Describe your dream bathing suit

Because mine would be a one piece that looks like pair of bicycle shorts and a high necked tank top sewn together. Like the ones the second woman and the woman in the centre are wearing. Why oh why does this suit not exist anymore? Tons of women hate their thighs, asses and stomachs, don't they? I can't be the only one.

I don't want a skirt (too old lady), I don't want high cut hips (More cellulite on parade? No thanks) and I hate cleavage of any kind. Also, I like to actually swim. So I need something that won't ride up or float away. This is not rocket science, people. Last year I wore men's boxer brief bathing trunks and a tankini top. But again, two pieces so I spent the whole triathlon making sure my belly didn't escape its spandex confines. And of course if I ever do find this perfect suit or have it custom made, it'll cost, well, it was nice being your mum, Elliott.

So come on, designers. Bring the '20s back. Make a suit that we fat chicks can get behind. No pun intended.

kxx