Friday, May 7, 2010

I had gas issues


A few days ago I had to take an icy cold shower and not for the reason you think. Our gas got cut off as if we were scary, destitute losers. Supposedly our bills and cut off warnings had been sent to another family by the same name in Toronto. Um, don't they go by account numbers? And they sure were able to find the correct house to shut us off even though they had the wrong billing address. Not cool, Enbridge. Not. Cool. Well, now that I think about it, it was cool but not in the cool way.

I would have loved to have been there when Scott tore those gas guys a new one. He's very sweet and mild mannered but don't get on his bad side. The issue with the payment was worked out but then they had the audacity to insist on a $75 "reconnection fee". I can just hear it now:

Gas Bag: All right sir, I'll just fix the billing address and arrange for someone to reconnect you ASAP. Be sure to have the $75 reconnection fee ready.
Scott: PARDON?! THE WHAT-NOW?
GB: The uhhh... reconnection fee.
Scott: So you're telling me that I have to pay cash money due to a mistake on your part? Get your manager on the line.
GB: It's standard sir.
Scott: Standard? I'll show you standard. Get me someone in charge!
GB (bursts out crying): I'm so very sorry sir, please don't be angry...
Scott (quietly menacing... and kinda sexy): You will hang up this phone and come to my house between 12pm and 4pm today. You yourself will reconnect my gas for free. In fact, while you are there you will plant a front yard garden to improve our home's curb appeal. We like tulips. When you are finished, you will personally apologize to my wife for making her take a cold shower this morning. You will then draught a resignation letter to your Enbridge overlords to become a CUSO volunteer in Papua New Guinea where the natives will...

What? Too much? But it was fun, right? Pack your bags, folks, we're off on a tangent.

kxx


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