Read this book!

I've just found the best series! I'm not one to read a book that teaches you anything. I hate books that make me think. I don't like books that try to change me. Anything school-y, preachy, dry or moral bores me silly. That's why I love chick lit. It's different from romance as there's no ripping of ancient bodices... not much kissing at all, in fact. Just a laugh-out-loud funny heroine doing zany things trying to get what she wants. And usually what she wants is a boyfriend, a perfect wedding or a great pair of shoes. To smash a common myth, usually you can tell a book I'll love by it's cover. It'll have a champagne glass with bubbles or a pair of shoes or a lipstick kiss on the cover. It's usually drawn in cartoon and 99% of the time it's pink, the title letters aren't in line or they're in a girly font. That's my kind of book. Deal with it.

Anyway, I was at the book section of my favourite department store and I came across a cover that I couldn't resist. I bought it and took it home only to find that it's book 5 of a 6 book series. Dang. Well, I can't read a series out of order, can I? The next day I went out and bought the first book and read it faster than any book in recent memory. 4 days. That may not sound quick to you but everything I've ever read has taken at least a week. Even books I've read and loved like Harry Potter. Even fluffy confections like this one. I ran out and bought the next book and read that one in 3 days. Three days. I was reading while brushing my teeth, on car rides (not while driving, of course), at the pool instead of swimming with the kids or drooling after Steven, even during commercials while watching tv. Talk about multi-tasking. I love love love these two books. Now today, I'm off to buy the third. And maybe the 4th seeing as I'm devouring them.

Oh, I realize I haven't mentioned the title or the plot (see and this is why I shouldn't become a writer?). The first book is called "Undead and Unwed" by MaryJanice Davidson (my new best friend). It's about Betsy who "wakes up dead" and tries to deal with the fact that she's also a vampire. And the queen of all vamps to boot. What's so great is that she doesn't abandon her family and friends like she's "supposed" to. She so funny and vain and selfish and materialistic and sarcastic... I want to be Jessica her best friend (and Black like me to coin a phrase) so badly. Who do I lobby to make this series into a movie?

So Elliott and I are off to the store once again. Second time in a week. I'm also going to do the unprecidented and email this author to tell her how she's made my life complete. Now if only they'd stop stocking it in the romance section...

kxx

We won!

Again a quickie blog because we're off to the chocolate factory before it closes down and moves to Mexico. It's about an hour away so we want to get an early start.

But before we leave I have to crow a bit about winning a photo contest in our community paper. A photo that Scott took (of Audrey and me) won first prize (no cash but it's on display at the local museum) and a photo that I took of Audrey got an honourable mention. How impressive are we?

So have a great weekend, plebs. I suppose I'll grace you with my presence Monday morning as usual. Yawn.

kxx

Boobies! Made you look...

I promised the kids a busy day today filled with pet stores, book stores, swimming pools and home made cookies so this one will be a short one.

Remember I told you all I had breast reduction surgery in 2001? I found an old photo of myself before the procedure. If you don't think I needed it, remember I was a double F. They don't sell that size in normal stores. Going down to a D (who does that?) was the best decision I ever made. Anyway, check out the results. I made sure to wear the same shirt.

I'm sure there are guys out there who prefer the big gazongas but seriously, there weren't too many options for me in terms of clothes. And people immediately thought I was dumb. And my back and shoulders were always sore. And they were always the first things to enter a room. And they were always in the way. And I couldn't exercise... I could go on but I'd bore you. Suffice it to say I'm waaaaay happier now. And I can wear cute tops.

kxx

The Swimming Lesson

I brought my camera to swimming lessons today. I was just farting around taking photos of the kids when I saw Steven (you know, Steven) trying to get a little girl to jump into the water. Suddenly, the .002% of my brain that is the world class photographer making loads of cash and is feted by celebrities kicked in and thought "That'd make a good photograph. Too bad you didn't bring your hhheeeeeeyyyyyyy..." So I snapped it. I even cropped it when I got home if you must know.

Oh, and by the way, by the time we left, the little girl still hadn't gone in. Now if it was me with Steven holding his arms out to me like that... Well, trust me. No one is going to want to photograph what happens next.

kxx

Logic vs. Knowing Where Your Stuff Is

I'm not the tidiest person in the world. I need the Flylady to tell me how to clean up and when. I'm organised, though. With my own mysterious system, supposedly. At least that's what Scott thinks. Here's the deal:

Last night Scott was looking for bus tickets. He came to the bedroom where I was reading to ask me if I had any. I reached out and grabbed a couple from the bedside table and handed them to him.

Scott: I just spent 1/2 hour looking for bus tickets and here you had them in the most illogical place I could think of.
Me: How could it be illogical if I know exactly where they are?

He contends that communal things like bus tickets should be in communal places. Dining room, living room, office... I maintain that if I know where things are, then what does it matter where I put them? I think he'd prefer not to ask me for things. I like keeping a bit of control and knowing where things are helps with that. I mean if you need a stamp and I keep the stamps in the cutlery drawer, I have the teensiest bit of control over the one who needs the thing and asks the heavens desperately where the hell they could be. Follow?

Added bonus is the conversation that follows: "What do you need the stamp for?"... "They're in there because the pens are in the junk drawer right next to the cutlery drawer and they go together"... "They do too! See if you can keep up. Pens, paper, envelopes, mailing things, STAMPS. See?"... "Because all the pens, pencils and junk in the junk drawer will wreck the stamps and the cutlery is in all these nice little slots so it's neater." Well, it makes sense to me. Call it "Karen Logic". And that's all that counts in the end.

kxx

Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island

It's a new show that my kids enjoy and although I've never watched it, the name cracks me up and also feels really good in my mouth. In fact, there are a lot of words that feel like candy in my mouth. Examples:

Vanuatu
Cornucopia
Idlewild
Convivial
Arbuckle
Bulbous
Zazz (is that even a word?)

I can't be the only one. Any of you out there have a word that you can't help but swish around your mouth a few times? As it stands it took me forever to write this blog as I had to say each word a few times as I typed it. The obvious obsessive compulsive disorder I'm suffering from will be the subject of a future blog...

kxx

What a great weekend

And it's not over yet. There was a midway in our local park this weekend to mark Canada's 140th birthday. What a petting zoo and whack-a-mole have to do with the birth of the world's most envied nation (whether you realize it or not, you do) is beyond me. But the fireworks rocked.

Anyway, we had an excellent time and it was so much better than last year. That year we missed Canada Day entirely because we were travelling to the US and although the trip was fun(ish), I swore up and down that I'd never miss another Canada Day ever again.

See, Canadians, being who we are, don't celebrate our terrific-ness any other day than Canada Day. We are so polite that we chat, debate and discuss rationally how fabulous we are but only spend one day proudly wearing red and white and screaming our greatness into the skies. Being in the States last year really made me miss our country. And screaming like a fool. It really was a ball.

So now that the bulk of the events are over, we reflect on our awesomeness and the recent revelation that a full 80% of us couldn't pass the entrance exam new Canadians take to get into this fine country. Errr yeah. Quick... name the first Prime Minister born in Canada. Okay, that was pathetic.

kxx