Friday, October 29, 2010

Things that pissed me off over the last 24 hours

In an effort to make up for the fact that this whole week I've recycled old posts, instead of "Flashback Friday", I'm going to give you something new.

I was inspired to do this by another blog. Over the course of one 24 hour day (this past Tuesday the 26th of October) , this is a list of everything that made me:

  • roll my eyes
  • shake my head derisively
  • grit my teeth in pique or frustration
  • mentally stamp my foot
  • actually stamp my foot
  • yell
  • gesture obscenely
  • sigh
  • chups (it's a black thing... sort of sucking on the back teeth)
or otherwise just generally pissed me off. Keep in mind this was a specific day and not necessarily what bugs me as a rule.


My twenty-four hours of irritation:

6:00am- My alarm clock goes off
6:05am- My feet hit the cold hardwood floor
6:20am- On my run, my stupid fricking earbuds don't stay in my ears. I have to adjust them every 5 minutes and I'm wearing the tiniest silicone thingies that come with the set. I dream of a wireless brain implant for mp3s
7:12am- I have to stop running and give up my "alone time" for another day
7:35am- I discover a pile of dirty, stinky sheets in a corner of Henry's room. I make him pick them all up and haul them to the laundry room
7:45am- I say goodbye to Scott
8:30am- I say goodbye to Elliott
8:45am- I say goodbye to Henry
9:00am- I say goodbye to Audrey (See? I actually like them)
(wow, 4 hours go by without me being pissed in any way)
1:00pm- All My Children is on. It bothers me that I can't stop watching this stupid show
3:00pm- Scott's home early. This is a good thing (honestly) but I'm thrown because he tiptoed into the house and scared the crap out of me. I think I peed a little
5:30pm- I'm bugged by the shitty dinner I serve because I have a movie date with Marianne and Elliott has hockey. We have sausages, beans and rice. Meh.
8:30pm- Sigh. After the movie we go out for a drink and decide not to eat. Then we find out that it's 1/2 price pizza day and I'm forced to eat a feta pizza. Damn you, Shoeless Joe.
10:00pm- It's raining on our walk home from the theatre and my ballet flats (and feet) get soaked.
11:00pm- I'm grouchy that I can't resist the siren song of my People magazine before I go to sleep. I read about Courtney Cox and David Arquette's busted up marriage until after midnight. Why?!
5:50am- Scott wakes me up with an accidental (?) elbow to the head. I hate waking up that close to my alarm going off. I watch the clock for 10 minutes then get out of bed.

To be completely fair, in the near future I'll do one of these on the things that made me happy in one 24 hour period. Sadly, I think that list will be shorter. Considering how grumpy things make me and how short my fuse is, how is it that I'm often seen as a positive, happy person?


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

And baking saves Halloween!

This year seemed to be better in terms of my mood for Halloween. At least I've got a ton of baking done. That probably explained my mood...


Monday, October 25, 2010

Welcome to Halloween Week

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you'll know I'm not a Halloween fan. I'm not afraid of it, I just don't care. I think it's made up and I resent having to spend money on candy, decorations and costumes. I resent having to use every ounce of my willpower because there are 3 tons of chocolate on my kitchen counter.

Anyway, I thought I'd bunch up all my favourite Halloween posts this week. It shows you how much respect I have for this "holiday". First up, the reason I hate the season...

Friday, October 22, 2010

Flashback Friday!

This video is an oldie but a goodie. I think I may start sharing my favourite videos with you on Fridays. You'll like it, I promise. Have a great weekend, gang!


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Why am I doing this?

So I just thought of a trial for yours truly. I’ll jot down a 100 word blog without using any e’s (that guy fails to count). According to bing*, it’s known as a lipogram. It strong-arms you into thinking originally and writing all art-fartily (that word was distinctly not arty-farty). Anyway, now I’m doing it for no good justification. Guts and an unusual dictionary** is a must and I can only find that dictionary. On my laptop.

You know, it turns out that I work and, frankly, I think I bit off a copious amount in addition to what I can munch on with this thing so… Aaaargh! I can’t do this anymore!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I feel much better now. That was flipping hard! My brain is sore. Go about your day.


*I used Google to find "lipogram" but Google has an e.
**It's a thesaurus, people.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Time to vote

There's an election for mayor, counsellors and trustees here at the end of the month. I pride myself on having voted in every election since I turned 18. I like to think if you don't vote, you don't have a right to complain about how things are done. In fact, last year when the current mayor got into some legal difficulties, I gleefully giggled loudly and often saying, "I didn't vote for him!"

That being said, I can't say that I make the most informed choices. For federal elections I always vote Liberal (except for the time in college when I voted Green -- what was I smoking thinking?). That's a given. But for this election, there are no parties. Just guys whose platforms you agree with or don't. In the past I have done little to no research. I pretty much go for the guy I see most on the news. I've even shamefully voted for the handsomest candidate. A couple of times I actually went into the voting booth and ticked the box next to the only woman candidate or the one with the coolest/funniest name. Yeah, that's not good. Talk about wasting a vote.

This year I'm determined to do my research. I'm looking for their websites and reading the flyers that come to the door. I really want to finally do this right. I mean I've only been screwing this up for 25 years so I've really got my work cut out for me. So this year no voting for Atul Garg. Unless he's the best man for the job. Or is that woman?


Monday, October 18, 2010

Whew! It's done.

I married my brother Friday and the ceremony went really well. Unfortunately it was a lot shorter than I had planned. When I read it at home to myself, I was slow and deliberate and it was about 4 minutes long. When I read it on the day, I was breathy and nervous so I zoomed along and it lasted all of what felt like 45 seconds. When I saw that the bride was crying I tried to pause to give her a moment but I couldn't and just bulldozed on through. At that moment it occurred to me that she may have been crying because I was ruining her day. She later claimed she was just emotional. The jury is still out.

I know what you are thinking... "Who cares about the wedding. What did she wear?" Unfortunately no photos taken of me have surfaced but I can tell you I wore all black. I don't usually but I wanted to look official and austere. Of course I wore my Louboutins so there was that gorgeous little flash of red. I expected lots and lots of compliments on my shoes since it was their first official dinner/dancing affair. It didn't happen.

What got all the attention? This weird little necklace. I bought it for $20 on our Girl's Weekend a few weeks ago for a lark.

It's metallic and weird and bendy and can be a necklace that keeps any shape or a bracelet. I guess you can even put it in your hair but I have none to test that theory.

So I spend $200 on the coolest shoes known to man and my cheapy little necklace steals all the glory. Of course it didn't help that I absently changed it every 5 minutes. People were fascinated. I must have talked about it all night.

Hmph. Oh yeah... The evening? Not about me.

Awwww... Congrats Mike and Lisa!


Friday, October 15, 2010

Flashback Friday

Today is a pretty busy day I have to:

  • Eat breakfast
  • Cut my hair
  • Shower
  • Get all the kids into the shower (harder than it sounds)
  • Make sure the kids are wearing unstained clothing
  • Iron aforementioned unstained clothing
  • Fuss over Audrey's hair
  • Drive to Montreal
  • Perform a wedding ceremony
  • Make sure all their paperwork is in order
  • Eat a reception dinner
  • Drive home from Montreal
  • Sleep the sleep of the exhausted
I've already:
  • Run 8K (in the rain)
  • Delivered a cake that'll feed 80
  • Blogged (yes, I'm counting it)
  • Checked emails and facebook
So here's a blog from the 17th of October 2006 to tide you over (thank God for Flashback Friday). Enjoy.


Thursday, October 14, 2010

I'm just answering some questions today.

We have some stuff to get done today like a cake to deliver and shopping for wedding clothes for the children... what do you mean they can't go to a wedding in faded jeans and stained t shirts? So I have to do a quick blog to tide you over...

1.  Do your pants get hung on a hanger or folded?
I hang up all my pants except for my workout ones which get crammed in a drawer.

2.  If you are stranded on an island, what 3 things would you need to have with you (not including humans or electronic devices)?
Hmmm. This is a hard one if I can't have my iPod or my family. Scott's home today and I put it to him.

Scott: A sat phone, batteries, and an instruction manual
Me: That's too practical besides... no electronics, remember?
Scott: A machete, a lighter and a bag of flour.
Me: Really? Yawn.
Scott: An airplane, a runway and a barrel of gas?
Me (laughing): Oi, forget it...

3.  Where is the farthest you have ever travelled to?
Paris, France. Even if you don't speak the language like I do (*brag brag*),  everyone needs to see this place. It's completely surprising yet totally familiar. Go to Musee D'Orsay. If you're anything like me, you'll cry. Promise.

4.  Do you live in a house, trailer or apartment, etc.?
We live in a house. I like its location but the longer I live in it, the more I want to change it. I'm in a gut-the-whole-inside-and-completely-remodel place right now.

5.  What is your most hated household chore?
It's a tie between cooking dinner and unloading the dishwasher.

Gotta fly,


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'm grudgingly changing my mind

Fall this year is beautiful. Yes, it's colder and I'm still not giving up my preference to jogging in +25C temps rather than +5C, but (for fall) the weather has been incredible. The leaves are absolutely brilliant reds and oranges and the sky is so blue that you'd swear it was a painting.

So although I still think autumn = summer death, the weather is mostly windy and rainy, people cover up their summer bodies in horrible patterned sweaters and their pedicured feet in socks and it's the precursor to a horrible, long winter, the last couple of days have been stellar. Just check out the top of my 12 foot cedar hedge, the humongous maple in behind and the sky. I took it 20 minutes ago. See?


Monday, October 11, 2010

Thanksgiving Weekend Checklist

Make enormous dinner with 4 sides and 2 desserts -- check

Argue with a loved one -- check

Shop to cheer self up -- check

Drink 1/2 bottle of Pinot -- check

Post snarky, drunken Facebook rants disguised as updates -- check

Eat like a prisoner on Death Row -- check

Walk around neighbourhood in pjs to settle engorged stomach -- check

Sit in dark park with a child talking about stars -- check

Fall asleep on couch in front of tv -- check

Wake up after midnight on said couch drooling gravy with Silly Bandz imprint on face -- check

Perfect Thanksgiving -- CHECK


Friday, October 8, 2010

Flashback Friday!

Today's flashback topic: Grammar.

I hate official documents with simple grammatical errors. I hate ads with bad spelling. Products with "z" instead of "s" make my skin itch. I never buy products that claim to be "lite". It's one thing to send casual emails with friends or texting or even blogging but when you are inventing something for kids like "Silly Bandz" and using shitty spelling, I get pissed. And as a person with a "K" name, don't get me started about krazy substitutions of "k"s for "c"s. It's komplete krap. Anyway, read on...

Thursday 17 May 2007


Thursday, October 7, 2010

I'm marrying my brother next Friday

No, not in the icky sense but in the I'm-officiating-the-ceremony-where-he-marries-his-fiancée kind of way. It's perfectly legal in Quebec and all I have to be is Canadian and speak one of the official languages. Papers are signed and passports are photocopied. So here I am, an official officiant.

The ceremony is next week and I still have no speech. In fact, I'm feeling some pressure. A lot of pressure, actually. You've all experienced my writing. I'm often irreverent, flip, casual and sometimes even funny. Everything you don't want in your wedding ceremony. I've already realized I have to write down what I'm going to say. When I'm speaking off the cuff I often lose my train of thought and derail into the weeds of babbling nonsense. It's not a pretty sight. A trainwreck, if you will.

So I've been putting the speech-writing off for weeks trying to think of something sweet and touching but with just the right amount of Karen in it to make it genuine. My brother's fiancée doesn't want religion brought into it so no Bible readings and since it's not traditional, I'm also staying away from Shakespeare. So that's what I don't want.

What I do want is to say something nice about their relationship. Unfortunately I don't know much about it besides that they've been together around 10 years. I can't even be specific about that. If this was a Best (Wo)Man's speech I could go on and on about his drunken adventures but I'm thinking a wedding ceremony isn't the place to bring up the time where, on a bet, he drank the cigarette ash and condiment cocktail my friends and I were absently dropping in the bottom of a half finished beer glass.

So what do I say? I've been googling for days looking for something generic yet tender, funny yet clever and completely memorable. Something they can look back on in 10 years and smile and not grimace. Got anything like that off the top of your head? I need it by Friday. Thanks.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam...

The other day someone complimented my blog. She said something like "you are such a good writer... " and I interrupted her. "I'm not a writer", I said. But you know, I am.

I've been writing this almost daily for 4 years, I have quite a few followers and I can often turn an interesting phrase. If that doesn't make me a writer I don't know what does. But I was pretty quick to shoot her down when she said I was. I do that a lot.

Another example is when someone called me an athlete. I thought "that's a laugh" but then I realized I run, I dragonboat and have even competed in a couple of mini triathlons. Okay, so I'm no Marion Jones but I'm pretty fit. An athlete, even.

So I'm going to try to suck it up and take a compliment graciously if when I get one. It's just difficult as a woman and a lapsed Christian to not feel guilty and unworthy when the kudos come flying.

And just to prepare myself for the oncoming onslaught, besides being an athlete and a writer, I am also a baker and a knitter. Now, commence the backpats and flattery. I'm ready to take on all comers...


Monday, October 4, 2010

Look what I did!

Okay, this may not seem like a lot to you (especially you men) but this is quite the feat for me.

I learned to drive in 1999, hugely pregnant with Henry and desperate not to get stuck in the house with three kids, access to a car but no driver's licence. I did everything I had to for the test including parallel park and that was the last time I did it. Yup, 1999. I'm not a strong reverser and to be honest, I don't care since it's super easy to avoid. Yesterday I couldn't. It wasn't a parallel park but I had to back the car into the spot in a dark parking garage with people watching. It gives me chills just thinking about it again.

I was at the mall with the kids trying to find a parking spot near the store I needed to go to to avoid spending tons of cash "walking past" other stores. As I circled (and circled and circled...) the area, Elliott saw a car with its backing lights on as we passed. I stopped quick and threw it in reverse to wait for him to come out. Unfortunately someone else saw him and was coming up behind me in a much better position to swoop in. It was now or never.

I started backing up asking the kids to tell me if I was getting close to any other cars. They were super helpful. And under all that pressure I managed to slot in the car and still open all the doors to boot. There were cars on either side and even a pillar that I had to deal with as well. Amazing! The kids cheered as we got out and I just stood there marvelling at the awesome job I did. I mentioned to Audrey that I wished I had my camera... hey, I did!

It's the little things.


Friday, October 1, 2010

Flashback Friday!

So in today's trek to the past, I thought we'd check out my opinion of "love at first sight". It hasn't changed... in fact, I think I believe in it less every year that goes by. Check it:

March 2003