Question:

Why do teens barely wake up on time for school-- I'm talking having to drag them out of bed by their feet, moaning and whining (them or me?) but on weekends and holidays they are up, perky and alert before there is even light in the sky? It defies human logic.

I suppose "human logic" are the operative words because if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then kids must be from the planet Xyvlox several billion light years away. I'm just saying.

kxx

"Take me to your refrigerator, puny adults!"

My summer manifesto

Ooh, that sounds serious, doesn't it? It isn't, really but I wrote one anyway. I decided to copy something I saw on the internet (naturally) and write a bucket list of cool stuff (and frankly, bogus stuff) to do over the summer. 

Listen. Summer is only a couple of months long and I'm intrinsically lazy so I thought I'd make this list short and completely doable for me. That way I can feel superior when I get it all done. Want to see it? Well, I guess you do otherwise you wouldn't have gotten this far. Here it is:

Summer Manifesto 2014

-Go to the beach (Easy... it's literally a 10 minute bike ride away)
-Bake for the neighbours (It's all about me. I like the attention)
-Go on a picnic (If you knew how much I hate eating and sleeping outside---and why don't you? Have you only just found my blog?---you'd realise how hard this one is for me)
-Go on a long bike ride (and the 10 minute ride to the beach doesn't count. I'm, thinking to downtown which is about 40 minutes away... which counts as long to my wimpy ass)
-Burn off the PVR (as of today's writing, I have 64 recordings which includes a whole season of 24 and the last half season of The Walking Dead... no spoilers!)
-Buy a whole outfit including shoes from Value Village (I've always wanted to do this. I constantly claim to Audrey's spoiled ass that it can be done and I have to prove my point)
-Read an entire book (How hard can this one be? I just bought a hammock from Costco to help me out here. It's all about the accessories, right?)

I just counted those and realised that there are 7 items. My mild OCD won't allow an odd number so I'm thinking of another one...

Ummm... 

To have a great summer? I don't know. It's already shaping up to be pretty fun. I've got tickets to see Justin Timberlake, The Book Of Mormon and Welcome to Night Vale plus I have a pending spa day at the most amazing place in town thanks to my preschool parents. So let's count that as my 8th. 

-To have a successful, fun, rewarding, restful and excellent summer (Oh and that goes for you too)...

kxx

At 2:01 today I...

"Wait, what are you doing with your phone?"

Was taking Audrey out for Starbucks after her orthodontist appointment. It was a nice mother/daughter day all around actually since before the appointment we went to see the Tom Cruise movie Edge of Tomorrow. One word review: OhMyGodGoAndSeeThisMovieIt'sSoFreakingAmazing

kxx

This is what you get when you are short an "e"

Well, that and forget the blogspot part and put in .com instead of .ca... but you get my drift.

This is Kay from The Kay Way. No shit. Who knew? Looks like brilliant minds actually do think alike. And this Kay was born in Montreal too. Fancy that. And she has 3 kids. Unlike me, her name is actually Kay and she's very insightful (not "inciteful" like some I could mention and also doesn't seem to make up words like inciteful). She wants to be a life coach and help other people unlike yours truly who would, given omnipotent powers, happily and remorselessly wipe most people off the face of the earth. Her The Kay Way is the Bizarro World The Kaye Way. Well played, Kay. Well played.

She keeps a blog and I read a few posts. It looks like she's actually doing this writing thing to make the world a better place rather than just ranting about whatever she likes like some bloggers I can mention. The upside is, she posts just about as often as I have lately.

So if you want to be uplifted and learn something from a sweet, smart lady, go and read The Kay Way. But if you want to be dragged down to the bowelly depths of the despair by a profane, bald-headed, black nerd living with 3 smelly teens, a husband and an indifferent cat in the 'burbs, I'll take you to where you want to go. Eventually.

kxx

Things I learned while I was freaking out

I was under quite a bit of stress over the last few months (most of it self-imposed). As of this weekend most of it has lifted  and I'm so relieved. I actually commented to Audrey this Sunday that this is the first one in weeks where I literally had nothing to do. I didn't know what to do with myself. Okay, that's not true. I watched tv. On one of the most beautiful days we've had all year. And I didn't feel the least bit guilty. It was absolute heaven.

So here are a few things I learned/realized while I was "away"...

How to eat an apple:
You heard. We usually eat an apple all around and throw out the core but I learned (via internet, of course) that if you eat an apply top down, you can eat the whole thing including the core. Crazy, right? When I saw the video I couldn't wait to try it. Now it's the only way I eat them. I'll admit there are two bites that I have to gird my loins to take but once you get past the one chomp of the seedy core (just swallow the seeds... there isn't enough arsenic in them to kill you, promise) and the bottom of the apple that looks like an ass hole (pardon my French but it does) you are done. Nothing to toss out. So cool! Check out the video...

How to fix my makeup:

No woman out there hasn't dropped a powder blush or eyeshadow and had it shatter all over the bathroom floor. Powder goes everywhere and not only is it a complete and utter pain to clean up, you've gone and wasted your favourite shade. I had 2 broken ones in my makeup case that were just little balls of colour that went on too intensely but were too pretty to throw out. To the internet. They said to use alcohol (no, not rum but the stuff you have in the bathroom), pour a little bit in the container, crush and mix it all around until it's a paste, then leave it on the counter for the alcohol to evaporate. When it does, you have a perfectly good, solid colour again. I couldn't believe I had the solution in my medicine cabinet all this time. So great. I was thinking you could also use the idea to redistribute the colour to the middle of the container since when you use these with a brush, when it's nearly finished it "hides" in the corners and is hard to get out. Here's the link to the idea.

GENIUS!

Computer things I've been saying wrong and my kids have been secretly laughing behind my back: doge, gif and url. They finally sent me to a link on the "right way".

That's about it. Everything I missed writing to you about over the last few weeks. hope you are all well and I'll see you all tomorrow. It's a special day. you'll see why tomorrow...

kxx

Hello again

Well, it's nice to see you. how've you been? Good, good. I've missed you. Yes, I know it's been a while but I was busy. You know... life and stuff. What? You'd like to know what I've been up to? Sure. I'll give you an update. It's been a while, so strap in...

The kids:
Henry has been racing his cart and practising every weekend. He has done 2 races and came in on the podium both times. The following picture was on his racing club's website.

Clearly an age and not height category...

Audrey has been asked to be a model for a photographer friend's website. The photographer Michelle is also working with student hairdresser and makeup artist to build up their portfolios. She's as excited as her teenage brain will allow which is at about this level:

Yay. I am a model. Zzzz...

Elliott is consistently making me simultaneously proud and frustrated. It actually makes me nauseous. He loves his co-op placement when he goes. He doesn't want to go to prom. I think it's because he's on the bubble of graduating in the first place). He just slinks around the house, hides in the basement watching animes and playing League of Legends. Ugh. But when he plants a big kiss on me, scratching my cheek with his whiskers), brings me a half a can of Monster (naturally, he drinks the other half) because he knows I like it, or blows the fixtures off the wall with the bagpipes, I melt.

Look at that test tube of water

What else? Scott got an office space for his home business, I've been doing a lot of dragonboating practice in preparation for the big festival next month (did you know it's the biggest dragonboat festival in North America? Now you do). Our new coach works us super hard but I'm sure it'll bring great results (read: bling. ed.). It's next week and if you want to donate to my team, click here.

I broke a tooth. That's new. I was eating bread of all things when I felt a crunch. I was delighted as I was ready to sue the pants off the local Metro grocery store for putting a piece of ceramic in their cheese bread. Turns out when I spat it out, it was a bit of my tooth. Great. Not only do I lose my generous cash settlement but I have to shell out nearly $1000 for a crown. Boo.

This is not my mouth but it pretty much what happened. I'm dying...

Work has been completely nuts with report cards due. Before you ask why I'm doing developmentally in-depth report cards for 3 year olds, I'll just tell you... it's because we just do. It was over a month of work and testing but it's done and that's why I have the breathing room to write today. Ahhh....

I still can't find anything. In fact it's getting worse. I found a pair of earrings in the furnace room last week. I'm likely to search and search for something only to find it exactly where it's supposed to be. Argh. Plus I still set off the smoke detector whenever I cook. In fact I keep the broom next to it now to have it within poking distance.

"I won the lottery!"... is what I would say if I had done that while I was on bloggy radio silence. But I did buy a lottery ticket. So, yeah.

I learned that you in fact, can add the missing baking soda into cake batter after it has already been put in the oven. That was a learning experience.

Having a new tv service provider has been making my day. We can pause and rewind live tv and I have to say that every time I use it someone's face is stopped in such a bizarre and hilarious way that I have to call in other people to see it.

I woke up laughing this morning. I don't remember specifics but I remember it was a dream of Cam and Mitchell from Modern Family. I don't know if you've ever woken up like that but it's the best way to get up in the morning EVER.

Last night was our bi-monthly ukulele night. I've been going for months and enjoying myself so so much. I even met a new friend Gillian. Anyway, last night Gillian and I were singing along to the Cure song "Friday I'm in Love" and the leader was struggling with the mashup of lyrics at the end. Having spent many an hour of my misspent youth locked up in my room with the headphones blaring that tune, it didn't take much convincing to get Gillian and me up there to sing. So you are reading the blog of a genuine rock star, people. You know, if a rock star played the ukulele. Or was a suburban mum. Or was a thick chocolate milkshake. Or was a part-time preschool teacher. So yeah. Rock on!

kxx
PS: Today's blog post is full of links, videos and pictures. If you can't see them, please head over to blogger.com and put in "the kaye way". Enjoy!