Uh oh.

I forgot to write a blog today. I got so busy with the baby and baking cookies for Canada Day that I just forgot. So here I am trying desperately thinking of something clever to give you all. As Elliott would say: "Epic Fail."

Well, the cookies, then. I wanted to make something fun for the holiday tomorrow so I made maple leaves out of sugar cookie dough. I used maple extract instead of vanilla and mixed the milk with pure maple syrup. I did the same thing for the frosting and sprinkled white or red decorating sugar on them. About halfway through the process I had Elliott, his friend Michaela and Audrey helping. I suspect it was so they could have first dibs on the cookies but I accepted the help nevertheless. Have a great day (what's left of it) and we'll see you tomorrow for our country's big day!

kxx

You know what makes me nervous?

Coffee. That's what makes me nervous. Let me explain:

Legally in Ontario, you can't be on your cell phone or text in your car anymore. You just can't be distracted in any way. To be honest, I don't know why it's okay to have more than 2 kids in a car at any one time, though. Have you ever tried going anywhere with 3 screaming kids under 4 years old in a car? I actually used to yell: "You're gonna make mummy crash the car if you don't stop it!!". Yes, I know... another tick in the bad mother column.

Anyway, my point is distracted drivers. We've all seen the mascara applying woman and the crossword completing man. I've even seen a guy waving his penis around (I'm dead serious). But there's one thing that far more prevalent than these things. The drinker. And I'm not too disturbed that someone may "Kramer" themselves... those newfangled lids are admittedly pretty good. My issue is when you're nearly finished. I just took a last sip of my tea and realized it's impossible to see around the cup. Try it. How many times have I seen someone drinking on the road? Any minute now, they're going to reach the bottom of that container. Head thrown back while driving to suck out every drop. They may as well have a catcher's mitt in front of their faces. Scary.

Far be it for me to impinge on your civil right to do anything you want in your car, but shouldn't someone keep an eye on this?

Here's my list of things you shouldn't be allowed to do while operating your vehicle. Updated often...

Drink

Eat

Sleep

Make phonecalls

Have sex (of any kind)

Transport more than 2 children (unless you're a bus driver)

Argue

Change clothes

Cook

Apply makeup

Watch tv/dvd

Read

Listen to loud music

Write

Smoke

Shave your legs

Fix your hair

Play cards

Change your baby's diaper...

I could go on and on. Hey here's a thought. Why don't you just propel your car? People are getting pissed at your driving. You suck at merging and when you slow down in front of me after passing, I want to Kramer you. Grrrr....

Welcome back to Karenworld!

Remember the fad ages ago when people would send you emails with like 100 questions and tell you under no uncertain terms, at the risk of your friendship being dissolved, to answer them and send them to your entire address book? Remember how you deleted these emails with a dismissive mouse click? Remember how you looked at these "friends" with disdain, scorn and a touch of botheration? Well, I'm sorry. I was one of the perpetrators. I'm my own favourite subject and I can't help but drag others into my crazy.

That said, my blog today is inspired by, well, me. I found these questions over at Peggy Sue's place and I thought I'd borrow them so I could get out of a real blog and tend to the 4 children in my care for the summer. BTW, any suggestions on what to do with 4 kids aged 14, 12, 10 and 9 months that'll keep any one of them from hating me, the activity or causing a humiliating scene will be greatly appreciated.

What colour are your socks right now?

I'm not wearing socks. Are you kidding, it's summer in Canada. I make up for it by wearing 2 pairs at a time from September to May.

What are you listening to right now?

I've got Regis and Kelly on in the background. I hate them so why? Three words: Taylor Lautner's abs.

What was the last thing you ate?

Last night I had a tortellini salad. Chicken, pasta, peppers, feta and a dressing of olive oil and honey. Heaven.

Can you drive a stick?

No, and when my husband tried to teach me that time I had fantasies of putting all his belongings in garbage bags on the road and seeing the look on his face as clutched and shifted (or whatever) the car back and forth over them.

Last person you spoke to on the phone?

Elliott's cadet convener Kathy. She was giving me all the details on his 3-week sleepaway camp. I'm thinking it'll be a great break for all of us.

How old are you today?

42. I love to say so because I don't feel it.

What is your favourite sport to watch on TV?

At World Cup time, soccer. During hockey season, hockey. Ooh, and figure skating. But not the girls. I like the pairs because it always looks like the man is trying his best to murder the woman. Wouldn't that make a great episode of Matlock? What? I'm showing my age? Umm... CSI, then.

What is your favourite drink?

Tea with Carnation milk and sugar in it. If you don't have Carnation, just sugar, thanks.

Have you ever dyed your hair?

I call the condition I suffered from "pregnancy induced dementia". It plagued me during the latter stages of my pregnancy with Henry. Among the varied symptoms, patients convince themselves that they would look gorgeous as a blond. They buy 2 boxes of pharmacy hair bleach and colour and spend the better part of an afternoon crying in frustration on the bathroom floor. When the deed is done, these unfortunate souls startle themselves in every mirror and plate glass window thinking that Dennis Rodman is stalking them. What? The age thing again? Ummm... Mary J Blige, then.

Favourite food?

Fast.

What is the last movie you watched?

Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog on the big screen yesterday at the Mayfair. I totally got my geek on.

Favourite day of the year?

It's a tie between Christmas and my birthday. Any day I get presents, really.

How do you vent anger?

I'm very passive aggressive. I'll write venom in a blog or in my diary then delete or tear it up. Then I'll pout or just sleep on it.

What was your favourite toy as a child?

I loved my "Fabulous Fred" (google it). I still have it downstairs but it doesn't work anymore. I think if I could ever get it fixed, my family would never see me again.

Favourite Season?

Summer, bar none.

Cherries or Blueberries?

Blueberries but cherries are a close second.

Living situation?

Husband, 3 kids, occasional baby, a cat, 7 fish and 3 gerbils.

When was the last time you cried?

Last night when my long lost nephew/godson contacted me (thank you Facebook!). We've missed him so much and haven't heard from him in at least 7 years.

What is on the floor of your closet right now?

Where do I start? Among other things, shoe boxes, shoes, dustbunnies, clothes that fell off the hanger, boots that don't fit and slippers.

What are you most afraid of?

Being disfigured or having an illness that withers the body but not the mind.

Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

The spicier the better.

Favourite dog breed?

I'm a cat person but if there was a law passed that I didn't have to pick up and walk around with my dog's warm poop in a plastic bag, I'd go for a dog like Benji. What again with the age thing? I give up. Google him.

Favourite day of the week?

Believe it or not, Monday. I love getting back to schedules and routines.

How many states have you lived in?

0. Provinces, 2. Quebec and Ontario. I visited 3 states, though: Delaware, New York and Florida.

Diamonds or pearls?

Are you kidding? Diamonds every time. Pearl is an old lady's name.

What is your favorite flower?

Not too crazy about cut flowers (they're great in gardens) but I love anything that comes in a gorgeous, rich, purply fuchsia or orange.

Did you get an H1N1 vaccine?

No way. I've never had the flu of any kind so I don't want to push my luck. I lined up with the kids to get theirs, though.

And there you go. Pass this on to all of the people in your address book or you'll have humiliating gas for the rest of the day. Hey, I don't make the rules...

kxx

Last day of school

Uh oh. Stick me squarely in the horrible mother category but I hate summer holidays. How do I hate them? Let me count the ways:

1. The lack of a schedule. As much as I bitch about waking up at 6:30 every weekday, I'd rather do that then somedays 8am, somedays 9.
2. The constant togetherness. I love my kids but I'm over them already after just 10 days in Europe.
3. It's too long. Why can't we have two week holidays every couple of months all year long instead of this patience-sapping quarter of a year break?
4. The "I'm boreds". Really? You want to go there with me, kids? You guys are preteens with friends, your own bikes, have 2 amazing parks and a swimming pool within a 5 minute walk/bike, but if you're still going to insist you're bored I have a rag and bucket with your ungrateful names on them and a garage that needs some attention...
5. The fact that we have only one car and a 9 month old baby. Scott will take that car from time to time and leave me alone with the kids with no means of escape. And even if I could get away, I can't leave the kids alone and go shopping or meet a friend like I used to. So long sanity. I hardly knew ye.
6. The money. When we can finally get out and do activities like museums or zoos, it invariably costs a small fortune. And for some reason these kids need feeding when they're out. Another King's ransom. Why, oh why is this lottery win taking so long?

So I'm trying to think of some solutions. I need to look for free admissions, activities they're interested in and and bring packed lunches. I'll have to suck it up and picnic (I hate eating outside) and beach (I hate sand in my shoes and/or stuck to my toes). I can set my alarm clock... now that I think of it I have to; the baby arrives at 8. And I'll just send the kids out a lot and fob them off on their friends' parents. Barring those ideas, there's a lock on the bathroom door and a bottle of cough syrup in the medicine cabinet. Desperate times, people. Summer = battle stations.

kxx

Can you cook? Got a kick-ass BBQ sauce?

Like to read? Want to win a Chapters gift certificate?

My good friend over at the Chicken Farmers of Canada wants me to spread the news about a contest they're having. What? That's not a link to their website? That's a link to my commercial for them? Oops, my bad...

Anyway, every July 1 (Canada Day), they set up on Parliament Hill in Ottawa with a row of barbecues and dozens of coolers full of chicken, and spend the day dishing it out to the people on the Hill who are celebrating this great country. This year is no different, but they wanted to bring you in on the action as well. So, they’re holding a little contest with a bit of a barbecue theme. To enter, all you need to do is head to this page and give them your favourite BBQ sauce or spice rub recipe. They’ll randomly draw a winner from all those who enter, and the winner will receive a $500 gift certificate to Chapters for the ultimate cookbook shopping spree! I could do some serious damage at the bookstore with that, I can tell you.

The deadline is noon on July 1, 2010, and the full rules and regs are here.

Actually, I'd kind of like to see any recipes you enter... can you post them over here too? I'm a big fan of chicken with something sweet and savoury like maple and dijon. Mmmmm.... Get going, time's a-wastin'!

kxx

Ack! An emergency cake!

This is so typical. Elliott's last day in Middle School is Friday. On Tuesday, he tell's me that his friends "have all voted" and they want me to make their graduation cake. Who-what-now? Are you kidding me right now?

So watch me as I scramble trying to bake something half decent in a kitchen that's still ravaged by the fact that I haven't done a proper shop since we got back from our trip. It'll be a German chocolate number with chocolate ganache frosting. Sorry kids, no real decorations will be had but I can pipe something in white. That's all I got.

Oh, these kids. But I couldn't resist when he told me they voted for me. I'm too vain to resist. Sigh.

kxx

Airplane movies

I have to admit that one of the things I love the most about plane flights is the movies. Nowadays you aren't stuck watching what everyone else is watching on a big screen in the middle of the aisle. Everyone gets their own choice of what seems like hundreds of channels. There were sports, contemporary, classics, avant garde, family, comedy and kids. Let alone the tv shows. I was in heaven. Whole movies all the way through with no interruptions for phone calls, medical emergencies or drinks of water. Like I said: heaven.

So here are the movies I watched and a mini review...

500 Days Of Summer- How did I let this movie get past me in the theatres? I loved it like I love cake and I vow to buy it on DVD now that I'm home.

The Daybreakers- Not as good as I'd hoped. I actually fell asleep during this one. You'd think a movie about vampires would keep my attention.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians- Cute, but I should have gone for something a bit more mature.

How To Train Your Dragon- Oh hell, another keeper. It was fantastic and I'm not ashamed to admit that I choked up at the end. It was completely predictable but so well done I didn't care.

So there you have it. Thousands of dollars spent, 10 days in Europe, and all I get out of it was a bunch of movies under my belt. Not bad.

kxx