"I can't (insert verb here) because I got sprayed by a skunk while putting out the garbage."
This actually happened to a friend of mine and I thought it was the absolute perfect getting out of work excuse. I think it happened to her on a Friday night so she couldn't use it but it really is sublime. Let me count the ways how this is completely plausible:
- There is tons of wildlife around here, including skunks. I'll never forget walking home in the dark one night, making that kissy sound thinking I was calling my cat Taz. I wasn't.
- They come out on garbage day because people will put their stuff out the night before. Who's to say that my garbage day isn't on Monday and I was hauling it out to the curb on Sunday night? Or even Monday morning for that matter?
- As you know from the Partridge Family, skunk stink is stubborn. You'd need at least 3 or four hours to really get rid of it. Huh. That's the meat of the workday if I'm not mistaken. I'll bet you could even get an extra day out of it if you are super concerned for those co-workers who have that new-fangled sensitive nose thing and can't be around perfume or deodorant. Imagine how they'd behave if you smelled like a polecat? There may not even be enough tomato juice at your local grocery store to take care of it in under a week. See beautiful. And you appear considerate.
- You aren't using family for your excuse. It's dangerous to use your poorly granny to get off work. It's a terrible jinx. What if it really happens after you use it? I guess the same can be said for the skunk thing but at least my way, at least no one is actually sick.
So as you sit at home watching Pepe LePew cartoons in your pyjamas, eating popcorn and putting your slippered feet up, remember you heard it here first.