Bow Chicka Wow-Wow. Let's get sexy! Okay, you know me well. Nothing sexy in it. At all. As Elliott would say, my bedside table is an "epic fail".
The unit I have has 2 large drawers and a smaller one at the top. One large drawer is crammed with pyjamas. The risqué type consisting of flannel pants and tank tops. There's a white tank in there with racy droplet stains on the front. That is, if you think chocolate cake batter splatter stains are racy. Some people do. A tip: never pull the beaters out of the bowl while they're still spinning.
The other large drawer is full of bathing suits. I only wear one so why I can barely shut it is beyond me. It's because I have an aversion to getting rid of them. I can't throw them out because they're in fine condition. I can't donate them because, well, who'd buy a used bathing suit? So there you go. Bathing suits of every style and every size (What's that at the bottom? A string bikini top? Was I ever able to pull that off? I was, dammit.)
Okay. Now for the suggestive stuff in the top drawer. Ready?
- a diary (2 blogs and she still writes in a diary every night? How does she do it?)
- 2 Archie comics (Shut up.)
- eyeglasses and case
- 2 ipods ("you can never have too many" says the book of Jobs)
- earbuds
- 6 pens (you never know when a writing emergency will come up)
- hand sanitizer (because, ummm, of sexy stuff? Yeah, that's it)
- crossword puzzle book (because I'm a massive dork and mercilessly ignore the love of my life lying 3 inches to my right)
- hand lotion (My hands get dry. I wish I could tell you it's for something less boring.)
- chapstick (for the lips above the equator, sicko)
- a notebook (to write down my ridiculous reality based dreams)
- room deodoriser (you try sleeping next to a man for over 20 years and see if you don't need it)
- eye pack (ditto above)
Woo. Is it hot in here or is it just me? No? Nothing?
kxx
ok, here's what's in my bedside tables, both of them, current inventory:
ReplyDeleteleft:
on top:
basket containing
three remotes (two that go to devices that no longer exist in this plane)
two emery boards
one prayer card
two granola bars
three clif shot gels
cords for charging ipod
digital camera
cell phone
case for ear buds
top surface:
defunct ear buds
funeral card (kathryn roberts)
handmade bookmark
books:
naked, david sedaris
disorders of sexual desire, helen singer kaplan
drawer:
case for camera i no longer own
roll of silver duct tape
nightlight
shelf:
books:
the definitive history of PDQ bach, peter schickele
teachers, art petersen
the flamingo's smile, stephen jay gould
this book will change your life again!, benrik
worst case scenario survival handbook, piven/borgenicht
worst case scenario survival handbook extreme edition, piven/borgenicht
the best case scenario handbook, john tierney
right side table:
top:
phone
alarm clock
books:
this book will change your life, benrik
the secret house, david bodanis
drawer:
asthma inhaler
two foam covers for earphones
phone tree for the yeat 2006-2007
hand salve
moisturizing lostion
one lip balm in a pot
one defunct lip balm in a tube
inexplicable handwritten note that says only "TRAITORS"
shelf:
books:
the man who mistook his wife for a hat, oliver sacks
of beetles and angels, mawi asgedom
now dig this, terry southern
the mother tongue, bill bryson
tuck everlasting, natalie babbitt
a wrinkle in time, madeline l'engle
the christmas collection, richard paul evans
Tons of books! You make me humiliated about the Archies LOL! I'm fascinated by the note that says "traitors" did you write it in a dream?
ReplyDeleteThe clif shots made me laugh but as for the rest of it, it's about as sexy as mine. Thanks for posting that. I don't know why I felt I needed condoms, massage oil and the kama sutra in there Hahaha!
it's an inexplicable note.
ReplyDeleteand as for not being sexy, "disorders of sexual desire" is a book of case studies (and not a grim novel), which (i would assume) could kill a mood on a more or less permanent basis.