On my way out the door

Here I was thinking I should take the kids out to the beach since yesterday was an indooor day for them because I was all about the laundry. I told the kids this morning and they seemed less than enthused. Fifteen minutes later I have a grumpy 11 year old saying that he'd rather stay home, and a 7 year old crying because the 9 year old was teasing him. I would so rather be at work right now. Summer holidays are for chumps.

Anyway, here's a great photo of my dragonboat team "The Bold, The Bald and The Beautiful" that was taken on race weekend. Did I mention that we came in 41st place overall? In a field of 190? I did? Well tough. I'm going to the beach with 3 pissy kids. I need to take my joys where I can get them.

kxx

Finally!

Well I had all these great ideas about what to blog and MySpace was down all morning.

Thankfully I'm off work today (and for the next 2 weeks) so I had time to check every 5 minutes. Anyway, I'm not really in the mood to blog anymore so I'll leave you with my favourite photo from catsthatlooklikehitler.com. I felt guilty about laughing like a drain but I read the FAQ and I felt better. Hee.

kxx

Last day of school

Most normal mothers would be rejoicing the fact that (to coin a phrase) school's out for summer. I'm not a normal mother. I'm of the how-can-I-miss-you-if-you-won't-go-away school of love and devotion. I'm predicting that about 45 minutes after they get home from school today, I'll start hearing the dreaded chorus of "I'm bored!"

I've got lots of activities planned. Beach days, picnics, swimming lessons, shopping excursions, camp, movies... but they'll still find a way to be bored. None of it will keep them completely happy. I guarantee they'll play the "bored card". It's fine. I'm prepared. The bathroom door has a lock on it, there's a radio in there and I've hidden a gossip rag under the sink. So if worse comes to worse, I've got a pretty cushy little hiding place. I'll just hole up in the toilet until they wander outside to be bored on their bikes. See what you can do when you have a plan? Bring on summer. I'm prepared.

kxx

I love this house

So Elliott had his graduation yesterday. It's only from grade 5 but it's the final year at this school so they have what I've heard called a "big tra-la-la". He got his diploma but no other special awards. No problem, because he's the cleverest being in this house.

He report card is stellar. The only Cs he got were in art and gym. Who does that? In his yearbook the kids talked about their favourite subjects. Most said recess or lunch. What did Elliott say? "Math. Especially fractions." Wha? He's like an alien.

When I woke him up for school today I trilled, "It's the second last day of school, sweetie!". He replied groggily, "You mean the penultimate, mum." Come on! Grammatically spanked by an 11 year old? I love it. Happy graduation, my brainy lovey!

kxx

We're Bold, we're Bald and oh yeah, we're Beautiful!!!

Okay, I'm not going to bore you all with the details but I had the most amazing time this weekend. I saw my kids for all of about an hour all weekend long and had the chance to spend time with other paddle crazed kooks. I'm still on a high feeling like I really want to race again.
I'm having a very difficult time taking off the plastic orange bracelet that signified my participation.

So just to recap, The Bold, The Bald and the Beautiful came in 44th place on Saturday and 40th place on Sunday with a best time of something like 2:19. Which would suck if there were 50 boats in total but there were 190 so we totally kicked ass. We never won a heat but we had some awesome races and that's what counted. We even got our name mentioned in the paper as one of the teams with a most unusual name. Yes, ours is cute but my personal fave? The Dirty Oars. Our coach Bevin and his wife L.A are interviewed for the article too.

Gotta fly, Elliott's graduating from grade 5 in an hour and I've got to make sure he's not wearing a filthy shirt. I'll post our team photo tomorrow (and I promise not to bore you with this anymore... now how could you possibly see my fingers crossed behind my back?)

kxx

Looks like the family's on tv again!

They've been playing our tv commercial this week on the CBC. Remember the one we did for the Chicken Farmers of Canada? I actually saw it 3 times yesterday. I have to tell you I'm getting pretty used to that stinky smell look I give at the end.

For those of you who haven't had the distinct pleasure of seeing my family and I in action, here you go. Just click on the last link at the bottom (Chicken: Gate to Plate - Commercial 2007).
Yup. You can say you knew me when.

Have a fabulous weekend. You know I will. I'll be dragonboating all weekend. Ready READY?! Damn straight.

kxx

Dang.

All day yesterday I had the feeling that I was forgetting something. Everytime I wrote the date down it seemed familiar but I just shrugged it off as being the birthday of some long lost friend. When I got home, my dad called. It was the 12th anniversary of losing my mother. How could I have forgotten that? I even got that great tattoo a few months ago to keep her close. I feel so guilty. I'll blame it on being exceedingly busy yesterday. Which worked out great by the way.

The only wrinkle left is keeping my big blabbermouth shut at work all day today about one of the things I love most in the world because I chose dragonboating over a staff meeting. How do I get myself into these things? Sigh.

kxx

Please let today go smoothly

Day 3 of Scott being gone and every event that I need to be at this week happens today. How did this happen? And all 3 commitments are important. Obviously one of them has to be blown off and I chose the one that came up last and that I didn't pay to participate in. My work staff meeting. Ugh. As Scott likes to say it's "bad optics" but I have no choice what with him being away.

The staff meeting is at 6pm, Audrey has her last horsemanship lesson from 6:45 - 7:45 and I have the final dragonboat practice at 8:10 where we get our final seat placements, have a practice race and talk about our race plan for Saturday. Since I'm the team organiser, it's unmissable. So this is what's going to happen:

I skip the staff meeting (dammit). I take Audrey to her lesson. Since it goes too long for me to get to practice on time, I'll get a neighbour to pick her up at the stable and bring her home to the sitter who will hopefully be here at 7:30. My stomach aches with the logistics of all this. I even said a prayer before I got out of bed for this to work out. And I have to work all day with people who think I'm going to the meeting later and you all know how much I talk. I'll also have to keep quiet all day tomorrow about how amazing the practice was. I'm in knots here...

Oh, and best news of all? My monthly visitor arrived a couple of days early. Just in time for this awful day and to have me doubled over with cramps and pissy for the next 2 days. Good times.

kxx

I'm grumpy

Sigh.

Day 2 of Scott's goneness and I wake up to cat vomit on Audrey's comforter. Good times. By the time I get it cleaned up, and wrestle the giant piece of fabric into the washer, (another job I love to do at the crack of effing dawn), I find the the green garbage bag that we're using in the kitchen in lieu of an actual can (a whole nother issue) has leaked garbage water onto my kitchen tiles. Oh joy. So now I'm having to mop the kitchen floor on top of blogging, getting the kids and myself ready for the day and laundry. And it's only 7:47am. I'm all a-tingle to see what the rest of the day holds for our hapless heroine.

Siiiiigh.

kxx

Woohoo! Monday

Another brutally busy weekend down. Now off to go to work to rest.

My Diva turned 9 yesterday. But not before she sang at the AAA baseball game on Friday. It was her choir from school and they did really well. How cute were they? Sorry I can't upload the film but here's a photo (she's the one with the blue headband)...

At that game the scales fell from my eyes when I discovered that my 11 year old son had a girlfriend. This was them after she kissed him on the cheek. Oy.

Saturday was Audrey's party. There weren't too many girls, thank goodness but still I had stuff do do. I'm notorious for not giving out loot bags so I decided to have the girls decorate a flower pot and pot a plant. They looked really nice.

Yesterday after giving Scott a nice Father's Day morning and Audrey a nice birthday early afternoon, we bundled Scott into a taxi and got him off to his flight for Albuquerque New Mexico. He's there for a week in a town famously known for enabling Bugs Bunny's terrible sense of direction. He'll be back Friday night. Yes. Just in time for another fun-filled weekend. Sigh.

kxx

I've got an earworm.

I just learned this term a few months ago. Earworm. It's a song that gets stuck in your head in a nutty-making loop. Previously I had just gone by the unwieldy yet maddeningly clear "song that gets stuck in your head". And for this song, you know it's just the whistling part.

I found the video on YouTube and it's hilariously low-tech. It reminds me of those old Spiderman cartoons. I know nothing about this band, only that the song drives Scott round the bend (thus making it more satisfying when I'm whistling it) and that even though I've had that song drilling into my brain for nearly a week, I still like it. Go figure.

See you Monday. As usual the weekend is chock-a-block with activities (not the least of which includes the Diva's birthday party tomorrow and Father's Day Sunday). I'll give you an update on events.

kxx

The honeymoon is over

I was 10 minutes late for work yesterday. Why? Facebook, that's why. All I did was fill in the form with my information and I spent the entire morning poking people and leaving messages. I'm in big big trouble. It actually connected me with 2 people I haven't seen or heard from since MC Hammer wore those retarded pants. And with no gold memberships like some reunion websites I could mention. OMG. What am I going to do? I'm here typing this blog wondering how to end it so I can get back to Facebook. Shit.

kxx (feel free to poke me at any time)

MySpace love story

I love MySpace. I'll always love MySpace.

Besides the unfortunate sexual predator thing, it's a wonderful place to be. And I'm not just saying that because I have 18 months worth of blogs here and the favourite photos that are here are safer than on my hard drive which has imploded on 2 occasions since signing up and sent everything I have into the cyber abyss.

Now I'm hearing a lot of stuff about this facebook thing. I just don't get it. People are so fickle. What ever happened to loyalty? MySpace has taken care of you for years and the minute someone younger, fitter and prettier comes along, MySpace is binned? How unfair.

Well fear not, MySpace. You little Karen is going nowhere. Even though I just signed up for facebook, it doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. It just means that I have an irrational need to see what everyone is bleating on about. That's all. Just research. I promise. My peeps are here, my blog is here, my photos are here. So just don't you worry, 'k? You're still tops in my book. And not the "face" kind...

kxx

Loyalty

While performing my toilette this morning I realized I'm pretty fickle when it comes to the products I use in the morning. I'm not loyal. I use the same soap (Dove) the same perfume (Clean), mouthwash (Listerine) and shampoo (yes, I use it) but that's about it. All other products are up for my toilettries dollar.

I try different products all the time for face/hand/body lotion, deodorant, makeup, nail polish, toothpaste and razors. I'll buy what's cheap, trendy, on sale, has a funny commercial, what comes in a cool box, what the pharmacist recommends, what I read about in a magazine, something I have a coupon for, something a friend suggests... whatever. So go ahead, advertisers. Court me. I'm at my most disloyal.

kxx

Drama weekend

Looks like emergency services followed me this weekend as on Friday and yesterday ambulences and sirens were in my vincinity. Nothing to do with my family or friends, just in my periphery. The sadist in me thinks it's actually quite cool.

Yesterday the kids come in screaming from playing in the back yard. Apparently the fire alarm at the condos behind my house was going off. We went through our yard to the back of the building and around to the street in time to see fire trucks, billowing smoke and a woman being loaded into the back of an ambulance. Wow. Supposedly the fire started in her bedroom. Everything turned out okay at the end. The fire department controlled the blaze and contained the damage to only her unit.

On Friday afternoon my co-worker Linda and I wander across the street to our favourite kitchen store. It's one of the few places we can go what with our generous 15 minute break. I, of course, spent far too much money and chatted with the owner Warren about my haircut, Dickie D ice cream, cupcake carriers and the upcoming street party called Westfest.

When I got home from work that day, I flip on the tv to see that there has been a hostage taking in the west end of Ottawa. Guess where? Three guesses and the first 2 don't count. After 2 hours of craziness, Warren was let go with only a gash on his head from a plate broken over it and the suspect was arrested. How bizarre! I was just there! Anyway, ambulances again as Warren was taken to the local hospital but was released in time to join the fun at Westfest.

But isn't that something? What a weekend. And see how I made all that relate to me? All that fear and panic and it all comes back to me. How self involved am I?

kxx

Happy Day!

This is how Audrey has greeted me every morning this week. When I asked her what she means, she said, "Nobody we know is having a birthday and I wanted it to be a happy, fun day anyway, so I say Happy Day." She says it with a big happy smile and usually the second I wake her up in the morning. I have to admit it puts a smile on my face every time.
So "Happy Day", my luvvies, and have a great weekend, too.

kxx

No Sens, Noooooooo!!!!!

Aw, Poop. Well, the dream was fun while it lasted.

kxx

Karen on Karen

I've been reading a lot of women's magazines lately. Mostly because when TV Guide folded, my subscription was switched to Chatelaine. So not the same. Anyway, they had an article on the wife of our Liberal leader (*yawn*) and they asked her these questions. I thought I'd publish my own answers to her questions because, well, I can. And to be honest, I'm funnier than she is.

What is your morning ritual?
Besides getting the kids ready, a couple of mornings I go to the gym at the crack of dawn, every morning I blog, have a bagel and cream cheese (my current fave breakfast) and rush off to work either by car or bike.

What is your greatest indulgence?
Accessories. Shoes and purses. I have more of those than normal people.

What is your favourite comfort food?
Doughnuts.

Which words do you most overuse?
D'Oh and awesome ("Hello? It's the 80's. They want their word back.")

Which part of the world would you most like to see?
I have a bizarre obsession with Prague Czechoslovakia. I have no idea why.

Which talent would you most like to have?
I'd love to play an instrument or sing.

On what occassions do you swear?
Watching hockey games, when I drop things on my toes, when talking to friends. I guess that's all the time.

Which gadget could you never give up?
My mp3.

What's your drink?
Water or beer.

What's the best part of teaching at a military college?Ummm... the hot guys in uniform? Okay, that question is so not for me.

What's on your bedside table?A lamp, wedding photo, a little African sculpture, a pad and paper, a novel and an Archie Comics Digest.

Who's you most influential military strategist and why?
Um. See answer above.

What is the worst piece of advice you've been given?
That I should wear comfortable shoes and that I don't always need to wear makeup. Uh, yeah.

kxx

Man's testament to extreme paranoia

That's what I'm calling the Diefenbunker, an underground bunker (natch) built to hide mucky-mucks and government types during the cold war. I went there on a field trip with Elliott's class yesterday. The place looked like a cross between the fakey looking NASA base on "I Dream Of Jeannie" and the bridge of the Enterprise on the original series of Star Trek. There are two reasons why I made the paranoia crack:

1) There was this escape hatch reminiscent of something out of Coyote and Roadrunner where you step into a hatch, release a pile of rocks which creates a vaccuum that breaks a skylight and then you clamour up the rocks to get out. Like the coyote's plans, needlessly complicated and entirely bizarre.

2) Outside the computer room there were a bunch of tools. To fix the hilariously huge equipment? Heck no, to destroy the equipment in case of infiltration. I can understand a facility like this in the States but here in Canada? I told you. Paranoid.

And the field trip itself? Not as much fun as I'd envisioned. There was this one kid (I'm talking to you Ramy), who after the 40th time telling him to stay with the group and for God's sake don't touch the displays, I hauled off and hit... Elliott. Smacked him right upside the head, poor kid. I apologised up and down and told him that I loved him and explained that even in my highly stressed out state I still knew that hitting a stranger's child is assault but smacking your own is discipline. And I needed a release. Any port in a storm. Or head. And it actually felt good. I'd do it again. The smacking, not the field trip, that is.

kxx

Look at me go

Remember the 5K I ran last week? The one that I ran slower than molasses in winter, almost stroking out in the process? Yeah, that one.

The official course photographer snapped me puffing and wheezing my way through the course. This is the action shot they got. Sigh. I look like I'm in trouble, don't I? Well you know I'm going to order it anyway. And I have to admit, my legs look awesome in this picture. Come on, throw me a frickin' bone, here...

kxx

Baking cupcakes this weekend

I found a recipe for Magnolia Bakery cupcakes which I've been thinking about ever since the brilliant short "Lazy Sunday" from Saturday Night Live. Maybe I'll even rent Narnia and find Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. Okay, truth be told I don't even know what those things are so I'll substitute Dr. Pepper sucked up with a hollow Twizzler which actually is crazy delicious. Yup, I'm planning on a Lazy Sunday. After I get all my errands done. Like grocery shopping, dragonboat practice, a garage sale, Elliott's 4x4 hockey, and of course baking those effing cupcakes. Laaaaaaaazy.

kxx