Okay people this is not a drill. Everybody DOWN!

Give me what I want and nobody gets hurt. Here is my list of demands:

• A house in the country and a condo in the city
• To never have to worry about money
• To be able to go on 2 trips with the family every year, winter and summer. For this, we will require a plane
• A new wardrobe complete with several pairs of Louboutin shoes
• A 3D tv and 5 pairs of glasses
• A bathtub where I can completely immerse myself
• A maid, landscaper and architect on call
• A monthly spa/mani/pedi appointment for Audrey and me
• To have my blog discovered by a publisher who will back a dump truck of cash up to my laneway

So who do I see about this list? I need someone up in here with some authority. Because if these demands are not met, and soon, I will drink your milkshake. Drink it up. Do not test me.

kxx