe, you couldn't even get him to go for a consult. All he'll see it the doctor wearing a bloody butchers apron, wielding a rusty cleaver ready to chop half his penis off with no anaesthetic. And said doctor will send him home with a bottle of a vinegar/lemon juice/Clorox mix and a jar of cotton balls to disinfect it with every hour on the hour.

With Scott it was just a matter of daily, merciless nagging, plenty of "I'll never let you touch me ever again"s for over 6 years and using the doctor's website as our computer screensaver to win him over. No, in all seriousness, it was his idea, folks. I kid you not. I suggested getting a hysterectomy since I have fibroids. I also selfishly figured I could get a tummy tuck at the same time. But he freaked out saying that it's too "surgical" and among other things I'd grow a moustache and soul patch. To be honest I'd happily shave every morning for a stomach I could bounce a loonie on. But his procedure would be less than 10 minutes, no scar, walk in walk out so it was decided. No flat stomach for me.

So he's there right now in Dr. Weiss' office. I like to pronounce it like the original German "Vice" for obvious comedic reasons. I hope he's not getting scared off. Or maybe I do. I'd sure look great with a pierced navel.

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