Monday, August 29, 2011

"So how many convictions have you had?"

That had to be the strangest question ever put to me in my entire life.

So I was at the police station today... wait, that sounds weird.

So on my way to get fingerprinted... wow, not so great either. You all need a background and some context for this not to sound all felon-y.

Because my new job (that I start tomorrow... wheee!) is with children, I needed to complete a police check. I did the paperwork and when it came back there was a disturbing red flag attached. Apparently someone with my name or birthday has been a naughty girl (or boy, I don't judge). Supposedly this happens quite a bit and it's resolved by going to get fingerprinted at the police station. Lots of things went through my mind but "COOL!" was the main thing.

When my number got called, the woman escorting me to the room made the weirdest small-talk by asking "so how many convictions have you had?". Wow. Talk about shitty bedside manner. After my attack of nervous giggles, I replied that I was just there to follow up on my police check.

She took me to a room that I hoped would look more like something from every police drama I've ever seen. Instead it looked like something from every office comedy I've ever seen. After I filled in yet another form, I excitedly waited for the ink blotter to come out. Ridiculously, I was more excited than anyone should be while awaiting fingerprinting. I'm such a dork.

When the time came, she put on rubber gloves, wiped my fingers with a wet wipe and gingerly placed each one on... the glass of a computer scanner. What? Way to disillusion the noob.

So I went all the way down to the cop shop, didn't see any person scarier than a guy that looked like Dwight from The Office; or any cop more intimidating than Mike from Mike And Molly and then I don't even get black fingers like a common criminal? Hmph. What a disappointment.


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