Monday, February 28, 2011

Late blog today

Stands to reason since I went to bed late after watching the Oscars. I promise not to complain as the only other guest at my party watched via Skype live from London and didn't get to bed until 5am her time. Kathy, you deserve a medal.

Welcome to my Oscar blog. Let me start with Natalie Portman's dress. It was to die for pregnant or not. Colour, cut... I was drooling. In fact, I was so inspired I painted my fingernails the same colour this morning. Also, at one point Anne Hathaway was wearing a shiny blue dress that I couldn't stop gasping over.

And for contrast, I hated Cate Blanchett's dress. She looked like she was wearing the Evil Queen's mirror on her chest. And the colour was weird with disturbing yellow pukey patches on the shoulders. Just odd.

Everyone is saying the hosts were boring but my take is that it wasn't the hosts (I thought Anne and James were charming) it was the show itself. There were no surprises or no controversial speeches. The King's Speech won. There's a shock. Melissa Leo swore but it seemed like she had actually written it down in her notes so it wasn't too shocking. Yawn. When will they finally take my advice and whittle this down to 10 awards? Oh and for an interesting youthful twist, check out James Franco's twitter feed. He took some pictures and videos of the goings-on backstage that are a treat to watch.

So for something unique, something no other Oscar coverage has, Scott joined Kathy and me for the last hour of the telecast and here are his comments, completely without context. Just his side... make of them what you will:

  • Did he win? For what?
  • Any more of those chocolate thingies?
  • Oh you're kidding!
  • You both have bad taste. In husbands! Hahaha!
  • Uh huh.
  • She's losing it.
  • (in an announcer's voice) And the crowd goes wiiilld!
  • What?
  • Who was the host?
  • What the heck is this?
  • It's the decline of the American Empire!
  • Where are all the white kids? Oh, there's one!
  • Yeah.
  • There's a chubby one.
  • They're moving too much. like Stevie Wonder.
So that there was my Oscar coverage, warts and all. The party's over for another year and it'll be back to bloggy business as usual in the morning. Until then...


Sunday, February 27, 2011

A Kaye Way Oscar extra!

I don't usually blog on Sundays but I just wanted to brag that I finally have watched all the Best Picture nominees in time for tonight's broadcast. Friday we saw True Grit and yesterday we saw The Social Network. Here are your haiku reviews:

Don't much like westerns
But Matt Damon was in it.
I'd watch that guy doze

Mark Z made Facebook
Or did he steal the notion?
Who cares? He's so weird.

So my final ranking for all 10 movies is as follows:

  1. The Fighter
  2. Inception
  3. True Grit
  4. 127 Hours
  5. The King's Speech
  6. Toy Story 3
  7. The Social Network
  8. The Kids Are All Right
  9. Winter's Bone
  10. The Black Swan
These are how I ranked them. For the record I think The King's Speech will win.

I'm so excited about the "party" and by party I mean the sitting-on-the-couch-with-Scott-watching-tv,-eating-munchies-and-drinking-champagne-while-Skyping-with-my-best-friend-Kathy-in-London event. You know, that kind of party.

Here's the menu:
  • Sushi
  • Paté & melba toast
  • Bacon jam topped brie
  • Strawberries
  • Cheese fondue
  • Cashews
  • Lemon tarts
  • Doughnuts
  • Chocolate pretzels
  • Popcorn
  • Red Bull (the show runs waaaay past my bedtime)
  • Champagne and fresh squeezed orange juice (the breakfast of champions)
I think that's enough for one person. And of course I'll share with Scott who'll keep me company when he comes home from hockey at 10pm. He'll need all his energy for the constant stream of ridiculous comments he'll undoubtedly make during the telecast. Can't wait for that. I could blog them for you tomorrow. You'll see...

Anyway, enjoy the show as I know I will. Tomorrow will be a fun workday as I battle a raging headache and terrible indigestion. But I know Hollywood appreciates my sacrifice.


Friday, February 25, 2011

10 Song Challenge

I just put my iPod on shuffle and I'd like to introduce you to the next ten songs that come up.

  1. Accept Yourself by The Smiths. They were my favourite band of the 80s and no, I wasn't clinically depressed.
  2. Karen by Stuck On Broadway. How can a self involved woman like me ever resist a song featuring her name?
  3. 1, 2, 3, 4 by Plain White T's. Don't judge me.
  4. Charlotte Sometimes by The Cure. Oops, that's my 80s showing again.
  5. Commentary! by the cast of Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog. Joss Whedon and the gang thought it would be funny to do the DVD commentary as a musical as well which they made available on iTunes. The man makes gold out of everything he touches.
  6. Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough by Michael Jackson. Say what you will about his various errr... foibles, the man put out some pretty good music.
  7. Klingende Geographie by Georg Phillipp Telemann. Hey, sometimes I like to get my classical on.
  8. Flowers On The Wall by The Statler Brothers. It's only because it's on the Pulp Fiction Soundtrack, okay? And I'll admit, it makes me laugh when I try to sing along.
  9. La Copa de la Vida by Ricky Martin. Also, it makes me laugh when I try to song along. It's completely in Spanish.
  10. The Jump Off by Lil' Kim. It makes me laugh when I try to rap along. You know, for a Black girl, I have woefully few " mad skillz" when it comes to singing, dancing and being cool in general. Hmph. Stupid Rihanna stood in line twice at the urbanite ability distribution centre. Whatever.
So that's 10 out of the nearly 2000 songs on that little machine. I'm still in awe that every CD I own is in there. Anyway, have a great weekend and we'll catch up again next week. I, myself, am on a mission not to rear-end anyone like I did last weekend. I'll let you know if I succeed on Monday.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

I dreamed a dream...

Last night I dreamed of dragonboating. Not a fun dream of being on the calm water, working together as a team, paddling hard but loving every minute of it. Oh no. It was verging on a nightmare.

In my dream I was rushing around, late for practice. Nothing I needed was where it was supposed to be. I couldn't find my paddle or my water shoes or my car keys. When I finally got in the car, I drove away before I realized I didn't have my pfd and I had to go back to get it. When I got on the road, it was getting torn apart. There were detours, gravel and construction all the way. It was so frustrating! There's nothing worse that trying to get to something you love with a passion and getting thwarted at every turn. My dream changed before I even got there so I couldn't even enjoy a good paddle.

I usually have dreams like this where I'm running around looking for things that I can't find or that I'm late for something terrific or important. What does this mean other than I have a stupid, traitorous subconscious?


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'm a cat person

Like I've said recently, I wish I liked dogs more. But truth be told, I'm a bit afraid of them. Yappy little ones are irritating to me and big ones like Retrievers are a little scary to me. Also the fact that I have to pick up poops that are the size of mine is a major turnoff. Maybe I can do a German Shepherd because of the Littlest Hobo or a cute little dog like Benji but that's a pretty big maybe. God, those links make me feel old.

I always wanted a cat growing up but my parents were against it. They had dogs when they were kids back in Dominica but they were cheap labour, not pets and they didn't understand them sleeping indoors and being all lovey with them. You didn't fraternize with the help.

When I finally moved out it took mere months to get the cat I always wanted. Endora came to us as a kitten huddled up in my brother's jacket. I was all ready to love her. She, on the other hand, had other, more sinister ideas. She was never cuddly or loveable. She'd hide for hours at a time only skulking out to stalk our unsuspecting feet. She'd lurk under the couch until we sat down then all you'd see was an attacking orange paw savagely darting out. Moments later you'd feel slicing pain as she evilly shredded your pants and socks down to the skin. All our pants were starting to look like they came from the Incredible Hulk's laundry basket.

The only time she was the least bit endearing was when she'd come running whenever you pulled out a sheet of aluminum foil. She'd glare at you, waiting for you to crush it into a ball and would actually play fetch. I've never seen anything before or since. You'd throw it and she'd bring it back in her mouth time after time. Until she'd realise that she'd exercised you enough and unsociably sidle away to wait for you to put on a fresh pair of socks. For 9 years we put up with her until she had some kind of kidney issue. I did cry when we took her to the vet for the last time, but more in the way that you cry when you break the serving dish you got as a wedding present. It's a bummer and you'll miss it because it had meaning but it was never going to last forever, was it? After her I wasn't sure I liked cats anymore. I was okay with never having another one.

Then came Taz. He was a fully grown neighbour's cat. Tina decided that she didn't want to take Taz to her new condo and was going to send him to the pound. Endora had only been gone a few months and because she was my first cat, we got her as a kitten, and she was still disagreeable, I was okay with never getting another one. Endora wrecked cats for me. But I couldn't let Taz get sent to the pound. He seemed like a good cat when I'd visited Tina so we thought we'd try just for a month or two. That was 8 years ago.

Taz turned me into a cat lover again. He comes when you call him, he snuggles on the couch with your for hours, he takes turns sleeping with all 5 of us at night, he lets the kids carry him around and stays where they put him. Tina had him declawed (poor thing) so he doesn't wreck the furniture, he purrs up a storm just by calling his name, he plays like a kitten, brings home "treats" in the summer and is generally the best cat ever. We all love him like mad. How can you tell? Everyone in the house but me has an allergy to him in some degree but no one seems to care. Just a sidebar: why haven't "they" come up with an injection for cats and dogs so they won't make allergic people sick? Wouldn't it be easier to give Taz a drug than put my whole family on medicine?

So anyway, here's to the best cat in the world. He's amazing and I can't say enough nice things about him. Except for the one time he had worms and freaked me out so bad... and I was entertaining my niece and her baby daughter at the time. Yeah, that was embarrassing. Well, I guess even my perfect cat can't be perfect all the time. There's nothing like worms escaping from your beloved cat's behind to make you realise that.


PS: Today's blog has a couple of links and photos. If you are reading this from facebook, click "view original post" above to read it the way I wrote it...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Long weekend recap

We had quite the busy little weekend so I thought I'd highlight the most significant event of each day:

We saw The Fighter. I LOVED it. It's the kind of movie that wins but I'm still a huge fan of Inception. Here's your haiku...

Marky Mark boxes
Christian Bale jumps out windows
Boston accents WIN.

We saw Winter's Bone on the digital box. For a movie about people cooking meth, it was a sure cure for insomnia. And the accents were so thick that I only understood about 70% of what they were saying. Here's your haiku...

No winter, no bones
Drowse inducing drawls and drugs
Wake me when it's done.

Got into my first ever car accident. And no, I don't count the time I backed into my neighbour's parked car. This one could have been bad. I was on the highway in the fast lane passing a pépère. I checked my blind spot to see if it was safe to get back in and I looked up and the car in front of me had stopped dead in the fast lane.

I laid on the brakes with both feet and incredibly stopped our car enough that it only cracked the bumper when I hit the car. We didn't even lose any pieces and the guy in front (actually 2 teens) had no damage at all. We both pulled over and the kid admitted to me that he was trying to get over to the turn around spot to answer his cell phone.

Scott was such a sweetie. He kept telling me that even though I rear-ended the guy (making it essentially my fault), it could have been worse: the airbags could have deployed, the whole front end could have been crushed, I could have been hurt... I didn't tell him that in the melee, the box of Junior Mints I had on the passenger seat emptied all over the slushy floor. Now, that hurt. Anyway, the lovely man wouldn't stop hugging me and even made a joke about it at dinnertime. It's all good.

Family Day. It was -25C with the windchill and instead of going to a nice warm movie or boring warm museum, we found ourselves outside skating. It wasn't too bad, actually, but instead of skating the length of the canal like we always do, we skated halfway and had to turn around. Of course the way back was brutally slow and incredibly cold and the Westjet booth selling tropical holidays, booming reggae music, while lucrative on a day like yesterday, was like a slap to my icy cold face. I also learned that you can get an "ice cream headache" without the joy of actually eating ice cream. No fun. But while we're on the subject of eating, there's nothing like a warm Beavertail and a hot chocolate before you face those wintry winds. And at least the sun was shining.


Monday, February 21, 2011

Family Day!

Thank goodness for this government mandated holiday. Because if it wasn't for this day, I'd never spend any time with them what with being a stay-at-home mother and all.

So today we are doing a forced march skate down the length of the canal. No problem, right? Hey, it's sunny. Oh, but what's that? It's -25C with the windchill? And we'll be skating the whole length and back which is 15 long kilometres? Outside? Good times.

There's nothing I'd like better than to spend today in a nice warm movie theatre watching some 3D stupidity but it's Family Day and I think the government comes down hard on those who spend this hallowed of days paying more attention to the flickering glow of a movie screen than the flickering glow of the family heart. Or something.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Flashback Friday

Today is a PD Day for the kids. Isn't it funny how they co-incidentally fall the Friday before a Monday holiday (Family Day), giving the kids a 4 day weekend? Thanks Ottawa-Carleton District School Board you have infinite wisdom.

Actually it's not too bad having them home. They are being really amazing lately. Or maybe I'm just learning how to deal with the horror show they call teens and tweens better. It's all a matter of deep cleansing breaths, releasing toxins on the exhale, and a bottle of red wine every day. Science is amazing, isn't it?

So here's what I was up to on a PD Day in 2007...

Friday December 7th, 2007


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Sometimes I wish...

I wish I was smarter in math and politics.
I wish I didn't care so much about pop culture.
I wish I was 30 pounds lighter.
I wish I was famous.
I wish I'd win big in the lottery.
I wish I had narrow feet.
I wish I had an iPhone.
I wish I had a clawfoot tub.
I wish I liked dogs.
I wish I was more charitable.
I wish winter had feet and feet of snow but was only 2 weeks long.
I wish I was a better swimmer.
I wish I was less of a doormat.
I wish this list was harder to write.
I wish I liked camping.
I wish I drank coffee.
I wish I had a better idea for a blog.
I wish I was better travelled.
I wish Neil Patrick Harris would just call already.
I wish my friend Kathy lived in my time zone.
I wish I knew how to decorate and landscape.
I wish I knew what I want to be when I grow up.
I wish I had a monthly standing date with "the girls".

Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling depressed or anything but I'm just kind of covetty today. I am grateful for tons of things like my health, the fact that my arms and legs work well enough to run and run. I love that I have a family that makes me laugh hard and sometimes I'm so happy with them I get choked up. I love that I can bake nice tasty things and that one day my kids will tell their spouses that their cookies aren't "like my mother used to make". Ha! It's just that some days the grass is greener, isn't it? It's nice to think of what you could have if that genie came smoking out of her bottle with unlimited wishes, right?


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Somebody stop me!

Stop me before I schedule this to run once a week for the rest of the year. I love this like I love cake. I'm giggling like a maniac...


Monday, February 14, 2011

I like Valentine's Day

I love that most years Scott insists I don't cook dinner. Any day that allows me to order from a menu gets my respect.

Even though I know this "holiday" is largely made up and you can celebrate any way you want, I don't believe in giving presents to your kids today. They get presents for every other damned thing. Why should I shell out again? This should be a special day between you and your lover. I do have a friend who buys a bouquet of flowers for his only daughter every Valentines and I think that's sweet so I'll forgive him.

Anyway, this year Scott and I are spending our 22nd Valentine's Day together. Or as a Facebook "fiend" pointed out, 88 seasons (yeah, thanks for that Mikey). We try to do something special for the day but it always feels forced. As if our parents set us up for a blind date with people they met at church and thought were prefect. Awkward. Unless, of course, the day includes shopping or diamonds (or both) in which case I can be flexible.

So this year we're just taking the kids over to their favourite restaurant (Shoeless Joe's) then we're coming home to watch one of the Oscar movies on the digital box.

And you know what? That sounds perfect.

And just so we're clear, I love my husband and my kids to distraction. I know it, they know it. I tell them every day. Not just on Valentine's.


Friday, February 11, 2011

At the risk of going into this weekend all morose,

today's flashback is from the day I got fired from my receptionist job. I tend to post quite cheerful blogs but this one is quite the departure. I really enjoyed this job and getting fired sent me for a loop. I didn't do anything wrong, but I was crap at billing which I wasn't told I had to master until after I was hired.

I actually still haven't totally recovered from getting the boot. I'd love to do that kind of job again. I met people, computed, did filing and generally took care of little odd jobs around the office. It was like being paid for being a mother. It definitely played to my strengths. Except for the billing part, that is.

Anyway, read my version of a depressed post.


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Cleaning cascade

I hate cleaning. I try to keep organised but I always get sidetracked. This because of what I call the "cleaning cascade".

For instance, I just walked by the coat closet by the front door and absently thought I needed to straighten it up. For most, this is a simple, 20 minute task of removing and boxing a few jackets and hats that are too small or haven't been worn in a while. For me it involves a meandering walk down memory lane, waxing poetic about the mitten with the hole in the thumb that I was wearing when I skated the length of the canal and back (14 kms), that I just can't throw away because Scott and I had the Best. Date. Ever. Before you know it, I snap out of the fugue state I've been in for the last 3 hours neck deep in winter wear, sighing wistfully at the Doctor Who scarf I knitted when I was pregnant with Audrey and wondering how I got here.

Oh and the kids are well aware of the times that I can't start cooking their dinner because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. There is a thought process here that, according to them, makes sense only to me.

It all starts with a clean counter. Once you wipe off all the toast crumbs and pick up the plates and peanut butter knives, they need to go somewhere. The sink you say? No. Because when I cook I have to have the sink full of warm soapy water to drop in sticky pots and utensils that can't go into the machine. And where do the things that do go into the dishwasher go? Into the dishwasher, of course. And they can't go in there if it's full of clean dishes, can they? Which is why I won't even boil water if the dishwasher is full. See? It makes complete sense.

The point is that for me, doing one "little" thing activates the cleaning cascade and equates to a whole wasted day with nothing actually getting cleaned, so why even bother starting in the first place? I'll be over here with my scratchies praying for a jackpot so I can get a maid in here. She can deal with the Doctor Who scarf and the thumbless mitten and the drooling oblivion.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

We saw Inception on the weekend

Knocking down our Oscar movies little by little. Actually we were in line at the multiplex to get tickets for True Grit. The two guys ahead of us asked for the same movie and when it was our turn, the girl said it was sold out. Are you kidding me? There was no other Oscar movie before 9:30 so we just decided to go home and watch one of them on the digital box. I'm aware that needing to see a movie before 9:30pm or we'll be passed out asleep on the sticky floor makes us old fogies but it is what it is.

So Inception. Why did I wait so long to see this movie? It was incredible! I was put off by people saying it would confuse me and that I had to pay super close attention or I wouldn't get it. Um, I'm a sci-fi fan. Yes, I'll admit that some Star Trek episodes have me scratching my head when the talk about time travel, temporal anomalies and worm holes but this movie had none of that. It was easy to understand. You just had to keep the dream layers straight and that was pretty clear since in one layer it was raining, one layer was in a hotel and one was in the snow. Come on, people, I'm not as dumb as I look.

The cinematography was to die for. When that kid from Third Rock From The Sun was having that zero gravity fight, I was freaking out the whole time. And if they don't get an award just for when that kid from Juno was experiencing the dream place for the first time I'll be pissed. And why are movies chock full of kids nowadays?

So, here's my haiku movie review of Inception:

It's not confusing
If you just pay attention
Give me some credit


Monday, February 7, 2011

Open letter to the Baby Bullet people.

To Whom It May Concern,

Putting aside your unfortunate choice of product names, I'd like to discuss your use of the word "organic" in your infomercial. I'm no vegan environmentalist tree-hugger but can I'm fairly sure food that comes out of your magical product isn't really organic unless you use organic ingredients.  I mean just because I mash up a chicken nugget with the back of a fork, doesn't miraculously make it grease and breading (and probably meat) free and "organic".

I feel sorry for the naive first time mothers you are swindling with this product. If a mother doesn't have the time to push down 3 or 4 times on a potato with a masher before they dump the kid on its grandmother before the big school dance, I have nothing but pity for her. For many reasons.

I'm asking you to change your commercial. It drives me crazy. I'm fed up with the images of the babies wailing as they are being fed perfectly fine Gerber products. Tons of mothers have gotten by without your fake "organic" "necessity" item. I'm only sorry you'll probably sell millions of these units, lining your non-organic pockets with non-organic lettuce. Or do the kids call it cheddar now? Whatever. You guys suck.


Friday, February 4, 2011

I'm going through a lot of old blogs

For reasons that I'll share with you closer to the day, I've been asked to choose my 3 favourite Kaye Way blogs. How hard is this? Only 3? Out of over 1300 blogs? Seriously? It's killing me. There are blogs I wrote that are probably perfect but they are so lost in the sands of time that it'll take Dr. Alan Grant and Indiana Jones combined, years with one of those tiny brushes to dig them up. Then there are the ones I remember writing that, frankly, aren't particularly good or funny but they seem to be go-to blogs when I cast my mind back. So what do I do? I've asked for help sifting but it's so big a job that I haven't had much response (thanks Jenn!). I have a few weeks before the deadline so I'm still working hard. These Friday Flashbacks are quite helpful since it forces me search months and years I may have neglected. So thanks for being so indulgent. Here's another oldie for your patience!

It's perfect for today, a sunny day after a snowy one.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Haiku movie reviews

Last week Scott and I saw The King's Speech starring the yummy Colin Firth. That brings the count of movies we've seen to 3. Seven more to go with only 3 weeks left. Who knew going to the movies would be like work? Anyway, in keeping with my critiques in years past, here are my reviews of the movies in haiku:

Toy Story 3
We thought it was great
An Oscar nom with no boobs!
All toys keep pants on.

The Black Swan
Dark side, light side crap
Clichéd, obvious, boring,
Pretentious and lame.

The King's Speech
King George stam-m-mers
Swears and sings to get words out
All kings kept pants on.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Acrostic for today

We are
Enjoying a
Day full of
Naps and
Snowpocalypse is the best
Anyone remember the Groundhog today?
Yeah, didn't think so.

kxx (yes, I'm aware there are no groundhogs in the attached video but it makes me laugh. And they are rodents so it's close enough)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

To fake confidence, JUST SPEAK LOUDLY!

Sometimes all it takes to write a good blog is confidence. You sit down at the computer, staring at the empty "compose" box and make it your bitch. You scream at the screen, "Box, you don't know me! You can't intimidate me! I see your empty unblinking eye staring at me. But you know what? I've got one thing to say to you... Compose Box, you are NOT the father!!" Wait. What?

Right. We were discussing confidence in writing. You have to just start putting things down even though you may not know where they are going to take you. Later you can go back and edit, but at first you just have to blurt it all out. At least that's what I've been told by real writers. Well, not that I know any real writers, just dabblers like me, but still. It holds true.

So after all that rambling, did you get the inkling that maybe I had no idea what I was going to write about when I sat down? Well you'd be right. And didn't I come up with an amazing piece of literature right before you? I didn't? Well I, uh... yeah. So, there you go. Like I said. Confidence. To centre an entire blog around absolutely nothing.