A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

*********************

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Hee.

kxx

My guys will do it tonight, that's a promise!

GO SENS GO!

That is all (isn't it enough?),
kxx

I'm home again!

My boss said that there's a lull so we don't need 5 people in the room today. It sure beats when I first started and the bags were so plentiful that you couldn't see the colour of the carpet. You were literally walking on bags of clothes in order to cross the floor and they were piled so high that you couldn't see the person you were talking to. It was terrible. We were drowning in bags and the fact that they were mostly garbage bags made the place look like a dump. Supposedly this will happen again in about a month. Hey, at least I'll be working again.

So, on the agenda for today with be cookie baking, stuff on tape watching, dusting (which I haven't done since around Christmas) and the ever-present, never-ending laundry. If I can get all that done I may go on a bike-ride before the kids get home. I have to say that even though I'm not getting paid for this impromptu holiday, it's the best thing since sliced bread. And as much as I love this job, I'd chuck it in a second to go back to being a stay-at-home mum. Come on Lottario numbers....

kxx

Secret 5k

Usually I crow on and on about my terrible training habits and the fact that I really don't train just read magazines on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes. Well, I still signed up for that 5k and ran it on Saturday. After we had a brutal dragonboat practice a few hours before. I really should have skipped the practice. It totally kicked my ass and as a result I ran the slowest 5k of my life. Complete with some humiliating walking.

But if I'm going to be honest, if I hadn't walked I would have matched or even bettered my old times. And I still had a really good time and was totally satisfied that I was able to do those two really athletic things in one day.

Because I raced alone this year (my running buddy Julie was otherwise occupied) I hung around to see the winners of the 10k which was run 30 minutes after the 5. These people aren't called "elite" for nothing. I watched them leave the start-line then went to the bleachers, found a comfy seat that waited all of 5 minutes before they started crossing the line. Amazing. The first across the line ran 10k almost 20 minutes faster than I could run 5. Absolutely incredible. And humbling. They run like they were being chased by wild animals. I could keep up that pace for about 45 feet, truth be told.

So I have today off of work (not enough bags came in on the weekend) so instead of doing housework I'm going to rest my vibrating quads and watch junky tv. Happy Monday to you! Oh, and GO SENS GO!

kxx

How are West Indians and motorcyclists alike?

It's no secret (I hope). We both acknowledge each other as we pass even though we don't know one another.

This is not a new thing. We've been doing it forever. It's neat, really. For instance, I was riding my bike yesterday and I caught eyes with a West Indian woman riding hers in the opposite direction and we smiled and nodded at each other. It's what we do. Correct me if I'm wrong but no other race/culture/whatever as far as I know does this. In fact, I try to look in the faces of everyone I pass in order to be cordial (do people still say that?) but only about 40% of people of all races look back, let alone smile. But West Indians? A solid 100%. Seriously. Not all blacks, mind you. Africans don't do it. Weird, eh? And to answer your question, no, we don't all look the same, we can tell where we're from just by looking.

Scott says it's like when a Canadian goes abroad and comes across another Canadian they glom onto each other even though they may be from Iqaluit and Kamloops. Frankly, I don't care why we do it but I'm glad we do. It makes me feel as if I'm a member of a little club. And I kind of am. Whities not invited. That stupid little sentence begs the question; where are all the mean names for Caucasions? Whities? Honkies? Crackers? Knowing what you can use for us, it doesn't seem quite fair does it?

kxx

Can I write a lucid, funny blog 10 minutes before I leave for work?

Looks like I can't. I'm running late due to unmade lunches, kids that need to dress up for shows that I had no idea about, and all-around general morning mayhem. You know, the usual stuff.
Thank goodness I went for a run at 5am or I'd already be sleeping for the night.

See you tomorrow with a much better, much funnier blog.

kxx

PS: Anniversary was quiet... we just watched the finale of Lost. Perfect.
PPS: What the hell was up with that show? More questions than answers again. My tiny brain can't take it.

k

Happy Anniversary to us!

Today Scott and I have been married 14 years. He's so terrific and cool and fun and sweet and romantic. A little cheap and he can't dance but he can't be totally perfect. People would throw rocks. What's important is that to me he's all that and a bag of chips. I love him like crazy even after all these years.

This is him before the "playoff beard". Much cuter (and younger looking). Happy Anniversary, Poops! He hates when I call him that in public but who cares?

kxx

Apparently I'm a marvel

Not that any of you ever doubted that.

Anyway, the other day I was at my desk at work and someone declared "Lunch!". Well, being the diva that I am, and knowing we'd be going outside and seeing people, I quickly applied lipstick before I stood up.

I didn't hear the end of it. "How do you not smear it?" "How is that possible?" "I'd get it everywhere if I tried that!".... Really?

Look. I've owned these lips for nearly 40 years. I've been putting lipstick/Vaseline/chapstick on them for at least 30 of those years. I kinda know where they are. Don't you? This didn't seem like an amazing feat until I got tons of attention doing it. And I'm the worst person alive to give unnecessary attention to.

Well, gotta go to work. I'm bringing my darkest lipstick with me. I'll bet they're even more impressed with that one.

kxx

Happy May 2-4!

We Canadians are off today. Some of us are opening the cottage, some of us are planting and some of us are visiting with friends and family. Knowing what you do about me from almost 18 months of blogs, which do you think I'm doing?

Yup, it's off to my sister-in-law's apple orchard to visit and see the blossoms. Can't wait to get out there and this blogging stuff is keeping me from getting ready. Have a lovely day whether you have to work or not and we'll see you properly tomorrow.

Take care, gang!

kxx

Ack! It's International Day

At my kids' school. Of course I had to cook something. As most of you know my background is West Indian (Dominican to be exact) so instead of making something Canadian (Scott's background from way back), I opted for something I remembered from my family. Unfortunately I suck at cooking West Indian food. So I cheated and rushed out and bought a packet of a reasonable facsimile. Thank you Grace!

Then I felt guilty and decided to make egg nog. Not too West Indian and pretty Christmassy but my mum made it with a West Indian twist that made it taste like no other and, frankly, wrecked me for store bought stuff. Here's the recipe:

1 can Carnation evaporated milk
2 cans (use the empty milk can) skimmed milk
2 eggs
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp bitters
pinch of cinnamon
To make it really Dominican you'd add rum but since I made it for kids, I left it out. It was the responsible thing to do.

Have a great weekend!

kxx

I'm grammatically irritated

Yes, I know I'm not top barrel racer at the grammar rodeo but it still drives me nuts when I see official paper come home from the kids' school with simple grammatical errors. I sentence fragment all the time and commit various other heinous infractions but hey, we're all friends here. Besides, maybe it's like when you see abstract art. The artist had to paint tons of baskets of fruit and flowers before his blue handprint on a white background could be accepted. Correct grammar could be like that. You could be allowed to trash grammar rules if you know you're doing it. Case in point:

I got a letter last week from the principal of the school. This is the first sentence:

"Your child may have already told you about an upcoming event that they have been asked to sing at."

Whaa? You're kidding, right? Even speaking that aloud sounds awkward. Granted, the alternative ("Your child may have already told you about an upcoming event at which they have been asked to sing.") sounds dorky but I think it's more correct. Isn't it? I may be wrong. I wouldn't think twice if she verbally said that to me but having a note sent home to 70 families? Sorry, but I'd be embarrassed.

And don't get me started on people who pronounce the word mischievous "miss-CHEE-vee-us". Why? Where does the extra "eee" sound come from? Grrrr.... Hey, I asked you not to get me started.

kxx

Another stupid hockey blog

Can I get a woohoo? The Senators have won yet another game against the Buffalo Sabres making it 3 in a row. In a best of 7 series. It looks as if we may make the Cup final for the first time in 80 years. How can that not rock?

I'll tell you how. Behold the grizzled face I have to look at day and night. Scott has been growing his beard since the playoffs started about a month ago. He looks (as the kids put it... "scrubbily"). Thankfully he's not too keen on it either. He says it itches. I think with the white in it it makes him look 10 years older. But he can't shave it now, our team needs him. But we sure will party when he does. Sooner or later... hopefully later. I guess.

Please excuse his odd expression. I snuck up on him...

kxx

Henry's sick

Poor guy. He's been up coughing since about 4 this morning. Scott had planned to take today off anyway for a dentist appointment and a visit to the v-doctor with another "sample". Wow, is that ever TMI. Anyway, we're going to share Henry. I'll work until noon then come home and let Scott do his stuff. Of course when I'm home early I can't resist but make a batch of cookies. Today it'll be Sugar Cookie Drops. Just call me Martha Nightingale.

kxx

Ahhhh Mother's Day

I hope every mother out there had the best Mother's Day yesterday. As much as I bitch and complain about the gang and wanting to be alone, I had the best time spending the day with them. And the gifts that meant the most to me came from the kids' hearts. Here's a sampling (spelling mistakes are theirs... and awesome):

From Henry:"I love you because your love makes me grow. and you are nice I like your hugs. I love you."

From Audrey: "Happy mother's Day mommy! I (heart) you soooo... much. You are the BEST! Your pretty, nice an Sweet and most of all cozy! I Love you aroud the moon 1000 times, and back. HAPPY MOTHE'S DAY! Love Audrey"

From Elliott:"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! HAVE A GOOD ONE!

Dear Mom, I remember when we went shopping, just the two of us, and we were laughing because of the things we saw and joked about every thing. I remember every one of my birthdays. you'd make a cake with my age on it. Thanks for making me those. I remember when we went to see the movie Chronicles of Narnia together and I told you which part was in the book or not. I remember when I got that really, really bad dream and you came to help and also let me sleep with you. Thank you for giving me life and food. Thank you for letting me do what some parents don't let their kids. Thank you for everything you've done for me and all the gifts you've given. Love Elliott oxoxoxoxoooxxxoxox"

Isn't that something special? I actually got all verklempt. It was like a roast only without the meanness. The presents were just gravy (and you know me... I'm a gift hog)

It was also Elliott's 11th birthday and he was so good about sharing. We did the Mother's Day thing in the morning then the birthday stuff in the afternoon. This boy is incredible. First of all he deferred his party to next week because of the busy weekend so we decided to go to Pizza Hut. We brought his gift bag to the restaurant and told hime to open it. He says (get this): "I'll open it after we're done eating." How cool is this kid I raised? He didn't get that patience from me. If it were me I've have torn into it in the car on the way to the place. Anyway, we had a nice meal, he opened his gifts and we came home and ate the "11" cake I made that afternoon. Of course. Gotta keep those memories rolling along.

kxx

GO SENS GO!

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kxx

Hard hitting questions answered

So I was reading People Magazine's 100 Most Beautiful issue and they had an interview with Drew Barrymore. There was a section called "Drew Fills In The Blanks..." that I thought would be fun to answer from a suburban mum point of view. In other words...

"Karen Fills In The Blanks..."

The first time I wore makeup was... when I was about 14. I was one of those girls who had to bring makeup to school and put it on in the bathroom, washing it off before I got home. Luckily my mother sold makeup at the time so I could take her samples for free.

Even though I'm considered beautiful I still can't... get out of a speeding ticket.

I wash my face every... morning and night.

I wash my hair every... day. You'd think I wouldn't because of my short 'do but I'm paranoid about dandruff.

I blow-dry my hair... Ya right. Never.

People compliment me on my... skin

If I could change anything about my looks, it'd be... my weight.

I covet... a flat stomach.

If someone opened my medicine cabinet, they'd find... tons of empty bottles and unfilled prescriptions.

The last thing I ate late at night was... I don't eat late at night.

When I walk the red carpet, I tell myself to... wake up, fatty! You're dreaming in Technicolour.

When I get a zit I... put toothpaste on it. I heard that somewhere. Not sure if it works but it gives me some power.

The makeup products that I can't live without are... lipstick/gloss/chapstick.

Before every magazine cover shoot I... pray that my alarm clock doesn't go off.

My guilty pleasure is... Doritos, Archie Comics Digests and tv.

I love my hair when it's... fluff free

When people meet me for the first time they're surprised by... my energy. Even I'm surprised that I can keep it up.

I love my... tattoos

I laugh about my... toenail polish that is always co-ordinated with my outfit.

I wake up looking like... the same as I went to bed. Only grumpier.

I go to sleep looking like... the same as I woke up. Only sleepier.

My 30s are for... reminiscing about

When I'm 60 I hope I look like... my mother did. All round and jolly and happy.

kxx

Good Morning!

I just yelled at the kids to get their butts in gear. Well, not yelled in an angry way... more of a cajoling-style shouting. They have a chore board that they have to complete before they go to school. It includes 10 duties such as "put on your deodorant" and "feed your fish". Anyway, I suspect that with 5 minutes left before I push them out the door to their institute of higher education, it's not completely done.

Okay, I just shouted again. Audrey came and checked and forgot to feed Betty. See? Another shout for Elliott to look at it and he forgot to brush his teeth. All hail the blessed chore board. I'm going to need something for my sore throat, though...

kxx

I did it

You may remember the incident a few weeks ago when I went to South Keys Cinema instead of Silver City and missed the premiere of "Reign Over Me". Well, last night I had premiere tickets to see "Waitress" at Silver City and made it there in one piece, only getting a little bit mixed up. Nevertheless, I made it and saw a really cute movie. Yay me.

The movie itself was just the kind of thing I love. A sweet romantic comedy. It had all the best elements: adorable lead actress (Keri Russell, the fab former Felicity), 2 funny best friends, A dick of a husband and an sexy love affair with the handsome (Canadian!) Nathan Fillion from Firefly. Nummy. If you're into these kind of chick flicks, this one is for you. Also, if you like pies, you'll be drooling.

There's also a tragic real life twist. Adrienne Shelly who wrote, directed and starred as one of the friends was murdered. She never got to see this movie in wide release. Such a shame. I hate to see such potential go to waste. And she had a husband and child too. So sad.
So go see the movie. It'd be a nice tribute to her.

kxx

Mother's Day is coming

Have you thought about what you're going to do for her? I'll tell you one thing. Most of us do NOT want to spend time with the family. We want a spa day with a friend or some quiet shopping time. For herself. Not for groceries.

I find it odd we're mothers because of husbands and children but when it comes to celebrating the day we want to spend it blissfully alone. At least I do.

Here are my 2 lists. One is for ridiculous things in case we win the lottery between now and Saturday. The other is the one the family actually will choose from:

My "ya RIGHT" list:
*Day at the spa*Louboutin leopard peep toe high heeled shoes (these make it to every list)
*.5 carat diamond stud earrings
*KitchenAid Artisan mixer, any colour (hey, I'm not picky)
*Front loading washer and dryer and (why not?) an oven with accurate temperature gauge. I'm just saying.

My "Real" list:
*Pair of black jeans from Marks Work Wearhouse
*Bottle of OPI nail polish (the names crack me up)
*Clean perfume lotion in Fresh Laundry scent
*A meal I don't have to cook
*A day alone in the house to do as I please

See? Simple. Just make sure After my breakfast in bed of Eggos burnt yet still frozen in the middle and tea sloshed over the tray that you bugger off and leave me alone. Thanks, guys. Love you!

kxx

PS: Oh, and check out my profile... I put on my favourite Barats and Bereta video in honour of the big day.

Well, it turns out that I'm not as much of a freak as I thought

Imagine my surprise when I read this article in Chatelaine magazine. A little while ago I confessed my lack of full disclosure to Scott when it comes to my "secret bank account". I rarely use it but it's there in case I see an emergency purse or gorgeous pair of shoes that I'd rather not justify. Well it turns out I'm not alone. I could have written this article myself. And probably gotten a couple hundred bucks out of the deal. Remind me why I do this blog for nothing again...

kxx

An apology

Yesterday's blog was written out of frustration and fed-up-osity and in no way reflects how I really feel. How can I cut down on writing this blog? It's my daily writing practice and frankly, a relatively safe way to be the loony exhibitionist I am. I may as well stop dressing. Thanks to Chris and Jo for enabling me yesterday. My lame blogs got 181 views this week already... how can I put a coat over that?

Moving on...

Well, the Sens did it again. One more game and we win and go to the next round. I don't know what to say... looks like Scott's playoff beard is working, worse luck. Actually, it looks pretty good. I'll have to take a photo for you all to see.

kxx

You know, I've been thinking

A dangerous activity for one as brain-challenged as myself...

I love this blog. I love the people that read it. But I've been doing this for over a year on a nearly daily basis. It takes a bit of time to come up with ideas and links and honestly, with a house as busy as mine, this thing may need to be pared down a bit. Maybe to one really good blog once a week instead of five crappy ones every weekday. What do you think? Would you think any less of me?

I'm not sure when I'll do it. Maybe next week, maybe this summer, maybe never. I don't know... I just want this to be fun and funny and I'm starting to feel pressure and stress to produce something good for you and that's not cool.

I'm just feeling blocked today. It could just be a raging case of PMS and I'll be over it in the morning. At any rate, I wrote a blog today, didn't I? Huh. Maybe I can do this after all. I've got to stop this new thinking thing. I'll just shut up and write.

kxx

Mayday!

Mayday!
Okay, so I was going to do some research and school you all (and myself) on the history and origins of May Day but it was seriously boring. Some stuff about marxists and working and other stuff about Druids and maypoles. So I'm skipping it. Onto more Karen-centric things.

Things I like about May: Elliott's birthday on the 13th: my firstborn and my favourite birth story. It's great to be able to say I went through 37.5 hours of labour. You get loads of sympathy.

My wedding anniversary on the 23rd: this year will mark 14 years for the two of us. You know the seven year itch? Well multiply that by two. Naw, I josh... you all know I think he's awesome.

May 2-4 weekend (or Victoria Day Weekend for the uninitiated): First long weekend of the summer. People open their cottages, plant their gardens and it really starts to feel like summer will actually arrive. The poop-smell is in the air and it smells like hope. Oh, and no bugs.

kxx