Feeling the love

Thinking of my friend Kathy in England today and I wanted to send her a shout-out. I know she reads this from time to time so this blog is for her. And anyone else who likes a six-pack. You know I'm not talking beer...

kxx

Have I mentioned this to you all?

I probably have. It's now officially all I think about. I've signed up for a triathlon and it's coming up on Saturday morning.

It's not the traditional triathlon which is a 1500m swim, 40k bike and 10k run. Or the Ironman which is seriously sick at 4k swim, 180k bike and 42k run. Are they nuts? Nope, mine is a "try-a-tri" which is positively infantile at 200m swim, 20k bike and 3k run. Seriously, a child could complete this. I'm hoping to have it done in under 3 hours which is about an hour over the standard completion time of the above mentioned traditional triathlon. Hey, all I want to do is finish and get some bling. Remember my ill-fated marathon a few months ago? Even though I finished in over 7 hours, I finished. So there. I guess I can officially call myself an athlete. After all, how many of you can say you did a marathon and triathlon in the same year? Eh? Eh? Thought so.

kxx

Nasty river water rant

I've got a problem with what's going on in Ottawa right now. Let me preface this by saying that I think swimming in lakes and rivers pretty gross on the best of days. Give me an ocean or highly chlorinated pool any day of the week. No moss, weird grasses, leeches or icky wildlife of any kind. But I know that's just me (and plenty of city folk out there, Scott, don't fool yourself) and I have no beef against anyone who swims in lakes or rivers that's just my choice.

Anyway, we in Ottawa being along the Ottawa and Rideau rivers have lots of these bodies of water to swim in. There are plenty of beaches for everyone to enjoy dotted throughout the city. There's even one in 15 minutes biking distance of our house.

Unfortunately because of a highly snowy winter and unusually wet summer, we've had many beach closings due to high E.coli numbers and water treatment plant spills. Fine. That's life in the big city. It happens. When this does occur, they naturally close all the local beaches to prevent people becoming ill. Also a natural progression. But here's where I have a problem.

They'll close the beach on Monday blaming an unacceptably high E.coli count. On Tuesday, the very next day, they'll say that the the count is fine and it's okay to swim. Whaaaa? Maybe it's marginally okay to swim but most kids injest a frickload of water while "swimming" and you're telling me that yesterday it was full of nastiness but today it's fine? Uck. I don't think so. It's like telling me, after a massive dump in the toilet, to just flush and it'll okay to drink. Um, no.

Now, don't get me wrong. I go to the beach. I even dip my toes in. But if you think I'll ever immerse my head, you'd better have yours examined. Of course I let my kids swim. I don't want them to have my paranoia. But you'll hear me calling to them from the sandy beach to keep their faces out of the water. Like I need to spend the night at the ER.

kxx

Morning Peeps!

It's quiet here at Boom so I decided to quickly say hi to my little loves.

Hope your weekend was pure awesomeness. Mine was in terms that I did all my favourite things.

-I shopped (both for groceries at the mecca that is Costo and for clothes for myself)
-I watched movies (The Green Mile, Snakes On A Plane, Back to the Future)
-I computed
-I dragonboated
-I hung out with my kiddies in the treehouse
-I did 30 "boy pushups" in a row
-I cooked (but sadly I didn't bake)
-I spoke to my best friend Kathy in England and my best (only) brother in Montreal

And, as always, I laughed and laughed and laughed. See, I am a cheap date. It doesn't take much to amuse me. Hope your weekend was as terrific as mine was.

kxx

Bike-riding weirdness

A pet peeve of mine is seeing someone riding their bike using the arches of their feet on the pedals. What's up with that? Is there something I don't know? I've tried it and it feels so weird. Just so you know, most people and I propel our bikes with the balls of our feet. And why are these people usually biking with flipflops on? Just something to think about.

Another thing that drives me nuts, actually it makes me laugh, is people that smoke while riding their bikes. Really? I see it more than you'd think. It just seems like such an oxymoron. You're saving the environment yet polluting the environment. You're exercising yet killing yourself. Whenever I see this it makes me giggle. And yes, most of these people are biking with flipflops on, no helmet and (naturally) pedalling with their arches. Go figure.

kxx

A little scared...

Myspace keeps fading in and out so I'm not writing an involved blog today.

I was just super flattered that a couple of the girls on my favourite bulletin board were asking where I was. How great is that? I've got fans! Now if only Tom can get his act together and fix this site. I've been blogging on here since 2006 and I wouldn't want to lose everything I've ever written. At least not before I've gotten that book deal.

kxx

A quickie!

I'm at work but I just had to tell you about this dream I had. Well, actually it was a nightmare. About my cat. Yes, I know it's stupid but I never have cool dreams. The crux of it is that my precious Taz was accidentally poisoned and I had to watch him die. Again as in all my dreams it was all plausible. I was with my family, on my street and no one flew or had a cleverly concealed gun. No, it was just me and my family mourning the loss of our awesome pet.

As I was crying in my dream, I woke up and for a few seconds continued crying like the dream. Weird. Then I knew it wasn't real and was ready to get out of bed and look for my furry critter. Fortunately he was snoozing at the foot of my bed. He noticed I was upset and joined me on my pillow purring up a storm. It was a really nice moment. He'll never know how much he means to me. It makes you not even want to share your life with a pet if it's just going to up and die on you like that. Sheesh.

Why did the skunks cross the road?

I don't know? I'm asking you.

This morning on my way to the bus I was stopped in my tracks by a little family of skunks. Mother and 3 kids (cubs? kits? skunklings?). They were trying cross a busy 4 lane road from a field. They had to go from the field, cross the sidewalk I was on then the street. As I stood there contemplating my next move, I watched as they tried twice to cross; both failed times running back into the tall grass with their tails raised high. I imagined getting sprayed to within an inch of my life and the call I'd have to make:

Me: Hello boss? I can't come in to work today.
Boss: Why? Are you sick?
Me: Errrr, not exactly. I got sprayed by 3 skunks this morning.
Boss: Yeah, right. Get your ass in here. It's the busy season.
Me: You'll be sorry...

Then the baths. Remember the old Partridge Family episode where the skunk got on the bus? Didn't the try to get rid of the smell with tomato juice? Does that actually work?

Anyway, all was fine in the end. I crossed the street to avoid the little buggers and made my way to the bus with no further incident. Getting sprayed sure would have made a more interesting blog than this one.

kxx

68 pushups!

I started this awesome thing online called 100 pushups. I'm shocked at my progress so far. Friday I managed 68 pushups. Not in a row, mind but in 5 sets. Boy style. The website claims to be able to get you to do 100 in a row after 6 weeks of training. After 2 weeks I'm feeling awesome. So proud and strong.

And talking about proud and strong, I signed up Saturday for a triathlon. You heard. it's on 2 August, and before you sign me up for the MRI, it's a mini-triathlon called Try-a-tri. 200m swimming, 20k biking and 3k running. Not too bad. I think anyone who's relatively fit can do this one. I'm a bit scared of the swim since they don't allow water wings but thankfully it's at the beach along the shore in waist deep water. I can do this. I think I can be finished in around 3 hours. This should be fun. Way more fun than that stupid marathon and, of course, I get more bling. Third one this year. Woot!

kxx

29 hits and no blog!

I'm so proud of you people. I blondely forgot to write a blog today and you totally came through for me. You read KarenWorld anyway. Awwww. I'm so touched. This photo's your reward. Have a terrific weekend!

kxx

These poor kids "Rimmered" themselves

I said that to Scott yesterday and he understood what I said right away. I realized that after 20 years we have a kind of shorthand between us but there are a lot of people that wouldn't understand what we meant. Here's the explanation:



There's a blog that was sent to me with these tests that were given to kids. The kids lost their minds a bit and wrote crazy stuff on their exams. It's the same as a scene from one of my favourite sci-fi comedies Red Dwarf. A character named Rimmer tries to take his officer's test but the crib notes smear on his arm and he freaks out. I think I laughed until I cried with that one. That's what "Rimmered a test" means to us. I love that we can do that.

kxx

Cosmetics

Okay. Two things.

Yesterday at work one of the new young girls and I were chatting. I mentioned that I took the bus yesterday instead of biking because "sometimes I just want to wear makeup to work". To which she replied "You wear makeup?". Huh. I wasn't sure how to take that. Insult or compliment? Was she telling me that I apply my makeup so expertly and naturally that she couldn't tell I was wearing any at all? Or was she saying that I look so exhausted, drawn and tired that even with makeup on I still look like a dog's breakfast? I'll never know. I just passively shrugged and went back to work. And let it niggle at me all day (and morning, obviously).

The other day at work (when do I have a story that's not about work), Nicole brushed against my arm. She commented on how soft it felt and even asked her niece Julie (hi Julie!) to feel. She asked if I used anything and I said no. I lied. Here's my trick: after my shower, while I'm still wet before I towel off I rub baby oil gel on my skin. Then instead of using a towel, I put on a terry bathrobe and go about my business (makeup... yes, that's right) and breakfast and let it sink in. When I feel dry I just get dressed. That's it. Not expensive, not complicated but it works just great. Just ask Nicole.

kxx

Tubing!

Has anyone done this? It involves getting dragged behind a motorboat in an innertube. I know, I know it sounds like a torture devised by evil pirates or some equally devious scurvy swashbuckler. And if you told me last week that I'd be doing this of my own free will I'd have told you to go jump in a lake. But I tried it Saturday and above is the photographic proof.


Notice the open mouth. If you can hear screaming even just looking at this, you've got the image just about complete (except for the mysterious bruises). I never stopped screaming for the entire 2 minute ride. Yet... still fun. Go figure.

kxx

No blog today!

Don't you love that I wrote a blog to tell you that I haven't got a blog for you today? But I still wanted to come on here and wish you all the happiest Bastille Day ever. You know you celebrate it...

Love you loads,

kxx (eat cake)

Look at me I’m growing up!

I'm having one of those infernal parties tonight. You knowthe ones... a party that when you get an invite you shudder. Okay, maybe not but you sure look at your "friend" differently. It's an Epicure Selection Tasting Party. Like Tupperware only edible. They sell spices and dip mixes as well as kitchen gadgets and cooking stuff. Great stuff, really. I would never think of having any other party at my house.

I've been invited to lingerie parties, sex toy parties, candle parties... the list is endless. I always feel obligated at these shindigs to order something even though I may not want it. That's why I like this stuff. I use everything and love it. If I had the gumption I'd sell this stuff myself. You know me. I luuurve my kitchen and the stuff housed therein.

Anyway, I still have lingering guilt about asking people to come to this thing. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to buy stuff. I'm of the treat-others-how-you-want-to-be-treated school and frankly I hate going to these parties. Naturally I had a difficult time approaching people about this. I sent off an impersonal mass email and hoped for the best. Nothing. Then I timidly asked my friends at work and, woohoo, they came through. I'll have 5 at my party. Which considering the non-advertising I did, my consultant Michelle and I will be grateful for.

So wish me luck and, hey, if you want to order anything go to www.spices4u.ca. If I get enough orders I get free stuff. See how I'm not afraid to impersonally hit you up?

kxx

Get a load of this...

This is everyone plus 2 (don't mind Audrey's hair... she's been in her father's care for a week)

The whole thing from the outside (and Henry)




kxx

Where is my bloody family???

I have come home 2 days in a row and yelled my usual "Hi guys I'm home" with the usual anticipation of happy replies and thrilled excitement. What do I actually get? Crickets. Well, not actual bugs but the silent equivalent. Same thing happens when I call home from work. My home phone goes to voice mail. What's going on?

I'll tell you. The kids and my husband are making a treehouse. Everytime I call they're going to the lumberyard. Or in the backyard with the circular saw screaming. Considering Scott has been home for only 4 days, the house is really shaping up. I'll have to take a photo to show you. It can fit 4 kids, will have a rope ladder and a tarp roof. They're really working hard. I came home to Elliott using the cordless drill doing some such thing. It's pretty cool, I have to admit. Of course when Scott complains that he's tired and his holiday is almost gone, I have to remind him of what he took on. I mean, really.

I've been thinking of the implications of this thing. The neighbourhood kids have already started lining up outside. I can see it now. We're out for the day and come home to find a crumpled heap of laundry at the bottom of our apple tree. But what's that? It's not laundry, it's an unconsious kid. Great. What do I do now? Do I get liability insurance? Lock the thing when the kids aren't out there? Scott doesn't think of this stuff. Just the fun of a project with the kids. Maybe I should let it go too. After I check our insurance policy...

kxx

Stolen! What can I say? It’s a "got nothing" day...

Things Mom Taught Me...


My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOUR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home."

And, my all-time favorite - JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU -- then you'll see what it's like!"

kxx

Kids...

As you know I have 3 of my own. Today a co-worker brought her son into work and I realize how mean I am. I mean my kids were spanked (very rarely... don't call the cops or anything) and they've been subject to both my angry face and voice. They know when I'm joking with them and when I'm serious. Dead serious.

My friend Nicole was very fun and light with her son and threatened all kinds of things that she couldn't possibly follow through on. She sounded so sweet that, frankly, her son wasn't taking her seriously and not listening at all. Poor girl. He was running her ragged.

It really made me think. What makes a kid listen to you when they really have no impulse control and want to do what they want to do? What makes them so scared of you that they ignore everything in their bodies and minds that is screaming at them to do the opposite of what you want? How did I do it with mine?

Since the beginning I was able to take them to malls and other public places and they behaved just fine. I remember taking the 2 little ones (before Henry wa born) to a Japanese restaurant that was clearly not meant for kids. I mean no colouring placemats, no booster seats, mood lighting, no kids' menu, nothing. Audrey was in a car seat and slept the whole time and Elliot being about 3 at the time wandered to each table after eating hardly anything (What? No chicken nuggets on the menu? Imagine.) asking what people were eating and if it was yummy. That was the most irritating incident I can think of when they were little.

So why are they like that? Why are they so good to me? Not that I'm complaining. As I said I was spanker (but only when they ran into the road) and used an angry face/voice. So why do they respond to that? It's stunning to me. Maybe because I looked directly in their eyes and made them repeat what I said? I don't know. My previously useless Early Childhood Education degree? All I do know is I have a few suggestions for Nicole when she comes back tomorrow. I'm sure she could use a full night's sleep.

kxx

Overheard at the Kaye’s over the weekend...

"Are we poor?"
Asked by Henry Friday night after a week of shitty dinners.

"Look! Coco's making a speech!"
Audrey after seeing her rabbit's front paws perched on her overturned food bowl.

"I wonder which of the seven dwarfs was the smartest?"
Scott to me after a long comfortable silence.

"I shuuud reeelly sop jinking these things..."
Me after my 3rd gin and tonic at my sis-in-law's beach cottage and realizing that I have to go to dragonboat practice later.

"What about a Smart car with an ensuite bath in it?"
Elliott asking his requisite ridiculous question during a seemingly normal conversation about my favourite house attributes (ensuite baths) and favourite car (Smart).

kxx

Aw Poop!

Looks like I need a new "music machine". My little Zen screen has given up the ghost. Fortunately the machine still works (and quite well I might add) but the downside is that without a screen I can't navigate around the menu. I regularly delete songs I'm fed up with, mix around the order (one of my favourite features is the "play the least often heard song") and go back and forth between the radio and my songs. None of those things are doable without the screen. Let alone the fact that having my favourite family photos on there is now useless.

So I'm going to spend some time online shopping for a new one. I need a radio and easy access to iTunes. I like juicing it up via USB and not batteries but I really don't need the picture and video functions. I rarely used them. So if you have any ideas to make this painless, let me know I use it every day so I'll be shopping any day now.

So, little help?

kxx

Hey did you hear...

So did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper?



He sold his soul to Santa.


kxx

Canada Day = Fun Day

Well, we had a fun day yesterday. My kind of fun and games. Which means no picnics, no chitchat, no bologna.

Yesterday morning we went to a movie. We saw WALL-E which was a really sweet movie. Very well done. But my favourite part had to be the short film before the feature about a magician and his rabbit. I have to say it was one of the funniest things I saw in a long time. I laughed harder than Borat and Sarah Marshall combined. My bladder may have leaked a bit.

Later we went to a fair that happens in our local park. It's actually quite well known in the community... cars park all over our neighbourhood to hang out there and hit the rides and concessions. We went on the Tilt-A-Whirl (way more fun than I remembered) and a noisy damned music ride that made me feel every second of my 40 years. After waiting 30 minutes in each line, we hit the games and I won a pretty big gorilla playing Whack-A-Mole. Go me. But the poor kids were demoralised (and hungry) so we headed home to eat.

We took Audrey to horseback-riding then bought fireworks. We took them back to the park and waited for the big C-Day fireworks display. It was gorgeous and even though we were a bit cold, we hung around a bit and watched Scott set off his whistlers then burned off the last of our ride tickets on a second go-round on the Tilt-A-Whirl (boy it was fun) and went to bed. At 11:30pm. Like I said, it was an awesome Canada Day.

kxx

Compare and contrast

Hedley's Never Too Late

And this classic...





Papers are due on my desk on Friday. Oh, and HAPPY CANADA DAY!!

kxx