Living in my head is such an ordeal

I made myself giggle all morning with the statement:

"Falling like Hans Gruber off the Nakatomi Plaza building."

See? An ordeal. It's not even funny when I print that out. But for some reason, the sound of it in my own weird brain and the vision of Alan Rickman's face has delighted me all day. It's the little things.

kxx

Pssst! Wanna see my boob?

Perverts. It's actually my hand as I was replacing my phone in its holster my bra. I must have pressed the shutter accidentally and the shot was taken from the inside of my top. You can see my classroom through the buttonhole in my shirt. 

I have a new phone that's so bloody big that it doesn't fit in any jeans pocket so the only place I can keep it is my bra. Yes, I know some people say that you can get cancer from doing that but I think it's those same people that say you can get radiation poisoning from watching your popcorn spin around in the microwave. 

Anyway, it really looks dumb crammed in there... 

See? Proof. Ugh.

so I'm looking for ideas. How do I carry this phone around? Fanny pack? Leg holster? Fascinator? How do I keep my phone closeby while I'm wandering around the school keeping on keeping on? Ideas?

kxx

at 2:01 today I...

watching the birds at my bird feeder. Ah, the life of a person who works part time. I saw a chickadee and a junco. Then I took a nap. I didn't, actually but I thought that sounded funny...

Hmph, I actually started that post yesterday but I forgot to press send. So that happened...

kxx

I finally get near the computer!

Audrey has been bogarting the computer claiming something she is doing a foreign word in this house called "homework" or something like that. And also, since when did they start calling the final project of the year a "summative"? In my day (holy hell, I just used in my day) it was just awkwardly called the-final-project-of the-year-that-is-worth-half-your-final-grade. Whatever.

Anyway, in an effort to speed up the blogging process so the kid can get back to her so-called "summative", please enjoy what came in the mail yesterday. I know I will. Okay, I just read that back, and I realize how self-centred that sounds. Why on God's green earth would you care about my wonderful, fantastic dream trip? That said,

LOOK! 

The tickets are like credit cards! Who knew?

at 2:01 today I

was looking over this very handy Disney guidebook we got for Christmas. This thing I'll use the most? The minute by minute day planner for each park which includes the best time to get on rides, when to get the Fastpasses and even when to eat lunch. Awesome! I'm finally starting to obsess about this trip...

kxx

Good evening, randoms!

So I'm watching "El Bachelor" (awful but I love watching these 20 year old desperate women... how are they so young, skinny, beautiful and damaged? Can you say guilty pleasure?) and nursing the biggest freaking pimple on the edge of my lip. It's huge and hot, and I feel it with every heartbeat. I think it's a tumour.

I put our Disney tickets on my credit card this weekend, and I think it's the most money I've ever put on it. That was a pain too, but it hurt so good. 25 days and counting.

Developmental profiles are done.

Elliott made brownies today. Okay, he stirred stuff and switched on the oven but he stayed in the kitchen and mostly didn't text so it's a win.

So now I'm off to the couch to practice my uke and put my feet up before I go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow!

kxx

Apropos of nothing, does this logo look like a swastika to anyone else?

Borrowing children

I was talking to Audrey after we saw a trailer for the Lego movie. Incredibly it looks hilarious to me and in the face of having to see all nine Oscar nominees (Yuck why do I still do this?... it's like medicine, seriously.) in a month, I thought I'd really like to "borrow" one of my preschool kids and just go see it.

When I told this to Audrey she was surprised. Well, at first she thought I meant to kidnap the kid. My actual intention was just to ask the parents to take them out on a "date" but whatever works. I kinda want to see this ridiculous movie. Especially if I have to go see the super depressing 12 Years a Slave.

Anyway, this conversation reminded me of the time when I went shopping for a table and chair for my classroom. I went to Ikea and stood in front of the tiniest table and chair I ever saw. It couldn't possibly be the size I needed, could it? Being away from my classroom and in a giant warehouse didn't help, either. So I did what any red-blooded preschool teacher would do. I borrowed a kid. I waited for the first 3 year old to walk by (it didn't take long... this was Ikea on a Saturday, after all... two words: cheap meatballs) and jumped in front of her mum.

Me: Hi! Excuse me... this is going to sound weird but can I borrow your daughter?
Terrified mum: Uh. What?
Me (laughing and trying to look less psychotic. My haircut does NOT help): I'm a preschool teacher, and I'm trying to buy this table and chair for my classroom but it seems too small. Can I have your daughter just sit here for a second?
TM (smiling but only looking only slightly relieved): Okay.
She manoeuvers her child to the little table but never takes her hand off her back. This is wise. That kid is cute, and I need a movie date. Oh, and the table and chair are perfect.
Me: Thank you so much, and your daughter is gorgeous by the way.
TM: Oh, that's not my daughter. I've never seen this kid before in my life.
(I was just checking to see if you were listening)


kxx (Here there be links. If you don't see them, get thee to blogger)

Here's the table in action. Er sort of...

At 2:01 today I...

was doing my paperwork. So instead of showing you a screenshot of my latest developmental profile (juicy though it is), I just twisted around in my chair when the alarm went off and got a shot of Archie watching the birds outside at the feeder. 

Must get back to work...

kxx

So. Much. Work.

I have a lot of paperwork to do (report cards are due Friday) so the last thing I want to do (or can do for that matter) is a long, involved post. My brain is fried. So please enjoy this blast from the past. I've written a lot of blog posts in 8 years (Eight? Holy crap.), but I always remembered this one, and it makes me smile.

http://kayeway.blogspot.ca/2010/02/men-cant-live-with-them-cant-smother.html

You're probably in for another one of these tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day...

kxx

Photo dump!

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for you, my new phone syncs magically with my pc so I thought I'd share a bunch of stuff I took over the holiday. Have fun metaphorically rifling through my undies...

The last selfie I took.

Henry as Jack Nicholson. This was taken to illustrate our height difference. He's 5'10 at 14

Henry with an Archie photobomb

Two seconds after the previous photo

I was just pressing buttons. I found one that takes the picture when you say "cheese"

The boys

Sleepy girl

Game night with the neighbours. Monopoly. I was the cheerleader. I hate Monopoly

My freckly, mustachioed baby

Christmas dinner isn't complete without a cracker

Audrey is less than impressed with my favourite Xmas gift. It's a working tv remote

Again with the face. So many selfies with this goof.

My pretty girl

Elliott showing off one of his gifts

Christmas haul

kxx

Here's a head-scratcher for you

Well more for me than for you. But this blog is all about self-reflection (and self involvement) and although I should apologize for all the navel gazing I do, I won't. I'll bet you are asking yourself just why exactly you clicked on this link, anyway...

So as I was leaving work today I was sitting in the car and watched a woman walk past. She got into her car, which was parked 2 cars away from mine and drove away. In literally 15 seconds. How did she do this?

This is my routine as I get to my car.

I open the back passenger door and dump in whatever extra bags I have with me. Usually a grocery bag filled with school related ephemera or a gym bag full of damp clothes and towels. 30 seconds.

I walk around to the driver's seat and plonk myself in. I remove my purse that I wear across my body and put that on the passenger seat. I arrange my purse in a way that I can grab any candy I inevitably have inside (usually Rockets). I also have to place the bag so that if I have to stop short it doesn't fall on the floor. I've been known to pull over in traffic to retrieve it when it's happened in the past, and it's not pretty. Two minutes.

So after I wrestle my bag off (harder in winter) and place it just so, I reach down my top. No, not for anything nefarious, for my phone. I scroll through the apps (since I've left Appleland and gone into Androidville, this takes ages) trying to find the podcast I was listening to when I shut it off. When I find it I have to connect it to the separate Bluetooth speaker I have because my car is ancient and doesn't attach the phone to the car radio speaker. Three minutes.

Finally, I turn on the engine and warm the car up. I make sure the podcast is in the right place since I don't want to mess with it while driving. Again, happened in the past, not pretty. I adjust the mirrors and seat (how on earth do they always move if I was the last driver??) and I windshield wash the windows. It's a thing I need to do. Hey, I need to see, right? Two minutes.

So that's nearly eight minutes give or take a minute, and I wish I was joking. Eight. I actually add this time to the amount of time I need to get anywhere. I so envy the people who can hop into their cars and drive away. I don't even want to go into how long it takes me to leave the car once I've parked. Suffice it to say that it involves almost everything above in reverse (minus the adjusting and window washing), but it has a fun added bonus of waiting for either a song to finish or the podcast to have a natural break. Oh the lunacy.

If there's one thing this blog does, it illustrates to myself just how much of a neurotic kook I am. Who needs therapy?

kxx

sigh.

At 2:01 today l

Was helping pick a fireplace for Scott's new mancave. And by help I mean held the measuring tape and followed him around. Not that I minded,  It took my mind off the lice outbreak that just hit my classroom.

Is it just me or did that sentence make anyone else itchy?

kxx

Not much of a post today but I had to share

Look at what Audrey found in our "More Time Mom's" calendar.

FERUARY? Really guys??

I'm shocked that this typo could get through. I mean, I write this blog and it's covered with red underlines before I edit. And by edit I really only just read it over once, looking for red marks. How many people does something like this have to go through before it goes to print? My minor case of OCD is not going to make it through FEBRUARY looking at that. I'll have to put a piece of duct tape over it. At least it's the shortest month...

kxx

Pyjama Day

Or that was the plan. Yes, I did actually stay in my pyjamas but I worked on the computer all day. Let's see... I played with my new phone downloading apps so that it'll be exactly like my beloved iPod, I contributed to the newsletter for my school, I wrote up a developmental profile on one of my kids, and I watched Sherlock. Hey, I never said it was all work. After re-reading the above paragraph, I actually did say that. But oh well...

Quickly about this Sherlock thing. It played on BBC yesterday. It won't play in North America for another 2 weeks. In this day and age of instant gratification if you think I'm waiting that long, you've got another thing coming.

I went to the BBC website and clicked on their iPlayer but I don't live in the UK so it didn't work. So off I went searching for a way to watch the coolest show next to Doctor Who. I went to LifeHacker which is a website that if you've never been to, you are missing the best tips on just about everything. There I found a link to "Hola" which hides your pesky IP address, preventing mean websites like this one (and ITV, CBS and NBC to put a few networks on blast) from realizing just where you are. A couple of quick clicks and voila... I'm watching Sherlock explain to John just how exactly he faked his own death. No spoilers but it's a doozy.

Tell me how much you love either one of those sites...

kxx

Be nice

That's my New Year's Resolution. I've come to the realization that in my old age I've become sarcastic, and passive-aggressive. I'm also a bit of a control freak, (but I do it in the nicest way). So this year I've decided to try to be nice. Genuinely nice.

If you met me you'd think I have a positive attitude and am bubbly, kind and full of life. You'd be mistaken. Under that thin veneer of syrupy sweetness, there's a swirling bitterness. A childish toddler who throws a tantrum and inwardly seethes and whines until she gets what she wants. I pout and hold grudges. Internally. And it's not pretty.

So I resolve to simply be nice deep down too.

• I will try not to wish people's heads would explode a la Scanners when they simply don't put that grocery divider on the belt (even though you are supposed to put it BEHIND your purchases, asshat)
• I will try not to cross my arms and blink Jeannie-style to disappear someone when I get cut off in traffic. And yes, I'm aware that shutting my eyes and taking my hands off the wheel makes me a hazard on the road but that's another resolution.
• I will try not to get exasperated with people who ask me to repeat myself because as much as I don't like to admit it I sometimes mumble or speak while looking at a pretty thing I see in my periphery

So if I encounter you in 2014, please be gentle. I may be trying super hard not to blow you up or disappear you. But all you'll really notice is that I'm being nice.

kxx 

PS: I've been told that frequently there are links in this blog that don't show up anywhere other than blogger. Please read my blog at http://kayeway.blogspot.ca/ if you are having trouble seeing the fun little extras that I tend to post.